This weekend was a bit difficult. The miscarriage I suffered last weekend really put my body out of whack. As well as my emotions. Due to that, I wasn't feeling so well this weekend. And I was a bit down as well.
Waiting on food stamps- is killing me. I was going to start eating rice day in and out again so that my family had enough food to eat.
But Violet was running out of food, and Lee was almost out of formula.
I was freaking out. We still have almost two more weeks till the next month's check. And still no word from food stamps. ARGH, the government is so frustrating.
Laundry is stacking up, we are almost out of clothes- and I had to use the laundry money for food. Just another month, right?
It usually isn't THIS bad. I mean we struggle but this was FUCKING horrible. I must go to the food pantry. It's hard going there-not because of my pride or anything- I have NONE when it comes to feeding my kids. NONE.
I just wish I could help the other people that I see there suffering. I feel helpless because I have nothing to offer.
So my room is full of bags with laundry- and I have to get creative when picking out my daughter's outfits to go to school in. Luckily they think we're like fashionistas or something- because my daughter sometimes goes to school in tutus and crazy "fashion forward" clothing. I'm glad they think that and they don't think we're crazy instead.
I thank g-d for my family members that have helped me out this month. My aunt really came through for us this month, as well as my grand-uncle (without him I'd have nothing in the freezer), and I will pay her back, not matter what, with next month's check. Hopefully then we'll have gotten back food stamps, and months and months of retro. Hopefully.
My son's birthday was last week, and I had nothing- no money to buy him a single present. Thank goodness for the dollar store- at least I was able to get some balloons- with my laundry money and a few ingredients for the cake I made him. I wasn't even able to have a small celebration for my little man, like I wanted.
I get asked a lot of times- why is money so tight? Well..we are supporting several people- both my kids have special needs- which usually means "special" more expensive food. Very expensive actually. We also live in the city- and very expensive city- where everything is extremely costly.
I long for the day- where all my bills are paid, we have more than enough food and we have money left over. I don't care about luxury items- I really don't.
That's what gets me so annoyed with rich people. They don't know how good they have it. And the things they waste money on is ridiculous.
All I want to know is that we have the necessities- like toilet paper, tissues, diapers, wipes, the list goes on and on. I haven't bought any "luxury" items in so long. Because I know that money could be used for laundry or food!
When I read the paper, the things that celebrities do with their money is appalling. They could be helping so many people in need!!! I would help fix up so many shelters in the city, and make them safe for children. Most shelters in the city are terrifying. Sometimes not any better then being out on the street!
I'd also help get better food in the food pantries and make it more accessible for the homeless. There are SO many people in need that could use help.
But most rich people feel that those people are not their problem- and that the poor should "get a job". I hate this sentence- because really they know NOTHING about being really fucking dirt poor, and/or having a mental illness. A large percentage of homeless people have a mental illness- "getting a job" is really not an option. And really- "get a job"?! In this economy right now- even people with a Master's degree are having a difficult time getting a job nowadays.
Listen, even my husband- with a 162 I.Q. ( technically a genius- "regular people" have an I.Q. of about 135) has had a difficult time for years "getting a job".
I dream- not of being a billionaire, though being a millionaire- I could help a lot of people. I dream of days where collectors aren't calling me non-stop and not having to go to the food pantry because food stamps have fucked with me yet again.
Sorry for the long ass rant. But I'm tired and cranky.
Luckily I have my kids here to cheer me up.
I really hope things get better for everyone, all my poor friends out there that are struggling.
I love you all, and can't wait for the day I can help everyone and pay everyone back.
My prayer are with you all. G-d Bless you.
Thanks for listening.
Kisses to all my struggling bitches out there! I feel your pain.