Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Went to my endocrinologist today.
AND FINALLY GOT OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!
I got to see daylight!!! Have the sun on my face. It was beautiful.
Especially after being home bound for what seems like forever already.
The pain has been so intense. I knew something was wrong with my thyroid and that it couldn't be ALL due to my pregnancy.
I mentioned before that I've gained about 16 pounds so far in the pregnancy- while eating barely anything (due to being severely nauseous all the fucking time) and eating healthier than ever before.
All my friends know I have a really big appetite and LOVE fried foods.
And while eating all this, stayed a normal and healthy weight ( sometimes even underweight).
This doctor is in Manhattan. And even though he's very far from where I live, he's totally worth it. He's the very first doctor, that is super smart, not an asshole, and knew what he was doing. He actually CARES! This is so rare! And he gets my sense of humor.
He's a good person, I find that most doctors AREN'T GOOD PEOPLE!
When I saw him today, I voiced my concerns and he listened.
He asked me several questions.
I let him know I was pregnant.
He told me when a person with thyroid disease is pregnant they actually need their thyroid medication upped about 30-40% MORE. And almost double that if the person is pregnant with twins!
YEA! I could've really used this information during my last two pregnancies!
Especially the one I had with Vivi!!! Where I gained 120 lbs by fucking BREATHING!!!! And was lectured by almost every doctor I saw, telling me to basically stop eating because I was getting too fat!
All this could've been avoided.
I get my blood test results in a few days.
He will call me, I don't have to hound him and his receptionist for two weeks until he graces me with a call back.
Like I said, GOOD DOCTOR!
Funny thing, he had a medical student with him today. Usually I don't like medical students. But this time I didn't mind.
When my doctor put the stethoscope to my chest, checking my heart, the medical student followed and put his stethoscope to my chest as well.
I had two doctors checking my heart at the same time!
I've lived my life in doctor's offices and hospitals, but this was the first time that happened to me!
I was cracking up!
My doctor said "We are a full service hospital here!", joking around.
I felt like Sookie in true blood in the final episode (yes I love true blood)
when both Bill and Eric were feeding off her at the same time.
Dave was in the room with me and the doctors, and I swear we thought the EXACT same thing at the exact same time....TRUE BLOOD!
I ended up being on my feet a lot today, but it felt so good being able to walk.
Last night I felt like I was dying. I had pain everywhere and a severe migraine. I could feel every blood vessel on the left side on my head was on FIRE!
It was HELL.
I can't wait for my thyroid medications to be the correct dosage.
It should help ease the pain of the fibromyalgia (which worsens to the point I'm crippled, when my thyroid is too low).
Now all I gotta do is wait.
Wish me luck!
I'd love to be able to walk again and go places!!!!
Your main fucked up Bitch!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
THIS SUCKS!!! Dave's family calls me "hot feet", because I can never stay sitting down. I'm always moving, cleaning, cooking, running after my kids, doing laundry, etc. etc. etc. There's always something that must be done- and I ALWAYS feel it needs to be done right this very minute.
I'm a perfectionist, I don't believe people can do things, the way I need them done.
Yes, this could just be a "mom thing" or it could be the truth.
When I do things, it's quicker and more efficient.
I probably have major O.C.D. when it comes to my house, and the way I like things to be done.
Either way, I end up paying for being on my feet constantly.
I pay for it in PAIN.
Contractions, cramping, swollen legs, pain in joints and bones. I know, It's SO MUCH FUCKING FUN RIGHT?!
Yeah, I know I'm just ranting- but I just gotta let some steam out.
Plus this shitty weather isn't helping. It's just making me super depressed and increasing the pain I'm in.
It's hard for me to just sit back, and let everyone else do all the chores in the house.
I feel exhausted all the time, and usually don't want to get up out of bed, but of course I do end up getting out of bed because there's so much that needs to be done on a daily basis.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm super happy I'm pregnant. I've wanted this baby for a long time.
And I'm very thankful to God for letting me have this baby.
It's just the ten agonizing months of pain, that have me ranting and raving.
Plus I'm so hungry! But I can barely eat because of the nausea. And I get full super quick.
Sometimes I feel like I'm stuffing my face just to get food in my stomach!
After three bites, I'm physically full, but still SO HUNGRY.
It totally eerily reminds me of my old eating disorder days, mainly the bingeing days of yore.
I HATE those days with a passion. And anytime I feel like I'm doing it again, I feel like I'm spiraling.
Being off my medications doesn't help this feeling at all.
A few doctors have told me, I have to get on some Bipolar medications because I can start to severely deteriorate during this pregnancy and it can be very dangerous for me.
I feel so torn, my doctor is afraid to put me on any meds for fear of harming the baby.
My baby is my main concern, and I feel guilty if I put her at risk so that I'm stable.
Some days are better than others. Yesterday I was kinda happy. I even baked a fresh banana bread ( I used to bake all the time).
I made fresh lentil soup, minestrone soup- you name it I'm cooking and baking it.
Plus I'm LOVING spicy foods. And my baby ain't disagreeing with me.
HA! Maybe she's going to be a chef or a baker? Who knows!
That's all for now.
Love your main Bitch!