Saturday, October 21, 2017

10 Sleepless nights

10 days! Yep ! I went 10 days with almost little to NO SLEEP! before 2 nights ago.
Yes, I am Bipolar.
I don't say I HAVE bipolar disorder.
You can say you have it or you ARE it, it's whatever floats  your boat ppl.
Bipolar is a huge part of my identity.
And has been since I was diagnosed  in 2003 (officially).
It took a long time to get diagnosed. 2003 was the first time I was institutionalized.
Notice I said FIRST. there would be MANY, too many to count actually, afterwards.
As well as multiple hospitalizations for my eating disorders.
Sleepless nights have been a part of my life since childhood.
They are no fun.
And the longer they stretch the more your mind wonders. Panic sets in. Anxiety gets worse- I have severe anxiety as it is, no sleep makes it ten times worse.
This was a hypomanic stretch, not full mania, hypomania is different, and different for different people.
Mine---mostly panic,  irritation, no sleep, racing thoughts, but not super happy and bright sunshine and sparkles, ya know what I'm saying?
Not that mania is fun. It's actually quite dangerous.
I was cycling really fast and my adhd medication burn off in the afternoon  was hitting me harder than usual.
Yes, I have ADHD as well.
I know this is kind of a long post, but I realize I haven't written about my bipolar in awhile. I guess I was feeling very antisocial. But I'm coming out of my shell again and want to be more open again

Monday, October 16, 2017

Ode

Oh, delicious Cup O' Joe,
How I love thee.
Please get me through thy day
For my Levi didn't sleep a wink last night
And I barely hit the hay.
I need you more then ever today, Cup O' Joe.
How you are always there for me
I love thee,
Times three.💖


This is my Ode to my Cup O' Joe.

Levi had another sleepless night last night, common for kids with autism.
He kept me up too, with questions all night like, "Why aren't  I sleeping?" "When is it morning already? " All night long.

Coffee is my friend. 
I need you Joe.
Don't lemme down.