Dave dresses like a homeless man

My neighborhood thinks my husband has "special needs".
Dave is a TRUE PUNK. He doesn't dress to impress ANYONE.
He really doesn't give a flying fuck what you think of him.
This I admire about him but don't agree with.
I dress everyday to impress. Not to impress others exactly, but I dress a certain way to feel confident about myself. The more confident I feel that day, the better my attitude will be.
Yesterday he came with me to the rheumatologist.
He wore an orange striped polo, with navy and black athletic shorts, with gray socks and his black shape-up sneakers. Plus he was unshaven and very sleepy as always.
He's a TRUE- to the fucking CORE- Narcoleptic!
He can fall asleep in the middle of talking! Standing! Or walking!
Anytime- anywhere!
It's SICK!
Meanwhile I'll be up for hours just listening to him snoring like an animal!
Women ARE SO DIFFERENT from men.
It really is like we are from two completely different planets!

When we got on the bus, we went through about 5 empty metrocards till we found one with enough money on it. Dave shouted "YAY!!!" The bus driver replied with enthusiasm "YAY!" smiling at Dave.  Like Dave was "special". FUCKING HILARIOUS!
Then we waited in the waiting room, for Doctor Father time for about 2 freakin hours!!!
Which he spent falling asleep and moaning, like a homeless man. The best fed homeless man ever.
It looked like I picked him off the street to pretend to be my husband for some reason!
I'm just lucky he didn't start farting in his sleep at the office.

Last night, I explained to him my concern.
We laughed so hard about the whole thing!!!

By the way- on a side note- I've stopped my Geodon again.
Don't worry with my doctor's blessing.
Because it might be worsening my heart problems.
So I will most probably be going crazy, but at least I won't be dead, right???!
This also means my "filter system" will be down. So it's like I have tourettes. Literally.
Today Dave and I were talking yet again about his "dressing situation".
And for some reason I yelled "STUPID!!!" Then started hysterically laughing. Uncontrollably!!!
We both were laughing!
He said to me "So we're okay with that? You calling me stupid?"
I replied "Yep! No Geodon. I got me some tourettes now, BOYYYYYY!
Because I wasn't even thinking of the word stupid, it's just came out!
Too funny.
I gotta take Dave shopping ASAP! I can't take this much longer.

Because of the whole- no geodon thing- I can also kiss sleep goodbye!
No sleep last night. My throat is so sore and my thoughts were racing. Oh boy, such fun. NOT!
I'm beyond exhausted- but still have energy to type, and a good sense of humor to laugh about it all.

Kisses Bitches!!!!

Rant for the day.

So many things to rant about today...so many things.

This weekend was a bit difficult. The miscarriage I suffered last weekend really put my body out of whack. As well as my emotions. Due to that, I wasn't feeling so well this weekend. And I was a bit down as well.

Waiting on food stamps- is killing me. I was going to start eating rice day in and out again so that my family had enough food to eat.

But Violet was running out of food, and Lee was almost out of formula.

I was freaking out. We still have almost two more weeks till the next month's check. And still no word from food stamps. ARGH, the government is so frustrating.

Laundry is stacking up, we are almost out of clothes- and I had to use the laundry money for food. Just another month, right?

It usually isn't THIS bad. I mean we struggle but this was FUCKING horrible. I must go to the food pantry. It's hard going there-not because of my pride or anything- I have NONE when it comes to feeding my kids. NONE.

I just wish I could help the other people that I see there suffering. I feel helpless because I have nothing to offer.

So my room is full of bags with laundry- and I have to get creative when picking out my daughter's outfits to go to school in. Luckily they think we're like fashionistas or something- because my daughter sometimes goes to school in tutus and crazy "fashion forward" clothing. I'm glad they think that and they don't think we're crazy instead.

I thank g-d for my family members that have helped me out this month. My aunt really came through for us this month, as well as my grand-uncle (without him I'd have nothing in the freezer), and I will pay her back, not matter what, with next month's check. Hopefully then we'll have gotten back food stamps, and months and months of retro. Hopefully.

My son's birthday was last week, and I had nothing- no money to buy him a single present. Thank goodness for the dollar store- at least I was able to get some balloons- with my laundry money and a few ingredients for the cake I made him. I wasn't even able to have a small celebration for my little man, like I wanted.

I get asked a lot of times- why is money so tight? Well..we are supporting several people- both my kids have special needs- which usually means "special" more expensive food. Very expensive actually. We also live in the city- and very expensive city- where everything is extremely costly.

I long for the day- where all my bills are paid, we have more than enough food and we have money left over. I don't care about luxury items- I really don't.

That's what gets me so annoyed with rich people. They don't know how good they have it. And the things they waste money on is ridiculous.

All I want to know is that we have the necessities- like toilet paper, tissues, diapers, wipes, the list goes on and on. I haven't bought any "luxury" items in so long. Because I know that money could be used for laundry or food!

When I read the paper, the things that celebrities do with their money is appalling. They could be helping so many people in need!!! I would help fix up so many shelters in the city, and make them safe for children. Most shelters in the city are terrifying. Sometimes not any better then being out on the street!

I'd also help get better food in the food pantries and make it more accessible for the homeless. There are SO many people in need that could use help.

But most rich people feel that those people are not their problem- and that the poor should "get a job". I hate this sentence- because really they know NOTHING about being really fucking dirt poor, and/or having a mental illness. A large percentage of homeless people have a mental illness- "getting a job" is really not an option. And really- "get a job"?! In this economy right now- even people with a Master's degree are having a difficult time getting a job nowadays.

Listen, even my husband- with a 162 I.Q. ( technically a genius- "regular people" have an I.Q. of about 135) has had a difficult time for years "getting a job".

I dream- not of being a billionaire, though being a millionaire- I could help a lot of people. I dream of days where collectors aren't calling me non-stop and not having to go to the food pantry because food stamps have fucked with me yet again.

Sorry for the long ass rant. But I'm tired and cranky.

Luckily I have my kids here to cheer me up.

I really hope things get better for everyone, all my poor friends out there that are struggling.

I love you all, and can't wait for the day I can help everyone and pay everyone back.

My prayer are with you all. G-d Bless you.

Thanks for listening.

Kisses to all my struggling bitches out there! I feel your pain.

Asking God for a Miracle...

I posted a blog a few days ago- and I deleted it recently.
It was about my ongoing battle with people to try to understand why my husband can't work- right now.
My daughter has a terrible sleeping disorder that she will be in the hospital for, to see what's causing it. Once my daughter starts sleeping- hopefully soon when they figure out what's wrong- he would be more than happy to find work.
We WANT and NEED money to come in. It's not a choice to be this poor. It's horrible.
When buying toiletries- like soap, tissues, deodorant- you know the very very basics-nothing luxurious- can't be bought. It's fucking rough.
I went to SSI today because the money they promised me never came. And I owe a lot of rent- besides every other bill.
I went there- and was shit on- I have to go back with yet even more documents.
Meanwhile I saw a woman in a HUGE FUR COAT with her pimp- or crackhead husband- being helped just fine.
So needless to say this day was not going too well at all.
Dave and I were talking about what we're going to do- we need to move- but with what money? We need a buyout- but who would buy us out? If we moved out of the city- my daughter would lose her services. But it'd be better to lose her services than be evicted from our house.
Then a small fire happened in the kitchen- don't worry we're okay.
It was a grease fire on top of the stove- I was able to put it out easily- but the smell has yet to leave even hours later.
As I'm cleaning my burnt stove- I thank God that it wasn't worse.
But I'm asking for a miracle- a real miracle- not money to get us barely through the month- but to get us out of this situation.
I tell you one thing- being in this situation for so long- makes me really want to help the homeless and clean up the shelters- so that they are a safe place for people who need to be there.
Everyone is so quick to save a dog, cat or animal, and that's great- I want to save them too- but what about the people- that are dying of neglect and poverty- not overseas- but in our own neighborhood-
Being so close to be homeless- puts things in perspective. I've had this perspective for a long time now. Different things drive me- than what drives others.
Most have never been near eviction, or didn't have any money for food.
They don't know what to say to me when I tell them my situation.
I usually get the "oh, don't worry everything's gonna be okay."
They say this just because they really don't want to think about it- they just want to put a loose band-aid on it- and make me feel better.
But it's crap. If I met someone in my position- I'd be different- If it was in my power to help even a little- I would. I wouldn't say everything's gonna be okay- I'd make it okay for them.
I choose helping people in need over a puppy.
Sorry puppies- you're cute and all- and loveable- but someone will most likely fall in love with you and adopt you- no one adopts a grown homeless man do they?

Asking for a miracle...