Friday, December 24, 2010
Sorry it's been a few days!
Just wanted to write a very quick blog post for today.
Violet and Levi met Santa!!! At Violet's school!
Violet tried to pull down Santa's beard!
And Levi screamed in fear!
Violet's school sent home her "communication book".
The minute she got home- she pulled out her book to show me what she wanted.
She pointed to "I want" photo and then the "Goldfish" photo.
I almost cried I was so proud of her.
And I went through the entire kitchen to find that damn bag of Goldfish crackers!
Thank goodness we had it! Could you imagine? The first time she requests something from me- and I DON'T have it?!
For the past few days my asthma has been acting up getting worse and worse.
I've been dizzy and wheezing. Fun Times!
But I can sit back now- because I finished cooking Christmas dinner.
BTW I totally went ape shit fucking nuts- because I had nothing I needed to start cooking.
Now I understand why my mom went crazy all those years EVERY single holiday.
God Bless moms everywhere!
I wish everyone a happy and healthy ( that's the Jewish part of me coming out) Holiday season and a very joyous New Year!!!
*photo of my daughter covered in vanilla pastry cream!!! She's so happy!
Lots of love to all!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
I asked Dave over and over again-
while he was on the Netflix menu on Kayla's PlayStation 3-
while he was scrolling through the list of shitty movies on instant play
Please, please please- go to the list of TV shows!
Over and over again-
Until I lost it and said to him
"If you don't go the the TV menu soon, I will punch you in the balls!"
To which to then looked at my mom and asked her if I talked like this to everyone?
My mom answered "YES!"
I really don't know exactly what my point was-
but I thought this was funny-
and very typical.
Women- first comes polite questions- then comes violence!
Men- Violence first- questions later???
*I enjoy this photo- it makes me laugh.
But I actually don't have a problem with breakfast in bed- I do that for my family a lot-
so then they are AWAKE and have no excuse to not come in the living room afterwards and help me with the kids!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
I've always been obsessed with all things hair related-
hair care products
you name it.
Back when I was babysitting as a kid I'd use most of my money to try out new hair care products- including different colors, conditioners, shampoos- etc.
I used to be an EXPERT on all things hair.
I used to practically live in Ricky's NYC (beauty stores)
It was my candy store!
Now, having been a mom for a few years now-
I haven't been as dedicated to the hair scene as I was before.
But I have learn many new things.
In my lifetime- I've had almost every single hairstyle known to man-
oh yes- it's true
you name it- I've done it
every color imaginable- natural and Unnatural!
Every hair length- including bald (about 6 or 7 times!) Except I have never grown my hair past my butt
I even had the word "Princess" shaved into my hair many years ago- because that was the nickname my girlfriend gave me a long time ago.
Like I said- I've DONE IT ALL!!!
This also is a very typical symptom of me being bipolar-
I change my mind all the time- I go through fashion phases- almost every month- even daily!
Back in the day I even colored my hair THREE times in ONE DAY!
Yeah-I'm Bipolar!!! FOR SURE!
Having done all this- yes I have had my hair fall out-
surprising when my hair wasn't chemically treated at all and was completely all-natural.
I now have several favorite GO-TO products.
Especially for curly hair.
My hair is very curly and very coarse
White girl- hair products didn't do the job for my hair-
and I finally tried some (don't ask me why they call it this- it's so stupid!) "Ethnic" hair care products.
Now I found the ones in the drugstore- weren't very good.
They were greasy and smelled bad.
I've used them ALL.
Now I have my favorites-
my daughter, Violet, has hair similar to mine, it's extremely curly- but it's fine baby hair at the moment.
But we still are able to use the same products.
I get complements on how GOOD my daughter smells- ALL THE TIME!
And that sh smells good enough to eat!
Now that's a compliment!!!
I always tell them it's her hair creme.
I'm giving away my secret now-
I used to only be able to find it at Ricky's- but I recently found it on amazon! Wooohooo!
Since there's no Ricky's near me in Brooklyn. Boo-hoo!
I LOVE this product- and it styles and conditions at the same time- and smell like vanilla cake!!!
I also find this product is great for kids!!!
I put it on my daughter's hair before school/ and or going outside.
It's a great way to PROTECT against LICE!
LICE HATE "Dirty hair" meaning- the only like freshly cleaned, no product used in, hair!
You learned something new now didn't ya?!
It's about $13. Now before you say- how expensive it is- because it is costly ( I'm POOR I KNOW THIS), it lasts for MONTHS and MONTHS!! You only need a little bit! It saves money in the long run!
My next fave product-
This one is about $10 and can be bought at target or http://www.target.com/
It is SO GREAT for my hair and really leaves it healthy looking and feels really soft!
LOVE LOVE LOVE this product!!
Next is a NEW favorite brand of hair care products for me:
Now these products can get costly- but if you buy one at a time- (usually around $10) or as a gift set- it saves you some money.
These products smell SO SUPER GOOD!!!!
And they make my hair look amazing! Curly, shiny and defined!!!
Especially the spray leave-in conditioners!!!
I find it leaves my hair even more curly than any other creme or hair lotion
Another oldie- but goodie product I've liked for a very long long long time-
Is by bedhead called Curls ROCK amplifier!
I was recommended this by a old Ricky's worker ( years ago) when they actually knew about the products they were selling (now dare to ask a question and all you get are blank stares!)
Now for Shampoo:
This is a tricky one- most shampoos are very drying for coarse hair.
The more expensive ones always seem to work better- but who can afford a $30 shampoo?!!!!
My old fave shampoo/conditioner/ practically every product was by kerastase!
REALLY EXPENSIVE products!! You'd make a killing with commission selling these products!
And they DO work- but I found the shampoo made my face breakout (years ago) so I stopped using them.
I have very sensitive skin- I'm allergic to practically everything out there!
So I decided to go the Sulfate-FREE route-
Even high end products- sulfate free- isn't very easy to fin- it's getting easier- but not quite there yet.
I tried L'Oreals sulfate free reconstructive shampoo-
and the verdict is- I FREAKING LOVE THIS PRODUCT
This shampoo you can get basically in every drugstore on the planet- well at least MOST of them anyways.
And it lasts a long time! A few months at least!
It's didn't dry out my hair, or make me break out. It smells good and leaves my hair extra soft.
So that's my list for now- Hopefully I'll have new fave products coming soon.
I'm not making any money off recommending these products-
I just thought it would be nice to share with all of you-
since I get asked these questions a lot by my friends.
Peace, Love, and Hair picks!!!
Holla to all my curly hair friends out there!!!
Yesterday was a very long long day.
I hadn't slept in two whole days- so I was blurry eyed all day.
But it was a day of miracles!
Dave the night before, injured his wrist and knee, doing repairs in the apartment and was unable to come yesterday with me and Levi to his IFSP ( early intervention meeting) near Wall Street in the city at 9 in the morning.
I had to wake Kayla up much earlier than usual, around 6 a.m. because we had to leave at 7:30 to make sure we got to the meeting on time.
Kayla was going cross eyed since she was so exhausted.
I was wiped out! I hadn't slept in two days- Levi had been up every single hour for two nights in a row-
I didn't get to nap at all during those days- I had too many things to do.
The day before I took Levi and Dave to a new school- this school was for Levi- not Violet.
I fell in love with this school!
The people there, the place- everything.
I find that even though I've been through this process before- I still know absolutely NOTHING!
I'm learning new things every single day!!!!
There is so much out there for Autistic kids now, and their families!!!
Anyways- back to yesterday-
The IFSP meeting went GREAT!!!
Everyone was on the same page.
Levi's new school ( he hasn't started yet) sent a coordinator to the meeting.
She was wonderful- and will help me get all the free services that are out there- for my kids!
Including getting straight medicaid! This would be a godsend! We've always had such a hard time finding doctors for my children that take our insurance.
She was so helpful! I knew- during that meeting- it was meant to be that I moved to Brooklyn.
Without moving here- I wouldn't have met these wonderful people.
The coordinator from the school, informed me about a "sitting service" ( like babysitting) for kids with autism!!! They take straight medicaid!!! It'll be a process to get all these services- but it gives me hope.
That maybe, just maybe, I could have some help. And get some relief!!!
I cried at the meeting- because I was so moved by everyone's help.
And they saw how I've been struggling.
Then again, I hadn't slept for two whole days!!!
This was by far the best IFSP meeting I ever had!!!
After the meeting we (Kayla, Levi and I) headed to McDonald's which was across the street for Violet's school.
There were only 3 kids in her class yesterday- so I bought Happy Meals for everyone!
For kids- that don't show emotion very well-
They sure looked happy to see McDonald's for lunch!!
One of Violet's best buddies CLAPPED for joy!!!
They are the best kids I've ever met- I love them all so much.
Lindsay, her best buddy came up to me and hugged me when she saw me!
This was Kayla's first time seeing Violet's school- she smiled from ear to ear the entire time we were there!!!
( about 3 hours!!)
Levi was allowed to play with all the toys and go to the sensory room.
He LOVED it so much!!!
And they loved him.
This is where Levi will go to school when he turns 3! For sure!
Violet was SO happy to see us there!!! We surprised her!!!
Apparently, she's been talking!!! Yup, talking in school.
She says some things- like- "Go away", "stop!", "cookie", she even tries to say her speech therapist's name- Stacey- but it sounds more like- "Ki-Ki"
She even has a communication board- with photos of words, objects and people she knows!!
Yesterday she pointed- by herself- to the "I" photo, "WANT" ( photo with the word on it) and "nuggets!" (photo of chicken nuggets!!!) When she wanted her chicken nuggets!!!!
I freaked out!!!!
She is so smart!!!
I cried- sobbed- when they showed me what she's been doing- and that she's been doing so well trying to communicate her wants and needs!!
It was a day of miracles for me.
You have no idea- what this day was like for me- emotionally.
To see, that my daughter understands things!!! Just made my heart explode!
The way home- wasn't has pleasant- it was freezing outside!!
And Kayla and I couldn't carry both the kids and the double stroller on the train/ or bus to go home. We needed a cab!
But no cab would take us to Brooklyn!
I was freaking out!! Violet was crying she was so cold- every place was jam packed with people- it was a nightmare-
I cut myself on the stroller and was bleeding all over my daughter while trying to keep her warm-
My blood all over her pants and jacket- it looked a bit like a horror movie after a while.
I scrambled all the loose change and money Kayla and I had- and FINALLY- Kayla got a gypsy cab.
He was wonderful- and definitely another miracle for me- yesterday!
He saved Kayla, my kids and I from frostbite.
I'd never seen Violet so cold before! EVER!
On the ride to home- I looked at Violet, and started talking with her.
I asked if she was excited we came to her school? Is Stacey her favorite?
And she did something she's never ever done before!
She looked me in the eye (EYE CONTACT!!!) and held my hand and snuggled with me- because I FINALLY understood her.
I'm getting teary eyed right now- writing this.
It's like she's been trying to tell me things all along- and I just didn't "get it".
But now I knew- she did understand- and she was happy.
That's all I ever needed to know.
She is my angel.
And of course Levi is too.
I thank God for them everyday- without them- I am nothing- truly.
Thanks for listening to my long freaking blog.
God bless you all,
I hope the holidays bring you everything you wish for and more!!!
*photo of Violet- very happy- at school. with her teacher and the classroom "smartboard" in the background.
She REALLY knows how to use the smartboard- perfectly.
One day- I would love to own a smartboard!! The day I win the lottery, right?!!!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Levi was recently diagnosed with PDD-NOS, with "the most severe symptoms of autism".
He's under two years old- and they don't diagnose most kids with Autism this early.
Everyone I tell, goes "Awww" or "Shit!" or "Fuck!!!"
I'm always surprised and kind of amused by this reaction.
I went through all this with Violet over two years ago.
I went through a whole week of crying thinking- "What did I do during my pregnancy that caused this?" Or just flat out "How did I cause this?"
Blaming myself- most parents go through this in the beginning.
I'm way past this stage. Even though people ask me all the time "Do I know what caused it in both my kids? Did I do something different?" All the usual inappropriate questions people ask.
These things happen- yes and it happened twice to me.
But I don't ever wish for my kids to be different than what they are.
Yeah, Levi cries a lot and bangs his head a lot, but he also makes me laugh so much and loves me more than I ever believed possible.
Violet is also hilarious!! And has the very best laugh I've ever heard in my entire life!
I love them both so much- just the way they are- I don't believe in "curing" them.
This is so stupid to me. And I believe it makes the kids feel that they are "wrong" in some way.
Now Levi will be getting a lot more therapy and might even go to a school for two hours a day.
It's a big change for him, but I know it helps a lot in the end.
Many of my friends have no clue how to "handle" my kids.
When we're in a restaurant all together- and my daughter is eating cream cheese with her fingers and there's cream cheese all over her hair and face! The whole time- smiling and laughing to herself- just SO darn happy!
Levi crying in the highchair.
They get embarrassed.
This is so ridiculous to me- I mean "GET OVER IT!"
Where I go- my kids go- that's just the way things are.
I don't have money for babysitters- plus I don't trust anyone with taking proper care of my children. I knew many babysitters and they were a disgrace!
Especially since I babysat for over 13 years!!! I would've done anything for these kids- I treated them like they were my own. They even slept over my house.
I would've taken a bullet for them- yeah- when I take care of a child- that's the way it goes and is supposed to be- kid- first, YOU- LAST!
If you don't feel this way- DON'T take care of kids! You SUCK at it!!! Give UP!
Seriously! You suck!
That's why I don't trust nannies or babysitters.
But like I said- I can't afford them anyways.
I barely trust my family watching my kids.
Especially since Levi is even more destructive to himself lately.
He feel on his head twice in five minutes last night- thank goodness for carpeting!!!
I love my kids- and yes it is a challenge shopping with them and running errands- but that's what I gotta do.
Plus I miss them when they're not with me.
EXCEPT for last night- when I went to the supermarket by myself for a few things (seltzer I cannot live without you- you complete me!!!).
The kids were with Dave and Kayla at home.
I smiled at everyone, started conversations and went through every single aisle just plain HAPPY.
Everyone smiled back- and was so super nice!
It only lasted a few minutes- the shopping experience- but it was bliss!!
We got our Christmas Tree yesterday and put it together (fake of course- otherwise my kids would be EATING the TREE!!!)
Levi was rocking back and forth smiling staring at the lights on the tree, Violet was even teaching him NOT to pull the lights on the tree. She just pulled his hand away from the lights and said "Nah nah nah" In her sweet little baby girl voice!!
It was exciting!
We haven't put the ornaments on the tree yet- I'll be taking photos and recording when we do!
This is the first year that Violet is aware of Christmas. It's really special.
So don't say "Awww" or pity me- that's stupid.
All I ask is that you understand. That's all.
Not TOO difficult, right?
*photo of Levi with a christmas tree hat in a shopping cart
Monday, December 6, 2010
Yesterday was INSANE!
Yeah I know, most of my days usually are- but really this was nuts!!
Dave, Kayla, my kids and I went to the nearby mall yesterday.
Kayla and I needed winter boots desperately and we wanted to get the kids some toys for the holidays.
The mall was packed- but that didn't bother me that much- what really frazzled me was Levi who screamed straight yesterday for about five hours!!!
My kids get days like these, I can't really do anything about it- just get through it.
Violet on the other hand was fantastic while shopping, she was happy and very well behaved!
I didn't get much shopping done because of Lee's screaming.
Afterwards we went to Loews' across the street from the mall. I had to pick up a few things for the new place.
After an hour and half there going through aisles- I was going to drop!
Pass the fuck out- I was just pushing through it because Dave was still shopping, or at least looking around for things he needed.
Levi was STILL screaming!
At Loews's they have this "buggy" cart for kids- with a two steering wheels- it's very cute- and I'm very thankful for this invention! TRULY!!
I put Levi and Violet in this wonderful cart.
Levi has some issues with Violet- mainly because every time she sees him in the house she pushes him down to the floor- laughing hysterically. She thinks this is SO funny!
Levi is a very sensitive little boy- Dave and I say one day he'll be captain...of his tea party. While Violet is captain of the football team, the soccer team, track team- you get what I'm saying.
The minute I put Violet right next to Levi in the cart- Levi started pushing her away crying even more!
I,of course told Levi "NO". This Levi still has no concept of- the word "no" is like I'm speaking an alien language to him.
Violet was just looking at him, like "What is your problem?"
She still has no clue why Levi gets upset around her- at all.
Violet was holding a musical ornament that she kept playing over and over again- while Levi is crying banging his head against the steering wheel!
At one point lee was "driving" the cart holding both steering wheels- while Violet was obsessed with her ornament.
You all know, my son is a head banger.
The steering wheel was soft- so there wasn't any worries- but he looked like a baby with road rage!
I had to laugh! So here I was laughing pushing this crazy looking "buggy cart" with both my kids- one of them screaming and banging his head against the wheel!
I looked like the worst mom in the world- I'm used to this look.
People look at me- like I can't "control" my kids because they don't understand that my kids are autistic!
Fuck 'em!!! That's what I say!
I told Dave we got to go home, I was going to pass out- and I had to get home and make dinner.
We called a car service- it's only $5 from the store.
We rang up everything at the cashier- the woman was such a cunt!
But I pushed it off- people have bad days- I understand this.
Then the car came- LATE. While my kids and I are freezing waiting forever for this damn car.
We were three adult two babies.
The guy said we were "too many people".
I said " But my kids are babies- they're small and will sit on our laps, it's only a few blocks"
He yelled at me "They're STILL PEOPLE!!!"
Are you kidding me???!!!
So I sent Dave, Kayla and my kids in the car with most of the packages.
There was no room for one of the strollers.
Plus it's pitch black outside- about 20 degrees, I have no gloves, or hat- just a coat and a fucking empty stroller! I practically ran- 13 very unfamiliar blocks.
Before you get mad at Dave, it was my decision to send him home. He has a busted knee, and him, my kids and my sister mean more to me- than myself- any day.
I got home only a few minutes after they did- yeah I'm fast!
On the way there I saw this HUGE guy- looking all kinds of wrong-
I saw him, he saw me- on an empty sidewalk- I followed my instincts- and ran right into the street- with my empty stroller.
Yeah at this point- he thought I was FUCKING nuts- so he didn't follow me.
Is stopped by a lotto place- thinking "oh man, THIS must be my lucky fucking day, Right?!" (sarcastically of course) I had three dollars in my pocket- I bought 3 tickets.
The guys at the counter looked at me and the empty stroller.
I told him I had been kicked out of a car, because the crazy driver said there were "too many people".
He asked how many blocks do I have to walk in the cold home?
I answered "Around thirteen".
He shook his head in awe- and wished me a lot of luck!
I finally got home, Dave was still loading bags into the house.
When I got settled- hands frozen- I realized I never had my phone with me- man I was SO lucky!
Dave tells me that he almost KILLED the driver!
The driver wasn't helping Dave unload the bags while Dave was holding Levi- so Dave snapped!
And threatened the driver " If you don't help me with these goddamn bags, I swear I will bust your fucking head in!"
Then yelled at my sister "Bring me Mister Rogers!!!"
Before you think Dave is out of his mind- we call our wooden baseball bat ( at least 20 lbs heavy), "Mister Rogers". We find this hilarious!
When the guy heard Dave yell at Kayla, he started hustling and moving the bags really fast!
Dave shouted "If you break anything in these bags and will bust your fucking kneecaps!"
The guy was so scared at this point.
Kayla had forgotten to get Mister Rogers- and thank goodness because Dave would've killed him.
Dave the whole time was thinking of all the horrible things that could have happened to me- driving him into madness, truthfully.
I know for certain- Dave loves me more than anything on the planet- even though we argue, I know this to my core.
He would kill for me, die for me- you name it.
He's obsessive this way.
And I appreciate it.
I was shocked when I heard what happened.
Even more shocked when I found out my mom had cooked and I didn't have to!
I sat the kids in their highchairs and we all ate everything so fast!
I had been awake since 6 a.m.- it had been a very "full" day for me-
Dave and I passed the fuck out the minute the kids did- at 8:45 p.m.
Sleep didn't last long- and we ended up awake most of the night tending to Violet- who made up for being so good that day, by keeping us hopping all night long. hahaha!
I even cleared out the refrigerator at four a.m!
I had time on my hands!
That was my insane day!!!
How was yours???
*photo that Kayla took of my kids and I in Loews
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Hey guys and gals.
This past week was CRAZY!!!
Both my parents have been insane.
I think everyone here has lost their minds COMPLETELY!
DO you ever have this moment where you realize your parents- or even just one- wish you never existed?
Yeah I get this a lot.
Not from my mom, although on Thanksgiving during all the drama in the kitchen, my mom turned to me and yells "You wanna know why I crazy?! YOU'RE the REASON that I yell and scream all the time!"
She said this with this insane look in her eyes- like she'd been in prison at some point.
At this point I just had to laugh my ass off, I replied "So I'm the reason you're CRAZY?!"
She responded "YES!!! YOU ARE!"
I turned to Dave and just laughed and laughed and laughed, my mom had finally snapped!
But back to my dad, the one I know for certain wishes I never existed.
I bet he wishes he never married either. Or has the "shitty life" he thinks he has.
I know he blames me for us moving from his "precious, wonderful, Manhattan apartment".
According to him- he sacrificed everything for his family.
Which to me- is the biggest bunch of bullshit I've ever heard in my life.
It didn't matter to him that my kids and I weren't sick all the time- or that our room was covered in mold, that our stove didn't work and leaked gas, that the paint all over the house was chipping, the cabinets and sinks were rotting. None of this mattered to him.
The only thing that mattered to him was that stupid shit hole of an apartment and that it was in Manhattan.
I grew up with my dad being an absolute prick. He was angry all the time and would break things with his head!!! Bash his head against the walls when he was angry while screamng at me- This STILL wasn't the worst thing he did to me. There was- oh so much- more still. He always terrified me.
Not until I was around 14 did I start to fight back and yell and scream at him.
I always told Dave, that the man- he met- my father- about 12 years ago- was a sweet little innocent kitten compared to the way he was years before.
Ever since we moved my dad has been a maniac.
He was fighting with me all the time about everything and anything.
It was really pissing me off.
Because no matter ALL the shit he's done to me over the years- I STILL try not to fight with him.
The last time we really went to blows- and I almost punched him, was a few years ago, when Violet was around a year old.
If it hadn't been for Dave practically catching me in mid flight to jump-punch him int he face (I think I've played mortal combat a few too many times), I would've killed him.
I was just about to lose my fucking cool with him yet again, until Dave took him aside- and basically threatened to "Karate chop" my dad in the balls (TRUTH!!!) That my dad backed down a wee bit.
My dad isn't afraid of anyone- which is SO ridiculous to think this- except Dave.
He's seen Dave lose his temper- and Dave is the one person- other than me- people should be scared of.
See I'm more a scrappy crazy- like a crackhead (but I'm not obviously!). You never know what's gonna make me snap- and what I'm gonna fucking hit with you with.
Dave is more- the I'm really big and intimidating and looks like he has serious anger issues- he could probably crush someone's skull with his bare hands- I'm sure of this.
My dad and me- we don't mix.
I try to stay as calm as possible with him.
To me- he's still a child. He reacts like a child.
I TRY my very best to stay calm with him and not get pissed off by everything single crazy thing he says.
On another note we are getting settled in our place.
Still trying to figure out our surroundings- but we're getting better.
Today is my 4 year wedding anniversary to Dave- the anniversary of our hack wedding at city hall.
Such a bad day for us- it was pouring rain we were fighting- I was scared shitless! I was as white as a ghost!
Dave was screaming at me saying "You don't want to marry me??!"
Yeah- it was a bad day.
My dad showed up in a stained shirt and pants- trying to have us hurry up because he needed to get back to his office ( it was only a couple of floors UP in the same building!).
My mom was late- but showed up with flowers for us- I thought she was going to miss my hack wedding!
My dad and mom weren't talking or getting along.
My mom couldn't figure out how to work the video camera, the judge couldn't get my name right.
All together the wedding wasn't more than a minute long.
We were BROKE- so we went to the dinner for a piece of shitty cake.
Did I mention I was four months pregnant with Violet at the time? And nauseous?!
And here we are today four years later- and it's pouring rain yet again.
Fun times. Fun times.
*photo found on google images.
YEAH- I TOTALLY HAVE DADDY ISSUES!!!