Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Being real poor- not Rich man's poor...

Let me start off by saying it sucks being poor. Now when I say poor- and mean POOR.
Not rich man's poor like Nicholas Cage or any celebrity claiming to be poor. Or poor like my evil grandmother, but poor- so poor I'm several months behind on my bills. My family had to borrow money from my evil grandmother- she works hand in hand with the devil, I'm sure. Now before you go judging me- you have to know something about me. One- I love my family more than anything or anyone. We work like a hive- dependent on one another- my mom, dad, sister, husband and my two young children.
I'm a very loyal person and it takes a lot to get on my bad side. I have two grandmothers- one who has dementia and means the world to me- the other, my father's mother- treats my family like horse sh*t- actually less than. She has never helped us out of the goodness of her heart- because frankly her heart is black and cold. She thinks I live in a fantasy world because she won't ever except her son's (my father) flaws and thinks I'm making things up. My father and I have had a very rough relationship. The details I will not say here- in my blog- but maybe one day in a book I plan to write about my life someday.
She is an evil woman who doesn't do anything just to help- everything she does she expects things in return even from the penny less.
Getting back to what I was talking about earlier- it takes a lot for me to hate someone. But my grandmother falls into that category.
We borrowed money from her so we wouldn't be evicted- yup things are that bad.
We're looking for someone to buy us out of this apartment so we could move somewhere way more affordable- somewhere to call our own- and not be afraid of being evicted from. To be able to keep our heads way above water- which seems impossible at this moment in time.
We borrowed money from her- and I, alone, have to pay her back a large sum of money monthly until the debt is paid.
This sum of money- is way more than I can afford. We have no money for food or our bills. I go to a food pantry to make sure my family can eat.
She claims she is "poor"- yet she has never been behind on a single payment in her entire life and grew up being a socialite. I hate when rich people claim to be poor.
Their idea of poor doesn't include food stamps, going to a food pantry, or governmental disability assistance in mind.
Poor is my life. I work everyday on trying to get out of this horrible, nightmare of a situation- but being poor is a trap- it's like a hamster wheel. A never ending hellish nightmare. Which makes me worry sick, day in and out.
This evil woman would rather my family go hungry and be out on the streets than not be paid back.
But I have to believe that God is just and swift and those that do wrong- will get what they have coming to them.
I'm waiting for that moment. That moment where her delusions of being a good person and mother will come crumbling down- and she will see all the hurt and pain she has caused. She will one day feel remorse and regret. One day and hopefully soon before it's too late.
I pray daily to god to help me better my family's life.
Thank you all for listening and for your understanding.
Love you all.
God bless you.

Monday, November 16, 2009


I went to a new eye doctor two weeks ago. He was in the neighborhood- so figured I'd give him a try. It was a little dinky office, kind of run down. The doctor- was easily 80 years old and smelled like my grandma.
The first thing he asks me about is my tattoos. What are they? When did I get them? You know the usual questions I get asked. While he's testing my eyes- he starts holding and squeezing my hands and asks why I don't want to squeeze back? I was so nervous about f*cking up the eye exam and getting big freakin' coke bottles for glasses- I just laughed it off as silly old man. Then he kisses my hand and says I don't know why but I like doing this.
I'm having a hard time realizing he's hitting on me. A 80 year old eye doctor is hitting on me! He then puts my face in this thing that blows air into your eyes- kind of surprising but not horrible feeling- and says if I don't like the feeling I could kiss him.
I'm like WHA????!- in my head. Again just laughing nervously- not really wanting to hurt a horny old man's feelings. I mean he smelled like my grandma. I love my grandma!!!
Finally the exam is over and I talk for awhile to the woman helping me pick out my new glasses- which would take TWO weeks to be ready. My old glasses were a completely wrong prescription and I was told not to wear my old prescription ever again.
I have horrible eyesight in my left eye- which make my right eye over compensate- which leads to the worse migraines ever!
So long story short- I went to a dirty dirty doctor- who made me feel like taking a shower and cleaning off the dirtiness- waited two weeks with NO glasses- got my glasses today.
Everyone likes them so far except for Violet who tries to rip them off my face every chance she gets.

Today's heart attack...

I have daily heart attacks- mostly due to my daughter- who has no consideration for her own well being and puts her life in danger several times daily.
This time is was my hubby.
We all went to the doc today. Violet, Levi, David and I are sick.
ARGH!!!! Anyone living with a big family will tell you- if one gets sick THEY ALL get sick.
PLUS- my husband's blood pressure is through the roof- and was told by the doc- he needs to make a will and a proxy RIGHT AWAY!
So I'm crying in the office holding Violet- who had just been sobbing a minute ago because the doctor was lightly touching her. Did I mention she's a drama queen????
The doc told me " You're a mom- you don't have time to cry". The doctor is a mom too-so she knows- we moms have NO time to be weak, vulnerable, tired or sick.
My husband and I are constantly tired because my two and a half year old daughter NEVER EVER sleeps. We are trying to help her in every way possible- to help her get on a sleep schedule- this not only affects her during the daytime and her functioning abilities- but ours as well. Energy drinks, coffee- any caffeine available.
It's bad. Thank goodness in this case that I have low blood pressure ALL the time- so the caffeine doesn't affect me the way it does my hubby.
I told him- he can't go anywhere- he's not allowed to die. He said "Okay, I won't." with a smile.
God help us!
kisses to you all!
Stay tuned....