I just got a call...from the grave.

Yeah! You are as surprised as I am. I didn't know they had cellphones in heaven...or hell, either!!
Let me explain-
It's my creep out moment of the day.

I was in the bath, when I notice my cellphone going off.
The name "Victor Hugo" was listed with no number- calling me.
I rejected the call because I reject any number I don't know.
Plus this wasn't a number, this was a name, of someone I have never met before.
My phone never shows the name, unless I have it listed as a contact of mine.

When I got out of the tub, I checked my phone, no voicemail, no nothing.
It wasn't even listed in my call log!!! It was like it never happened!
I look up the name, and come to find out Victor Hugo is a dead author.
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Creepy right?

I told my mom what happened, and added "I had no idea the dead could make phone calls!"
"Maybe he was calling to tell me to finish my fucking book already!"
Who knows, right?

I know I'm always apologizing for not blogging enough lately, but I have very good reasons for that.
Number one reason- I am doing both night and day shifts with my kids. No naps, no breaks, no nothing.
Why, you ask?
Because David And I are having a trial separation right now.
He is living elsewhere right now. While I take care of the household, the doctors appointments, the shopping, and the kids.

A quick note- Dave and I have been having problems for years. I'm sure he won't agree with this statement. But I've felt this way for a long time.
I mentioned I was very unhappy. He asked if I wanted a divorce. I told him I didn't know.
He left the next day. That was his decision.

This is a difficult time for me right now. I feel every emotion at once.
I've known him for almost half my life. It's a big adjustment, for me and the kids, but I'm sure we will be okay.
I don't think they've noticed yet, but I worry for when they do.

I don't know what the next step will be, or what tomorrow will bring. I'm just taking one day at a time.

Kisses Bitches.
Thanks for listening to mah stories.

More things about marriage everyone should know

I've learned that across the board- men keep women from sleeping.
How you ask?
Let me tell you.

Every single night whether it be 10 p.m. or 2 a.m. if my husband sees that I have opened my eyes even a smidgen he'll start yapping his mouth away at every single thought that been going through his mind the past five minutes, or the past five years!
And there's no way to stop this yap train! Because I'm in bed and really exhausted from a full days work with my kids and family. He knows I cannot run, or even get my fat ass up out of the bed- to get away from the yap attack, to get some much needed sleep!

I asked some of my girlfriends about this, and their husbands do the EXACT same thing!!!

See the stereotype is ALL WRONG!!!! It's not the woman that yaps away the day and night- it's the MAN!!!

Dave tried to do that this morning- no I wasn't trying to go to sleep but I was tired and watching Levi play, while TRYING to stay awake and alert.
He starts showing me the things he's learned on the Internet and everything else on his mind, including his to-do list for the day.
I felt like my mind was being flung out the window.
I finally yelled "STOP!!!! You are sucking the life out of me!!!"
He looked shocked.
Of course, I realized I just MIGHT have been a tad too harsh and of course apologized.
He knew I was kidding...kinda.
But he saw my apology as a chance to continue talking...which was a no-no.
I FORCED him to go get some rest, in the bedroom. While I stayed in the living room watching Levi.

Oy Vey!
Hey- to all the guys out there!!!! Stop your yapping when you see we are exhausted.
We might just end up smacking you in the back of your head!

Kisses Bitches!

Quickie

A quickie- no, not sex sadly. Ha ha.
Just a quick update:
My dad is on a long list of people getting laid off this year. When? We have no clue! But It's gonna happen. I'm urging him to take early retirement- but he's very stubborn.
Oh and he broke his friend's nose, in a fight, with his head! Totally broke it! And now his friend needs surgery!  Now we have to pay his medical bills. Oh BOY!
His boss is sending him for anger management, hilarious but a bit too late in my opinion.
So things have been mighty stressful here in "Camp crazy nut house" ( meaning my home). My kids have been on vacation this week, and I've never missed school more! I've been having mini nervous breakdowns during the week. Plus both my kids have been abusing me AND loving me. Is this what they mean by tough love????
"I love you! I hate you! No, I love you!" Make up your minds!!!!
I'm thinking of cutting my hair short again, just to spite my son. So that he can't rip out chunks of my hair anymore!!! "Owwwwie" My scalp is on fire!
I'm so slept deprived, Dave said I was crabby (so was he obviously- from lack of sleep), while I had a wet pee pee diaper in my hand. BAD IDEA! I was about to throw it away, but I had a WAY better idea- instead I threw it (the CLOSED pee pee diaper) at his face! We both laughed!!! And then tried to hit each other with the dirty diaper!

Yeah, that's lack of sleep for you. These are the ways we take out our aggression on each other.

Kisses Bitches!!!

Forget tomorrow, Today is where the madness lies

Yesterday was a nightmare, and today ain't looking too good either.
I spoke to a nurse yesterday, I had called the doctor earlier and a nurse called me back instead.
The nurse was one of the dumbest people I've ever spoken to before,
and that's saying A LOT!
A few clips from our ridiculous conversation:
She told me, "There's nothing the doctor can do about the size of my thyroid."

YEAH DUH! I realize he can't do magic! But how do we treat it?
"There's nothing we can do."
Uh seriously?! I called him because he TOLD ME TO CALL if I felt WORSE than before.  And surprise! I do!
Plus I have a few questions for him.
"Well, what are your symptoms?"
I feel out of breath, extremely tired and horrible pain in my joints.
"Have you felt this before?"
Yeah, I've suffered from thyroid problems for over tens years, YES I've experienced this BEFORE!
"Yeah, but have you experienced this before?"
Are you serious?! I just told you YES I HAVE!!
"Well your symptoms have nothing to do with your thyroid."
Uh, I beg to differ. They HAVE EVERYTHING TO DO WITH MY THYROID!

This went on forever. She's a fucking moron!
I was SO pissed off after the conversation. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then Dave had come home early, from taking Violet to the dentist.
I found out she tore the waiting room apart- literally!
Ripped their plants apart, ripped tags off the chairs, jumped off the couches, tantrumed and screamed her head off!!!
So much so that another older patient in a wheelchair was terrified of her, starting screaming trying to roll himself away from her!
YEAH THAT'S MY DAUGHTER!
Dave couldn't handle her anymore and postponed the appointment.

I was upset, obviously at the way Violet reacted and also that she never got to see the dentist.
I've taken Violet by myself to so many doctor appointments, back when we lived in Manhattan. And she was a tyrant then too! But I made sure the doctor got to see her.
And I did it all by myself.

So I was really agitated yesterday.
I finally got a call from my doctor- not the nurse. The very first thing I said to him was
"Never ever ever make me talk to that nurse ever again!"
He seemed confused, and he was in the middle of eating, he asked "why?"
I answered "because I felt like I was being cranked. She's an idiot and really pissed me off."
I gave him examples of our conversation. All he said was "Oh. Okay."
We had a long talk about my thyroid.
He said that even though my blood tests were negative. I have an auto-immune disease.
Which one, he's not sure of.
But it's extremely rare for a female my age, to have such a small, under active thyroid without some type of auto immune disease causing it.
It's also very rare that I should be feeling this horrible on such a high dose of thyroid medication.
I told him, "You don't know me yet, but I promise you, you will see that everything extremely rare- happens to me. I'm a medical oddity, and have been told this many many times by many many doctors."
I asked him, if it's still possible that I have Lupus since I have all the symptoms including hair loss. He said it is possible, even though the tests are negative.

Right now my hair is falling out again, by itself. Levi's grabby hands don't help the matter. Plus I've been bruising really easily. Abnormally easily.
But as I've come to realize, everything about me is abnormal.
Lovely.

The doctor also said that if he ups my medication, I will have a heart attack!
So I'm going in next week, 3 weeks early, for another blood test.
So that I can SHOW HIM PROOF, how low my thyroid is right now.
I mentioned that, we had talked about the possible heart damage my thyroid has caused.
I asked him to recommend a heart doctor, in the same hospital, that he will work together with on my case, since I do have heart problems.

More doctors appointments, more craziness to come.

I felt so stressed yesterday, my back was killing me.
I was about to have a nervous fucking breakdown!!!
Money problems AND health problems galore!!!
I just can't take much more!!!

Just thought I should vent about this before it was purposely erased from my memory.
Levi had fever last night, but I thought it broke because he woke up drenched in sweat!
Well I was wrong, this morning- he woke up yet again with a high fever and the left side of his neck is swollen like a baseball!

I've been calling the doctor, but her office isn't open yet.
So I guess back to the doctor, we go.
And I was really looking forward to going to Lee's school and seeing my mama clan!
I'm exhausted and it's only 9 A.M!!!!

Kisses Bitches!
PLEASE let blessings come my way! I desperately need them!

What Nightmares are made of..

SHIT!
And..my day- today.
Today sucked hairy-balls-monkey-ass feet!!!

The day started with me feeling like shit- no- more like I was shit on and ATE shit.
That's more what it felt like.
I've been feeling physically okay for two weeks, not mentally at all- but physically.
Today- all the good- went flying out the window-
I've been really really tired for three days- and coffee ain't cuttin' it.
Like ZOMBIE kinda tired- I might start eating brains at this point!
And I've been getting sleep! That's the killer! I've been getting sleep- but I'm even more exhausted.
Then today I was feeling like I was gonna pass the fuck out flat on my face.
So I took another thyroid pill, hoping it would magically up my incredibly low thyroid.
NAH- it didn't.
Anyways to make a long story short-
this is what happened TODAY:
-Had nightmares all night long about vomiting- and my Violet vomiting- very weird.
-I was nauseous ALL DAY LONG.
-I broke a glass in the kitchen, shattered everywhere- cleaned it up half asleep.
-took Levi to school
-came back- he started tantrumming- why? I have no clue- he wasn't hungry, or wet.
-He bashed his chin into the crib, was okay- then when we put him down to run around- he walked fast straight into my parents doorway!
FACE FIRST!
He hit it so hard he FLEW backwards!!!
He had a big bump on his head- still screaming Dave and I put ice and pressure to the bump/bruise- so it wouldn't get any bigger. I was freaking out and trying not to show it- I felt like throwing up!
- Levi's bump went down, as much as possible- it's still bruised
Violet then pushed him down- making him bang his head AGAIN.
Violet was going to get a time out when Dave had to change her diaper- and the POOP diaper fell on the living room carpet!!
That was the last straw! I screamed a fucking HORROR MOVIE SCREAM- so loud!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Get the shit off my carpet!!!
I can laugh about this now- but then I was FREAKED. No one was cleaning it up fast enough.
I couldn't take much more!

Could I even possibly write this if it weren't true???
No one can make this shit up!

That is my life.

Now Levi and Violet are at peace sleeping for the time being- until the day starts again at midnight to them waking up every hour.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

I love my babies- I really do.

Kisses Bitches!!!

been quiet for awhile

hey guys and gals!
I've been quiet for awhile- sorry about that.
A lot of things have been happening.
My birthday just passed. I turned 30 years old.
Usually, I would think nothing of it-
but for so many years, including this year- I couldn't see beyond the present day.
I never believed I had a future.
I still don't.
I spent a lot of time in crisis mode.
I lived a very fast, hard fucking life- in a short amount of time.
The point I'm getting at is that I never ever believed I'd make it to 30.
Not because my body would kill me (even though it's tried so very hard so many times), but that I would kill myself.
I tried during my stay in hospitals (plural). I not afraid of pain.
I LIVE through pain.
At least I've learned to tolerate it.
Since I feel physical pain all the time now.
Funny since when I was a child I didn't feel physical pain.
Didn't know I'd broken bones until the day afterwards.
I would run into door knobs to see if I could bust the door open with my head.
Yeah- I was a very "special" kind of child.
Didn't feel pain.
Now it seems that's all I do.
I have spent so many years poor, dirt poor, that I don't expect any type of gifts or even cake at this point.
I remember many birthdays miserable- broke and eating rice so that my family could afford to eat food.
I'm used to starving, I've done it for over two thirds of my entire LIFE! And no I do not "enjoy" starving anymore.
I was surprised on my birthday when my parents made a big deal about it.
It was very strange and a welcomed emotion from me.
The day in itself, was similar to every other day- until it came to dessert.
My dad had bought me a birthday cake!
Yes, it was one of the only flavors I dislike (chocolate mousse- eww!), but I didn't let him know.
I don't get moments like these from my dad, so I tried to enjoy this one.
As I was about to blow out the candles-I noticed there was no camera.
No, I'm not constantly posing for the camera-
it's a tradition of ours to take a photo of blowing out the candles every single birthday, like most families.
I asked Dave to get the camera, he seemed to not care.
This angered me a lot.
He knew the tradition, and why this birthday meant something to me, but he seemed too busy eating a burger to pay me any mind.
Needless to say, I blew out my candles without a photo to capture the moment.
I was furious and this sparked a huge argument between Dave and I.
I won't go into details, other than he did share that he's been depressed for many years now.
And can't "feel" happiness.
I starting writing this blog- two days ago-
in the middle of writing this my son starting puking he's guts out.
Everyone had the stomach virus and are still recuperating.
Now I continue this blog- days later- and I'm not feeling the same emotion I was when I was writing the blog.
Today it is Dave's birthday.
And like me, he never ever saw a future for himself.
Yet here we are on his 38th birthday, celebrating (kind of) with our two kids.
I want to make a big deal about it. But he still doesn't feel well- so buying a cake and going out, is out of the question.
And I think he's still depressed.
Plus today I get a call from my landlord that my CRAZY neighbor is complaining she doesn't have heat "because there are too many people here taking showers all day long".
Meanwhile she has five people living there, none of them little babies.
I only have two more people here, and they are both under four years old!
What a fucking crazy person!
Tell I meantion, she came knocking on MY door at 8p.m. a few night ago blaming me for her not having any hot water.
Even though I spend many days with no hot water myself!
Oy Vey!
It's times like these I really wish I had moved to Florida, instead of here.
And had our own house- with no landlord or upstairs neighbors complaining.

I dream of warm weather, our OWN place and no one to answer to.

I dream a dream worth living for.

Kisses Bitches!
I NEED MONEY! The LOTTO would be AWESOME!

FUCK the weekend!!

As I said earlier- in a previous blog post-
My new doc let me know- that my thyroid is fucked up.
This isn't anything new obviously!
She told me to cut OUT one thyroid pill and UP the other.
I knew this was a very very bad idea.
So instead of cutting the first one out- I cut it in half, and upped the other like she said.
I spent most of the day in some of the worst pain in my entire fucking life!
EVERYTHING HURT!
My bones, muscles, my body was swelling really badly.
I was gonna call 911 at this point!
I felt like I was in a K-Hole!!!
Hey if you're old enough, and did drugs like I used to- remember K-HOLE????
It sucked- but that's besides the point.
It was a fucking nightmare.
I have been so fucking bitchy and angry for weeks now.
DAve and I both realize- we are WAY nicer to strangers than we are to each other.
But I was gonna explode!!!
Yesterday morning I had a fight with Dave at 4 A.M!
When we went back to bed- I told him, "I just might end up choking you in your sleep."
He responded half joking, "Well that's why I don't stay in bed all night long. Because I'm afraid I'll never wake up!!!"
I started hysterically laughing- but I knew he was kinda right. I was about to fucking SNAP!!!
During yesterday a lightbulb went off- I called my doc asking to go back on my anti-psychotic (Geodon),
I had been off it for about two months- because we were worried that it was affecting my heart.
At this point- I didn't care.
The night before - all I dreamt about was slapping people!!!
I was INSANE!
But I've also mentioned in my blogs that anger is my first clue- irriational anger is my first clue- something is going to happen- to my heart and my body.
The end of yesterday I spent wanting to die, the pain was so bad.
I couldn't move!
I gladly took my geodon last night- hoping to pass out!
Praying for a near black out- to go to sleep and not wake up till morning.
And I DID!!
I do, I really do love love love my drugs.

I woke up way less swollen- at least five pounds less!!! And decided obviously this doctor has no clue what's wrong with my thyroid, so I'm not gonna cut down, or cut out my thyroid pill- till I see an endocrinologist.
I KNOW for a fact something is REALLY REALLY WRONG with my thyroid- and I'm not gonna mess with it till I see someone with some knowledge of such things.
Like I said previously- my doctor had said she's never in her entire life seen blood results like mine.
Meaning- one- I'm TRULY UNIQUE!!! hahaha!
and two- She's never treated someone with my problem!

Today I went back to my normal first pill, and still upped the second.
It was like a brand new fucking day!!!
The birds were singing and I was happy.
I was still uncomfortable- remnants from yesterday.
Plus I have bone pain all the time now.
Did I mention I've had the sniffles all day long too?
I was nice to everyone, not angry.
I felt somewhat at peace.
I cleaned the house, cooked brisket, stewed vegetables and risotto.
YEAH baby!!! I'm back!
In an 84 year old body- but still I'm kinda happy today- and that's way better than before.
I took a quick walk with Dave to the bakery- a block in, stabbing pain starts in my ankle and then my leg. I ended up limping the rest of the way there and back like the fucking humpback of notre dame (Dave: it's really HUNCHback, but,... uh..., yeah)!
But I was determined to not let the pain get in my way.
DAMNIT I wanted cookies! And I wanted them NOW DAMNIT!

And I got my damn cookies! Na na na boo boo!

I'm typing this blog with my foot up on my couch because it feels broken even though I KNOW it's not.

I love GEODON. It makes me- NOT a serial killer.
A little angel- with a raging angry little devil inside just waiting for the fucking moment to get out and motherfucking party, bitches!!!

On that note I leave you.
KISSES BITCHES
Rock out with your cock out!!! Woooooohooooooo

*P.S. I'm gonna be going blonde- SO blonde, people will have to wear sunglasses to look at me directly.
And maybe then...dreadlocks??? My options are open.

*P.P.S.- I came into the livingroom yesterday- after just waking up, and Lee's therapist was there working with them. She saw my hair (and how big an afro it was).
She looked SHOCKED! And said "I've never seen it that big!"
At first I really wanted to say all these dirty jokes that jammed into my head, like a bunch of fat people stuck in the doorway of a cake shop (I LOVE fatties!! Don't HATE!).
Such as-" You mean my dick?!" (you get the idea)

But my real anser "Yeah actually this is it small, it can get three times bigger.
I TOLD YOU MY AFRO WAS BIG!!! COME ON, MOM!! Tell me who my REAL father IS!!

Last night...

I finally lost my virginity.
Nah- That's a fucking LIE!

I thought it was a great way to start this blog though.
It got your attention, and I'm SURE you're very confused right now.
Just the way I like you!!!CONFUSED.

Last night was the first night in about 4 MONTHS that I went out on the town- at night- in the city!
You all know- I have heart "issues", so Dave kept threatening me- that if I wasn't well enough we wouldn't go out, and end up staying home.
At this point I didn't care if my heart fell out of my body and onto the floor.
FUCK THAT SHIT!
I was going out to see my friends perform.
I took aspirin earlier in the day- because in the morning my heart wasn't doing too well.
I was really getting to my breaking point with everyone and the constant upkeep of the house.
Cleaning up after seven people- 2 of which are really crazy kids- it's nearly impossible.
And really taking a toll on me.
I was putting clean clothes away, and straightening up our bedroom while Dave was sleeping.
I hadn't slept well in a few days, so getting agitated wasn't exactly difficult.
I was arguing with Dave, basically waking him up- when he fucking LOST it.
BTW the night before I got into a fight with both my sister and Dave because they weren't helping me enough with the house.
I told them, "You don't want me to have a heart attack- then FUCKING DO SOMETHING!"
Meaning cleaning the house, chores and such.
They understood, and felt badly that I was working so hard. That night they cleaned the living room. That made me so happy!
They promised that from that point forward they would do everything.
LIES! LIES! LIES!
Back to the story-
Dave lost it, started SCREAMING at me, slammed the bedroom door shut so hard that the door lock shot off the fucking door knob!
He was telling me to sit down and shut up and to stop cleaning. That he would do it.
I just stared at him- at his rage attack- and I don't know why- this totally proves how fucking insane I am- because in the FUCKING FACE of death- by Dave's hands- instead of being scared- I started hysterically laughing.
Again, I have no clue why. But I found this whole situation so freaking funny!
I couldn't stop laughing...at David screaming.
This of course made him more and more angry.
Obviously- he didn't kill me, or hurt me. I'm still here.
And he never ever wants me to die- that was the whole point of his rage attack.
But man- that look in his eye was that he was gonna fucking kill me and all I could do was laugh! Not forcing myself to laugh- that would be SO stupid! But really honestly laughing and I couldn't stop.
I really think something is wrong with me.
Dave always tells me, that I'm the one fucking crazy chick that would go face to face and provoke a massive angry guy ready to kick my ass.
I do have one set of fucking balls I know this- because every time I'm close to death- I just get in the person's face- because I'm scrappy. You never ever know what a scrappy crazy bitch is gonna do, that's for sure!
After my laugh attack. I was angry at Dave for the fight.
Not that I hadn't started it. But I have major issues with his temper obviously.
He then started folding clean laundry, I sat down next to him and he then told me, all teary eyed and trying not to cry (Dave is just like me in that we HATE showing vulnerability- especially crying!!!), that he had just had a nightmare that I was cleaning and yelling- and then died, right there on the floor of a heart attack.
Right then and there- I stopped being mad. I saw why he was so upset.
Because his nightmare was coming true, and he didn't want me to die.
I am Dave's best friend, besides being his wife.
I know, he would not be able to function, if I died- when I die.

We then got ready to go out, into the city, to see a few very close friends of mine perform.
Because of my health, and having two autistic kids- going out at night- ain't easy!
I had planned this a month ago, when I first found out about the concert/ CD release party.
My mom and sister watched my babies while Dave and I went out.
We ended up going out to dinner, a great Japanese food restaurant right next to Pomme Frites (on 7th street and 2nd ave.) I had the very best ramen I've ever had in my entire life.
Dave drank both his and my drink with dinner.
I wasn't planning on drinking for obvious reasons, but I did want a taste!
Afterwards we walked to the first of my friends performances, at Recoup Lounge.
Nea Phyte (neaphyte.com)! I suggest you all check her out!
I love her!!! We go way back! We worked together on photo shoots for a long time, sometimes me being the model, sometimes me being the hairstylist.
We always had a great time! She's a creative genius!
Dave was totally wasted after dinner, and it was only 7:30 p.m!!!
He was shouting while thinking he was whispering, scaring all the chicken heads in the area (A DEFINITE PLUS!!!), saying things like: exact words-"I'm smooth! I'm as smooth as a Butter Dick!"
I had no idea what he was talking about- or even to- at this point.
We got to the lounge (which I remembered back in my lesbian days- it was a lesbian club and they had a wicked 80s night every Friday- oh yea with a stripper pole attached to the bar!!). When I mentioned this to Dave, about the stripper pole attached to the bar. He replied with "Wow. That's technology!!!" See??? What the hell was he talking about??! Robot Strippers or something??
Back to the story.
I took some photos of her performing, she was brilliant!
Dave still was suffering from a cough- and decided to self-medicate. He took both adult cough medicine, adderal (an upper), with aspirin ( you know- so that HE doesn't DIE!) with a Corona. Good job, Dave. Good job!!!
I threatened him, I was gonna send him home. If he dropped, I couldn't pick him off the floor by myself. NO WAY!
He begged, that we continue our night out and that he was having a GREAT TIME!
Oy Vey!
Nea's friends gave us a lift to nearby Arlene's Grocery (where my other friends were playing- the band JSE!!! http://www.myspace.com/thejsenyc)
Dave was leading me- the wrong fucking way- because I was stupid enough to follow a drunk.
Luckily I asked a chick- for directions.
We arrived at Arlene's Grocery- and that's when the night really became magical for me.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVED Nea's performance, but the place Recoup- was not cool enough, in my opinion, for my great friend, Nea, to perform, she needs a stadium and a great sound system to back her beautiful vocals up!
Dave had yet another drink...or two or three.
I had my first and LAST drink- and it sucked. REALLY?! How do you mess up a vodka and tonic??? It's so simple! That's why I ordered it!!!
Again, I'm getting off topic.
It was finally time for my friends, to perform on stage.
And they BLEW everyone AWAY!!!!
Dave was so shocked. He hadn't heard their music before.
Youtube videos and mp3s didn't do them justice!!! At all!!!
The whole time I'm thinking how much, I would love to manage this band. How both Nea and JSE should be famous! Are definitely talented and attractive enough to "make it" in the business. Plus they are good people!!!!
How many talented people- are GOOD PEOPLE??!!! AND FAMOUS?!
Not many at all!
I thought about my days, talking to music producers and hanging out at Sony music studios (Shout out to NADINE!!! I miss YOU!).
I thought about how amazing their music would sound on CD if it was recorded in a state of the art music studio.
ARGH!!!
But time ( being a busy- barely sane- mom) and health problems (physical and being bipolar obviously) keep me at bay.
I hope my friends make it big. They deserve it!!!
My girl, Natalia, sings in the band- and her stage presence is undeniable.
She's so confident and beautiful on stage.
Jay- lead guitarist- is a magician with the guitar! As well as having a great voice.
The drummer- is THE BEST drummer I've ever heard perform. Really incredible!
Two bass players, performed last night in the band- Nappy (the coolest name ever, right?! Real Name!)
And Joseph Haines- who dressed like he was from the movie Scarface! Also brilliant on Bass!
And guest singer Robert Bermudez Cordell. When him and Natalia sang together- it was simply magic.

That's enough of me praising people- remember I hate being nice ;)

So enough of this blog post already- it needs to end. I mean who likes to read anyways, huh?!
Play that funky music, White Boy!!!


Kisses Bitches!!!
ROCK OUT with your cock out!!!

* photo I took of Dave and I outside last night, in the rainy shitty weather.
He as you could tell, was already wasted.
a quote from Dave last night "I feel like one of the fucking penguins from (the movie)Happy Feet!
When all other leave- WE REMAIN!!! When the sun vanishes from the sky- WE REMAIN."

Sucky fucking day yesterday!

No- no sucky- fucky.
That would have been great!
This was the exact opposite.

Yesterday I had a "team meeting" at Levi's school.
Where, apparently, none of them even knew my son.
And the whole 9 minute meeting (supposed to be an hour long), I was attacked the entire time- by idiots!
Basically, treating me like I do nothing all day long, and don't take care of my son.
I FUCK YOU NOT!
Insane, right?!
They were snotty and rude to me.
You all know, I LIVE at the doctor's office- because both my kids and I are always ill.
They were asking me why Levi didn't have the "barium swallow" test. Because he chokes on liquids and certain solid foods.
I've explained to them a million- and two- times. I NEED a referral for that, and I haven't been able to FIND a doctor- that's not a complete idiot- while living in Brooklyn.
They think, I'm being "lazy".
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
I was restraining myself from jumping across the table and ripping all their fucking tongues out of their throats.
And some of the supervisors look twelve years old. SERIOUSLY?!
I'm thinking, are they just out of elementary school????!
WHAT THE FUCK!
I got some more bad news yesterday, a good friend of mine had a miscarriage.
I felt so horrible for her. She's going to make an awesome mom.
And I've been there- several times- in that same position.
IT SUCKS!!
And it sucks that some parents get pregnant and have kids- that don't even want children!
Meanwhile, you have these amazing women, who have so much love to give to a child, and can't have children.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
I had the halter monitor removed yesterday morning by the nurse and had blood taken.
The sticky stuff from the halter monitor ( that was used to stick the monitor onto my skin) left my skin a mess, and in some cases left WITH my skin. Fun, fun times.
Like I said- YESTERDAY FUCKING SUCKED!!!
My service coordinator, showed for the meeting, and she is AWESOME!
She caught the tail end of the meeting, because it had started early- not to my liking- and ended over 50 minutes before it was supposed to.
But, she got to see how ridiculous this so-called team "meeting" was.
She comforted me in Dunkin Donuts (on the corner of Lee's school ), while I cried, out of frustration.
She offered me a donut!
She's so sweet and always goes way above and beyond the call of duty.
She ended up getting my family and I a half-dozen donuts to bring home to my family.
She's so sweet, I'm very lucky to have her on Levi's case.
I talked to my mom last night, on the sofa. And she knew I was trying so hard not to cry. She knows me- I hate being vulnerable.
She told me that I SHOULD cry and let it out, because she's here and she's my mom.
It's times like those that I REALLY appreciate my mom.
And get to see how special and awesome she really is.

Yesterday, the entire day- my heart was "acting up", even when I was relaxed and not thinking about anything.
Of course, this happens when the halter monitor ISN'T attached to me.
While it was attached- nothing happened of course!
ARGH!

I'm going to Levi's school today, with him, as per usual.
And will speak to the "higher up" at the school about what happened.

Kisses Bitches!!!
No SUCKY FUCKY!!! hahahaha!

*photo of me- old old old photo.
I feel like this- but way less modelly.

The Burning Bush

Sorry it's been a few days-
Since my last blog post-

Levi is now bald. I was cutting his hair with a pair of haircutting scissors...then decided to use the buzzer, because cutting my son's hair- AIN'T easy!
So...now he's bald.

Violet is sick with a fever of 102- and above.

Things are a wee bit hectic.
So hectic in fact...
that my sister's va-jay-jay was set on fire.
Let me explain.
Funny story actually.

She was on the toilet, when she lit a match...not smoking (she's a straight edger for now).
And dropped it in the toilet- while she was STILL on it!
She dropped it and heard a sizzle,..and made a spark (snap crackle and pop)!
She realized her bushido was on fire!

When she relayed the story to dave and I- we were dying and crying laughing so hard!
And then we came up with a thousand and one- comebacks...
These are gross BTW...but FUNNY!

1- Did you blow it out and make a wish??? (I wish for a scholarship to Art College! *pouf!*)
2- After the burning bush spoke to you...did you free the slaves in Egypt??
3- Hey, who wants Tempura?!
4- Did God then show you the Ten Commandments? ( my mom said this!!!)
5- Hey, smells like a Dominican hair salon in here! (BTW I LOVE ME some Dominican hair salons!!!)
6- Due to fire damage...the bakery is closed!
7- "It's like God said...Shave your CAT!" (my sister said this! That's how fucking cool she is, bitches!)

There were so many that followed... but that was last night...and we totally forgot them all.
After the blurry night that followed- both my kids didn't want to sleep! At all!!!! We are lucky we remember our names!

BTW- she gave me permission to share this story- because SHE IS THAT FUCKING AWESOME...and you're not! Unless you prove yourself to me!

Kisses Bitches!!!

P.S.- She's okay. My sister's lil fire crotch!

If you have any other good/hilarious comments to follow...please feel free to list them!

Good and bad news...

Good news- actually GREAT news- my grandma is back home and doing better.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bad news- I'm still doing the same- and avoiding the hospital at all costs.

I'm trying not to overwork myself- but my family knows nothing about cleaning apparently.
And since my mom is at my grandma's- it's ALL up to me, to keep this house from looking like an insane asylum.

I told my sister today- that if I have a heart attack from cleaning the fucking house- I will haunt Dave and her for the rest of their miserable fucking LIVES!!!
Saying in their ears "Clean the motherfucking HOUSE!!!"

On another note- if Dave doesn't put down the fucking PS3 controller- I told him I'll throw him AND Assassins Creed Brotherhood- out the fucking window!

See I made a mistake- I bought him the freaking game. Thinking MAYBE just maybe- he would play responsibly.
I was SO totally wrong.
I even tried hiding the fucking game- but he found it! FUCK!!!!
I would actually- dare I say- like this game if I knew he would only play it when the kids were sleeping.
It drives me INSANE!!!
When I told him I'd throw him out the window- his response was "Please throw me out first, then the game, so at least the game would be safe!"

I FUCK you NOT!
Yeah- I don't say "kid you not" I hate that phrase. I much prefer "FUCK YOU NOT!"
I have a bunch of sayings- don't worry you'll learn them all.
And they'll rattle around your head FOREVER- until you catch yourself saying them too!!

MUAHAHAHAHA!
That's my master plan!!!

Another phrase of mine- when someone does something stupid- instead of saying they're stupid- which isn't very nice- and you all know I'm ALL about being nice ;)
I say "Talent!"
Because they are talented- at doing stupid things.

Yeah anyways- that's enough lessons for today, bitches! Okay?!

Kisses Bitches!
Spread the FUCKING LOVE!

P.S.- Dave now thinks he's Italian- he keeps speaking Italian to me. He's freaking SPANISH for goodness sakes!