Quickie

A quickie- no, not sex sadly. Ha ha.
Just a quick update:
My dad is on a long list of people getting laid off this year. When? We have no clue! But It's gonna happen. I'm urging him to take early retirement- but he's very stubborn.
Oh and he broke his friend's nose, in a fight, with his head! Totally broke it! And now his friend needs surgery!  Now we have to pay his medical bills. Oh BOY!
His boss is sending him for anger management, hilarious but a bit too late in my opinion.
So things have been mighty stressful here in "Camp crazy nut house" ( meaning my home). My kids have been on vacation this week, and I've never missed school more! I've been having mini nervous breakdowns during the week. Plus both my kids have been abusing me AND loving me. Is this what they mean by tough love????
"I love you! I hate you! No, I love you!" Make up your minds!!!!
I'm thinking of cutting my hair short again, just to spite my son. So that he can't rip out chunks of my hair anymore!!! "Owwwwie" My scalp is on fire!
I'm so slept deprived, Dave said I was crabby (so was he obviously- from lack of sleep), while I had a wet pee pee diaper in my hand. BAD IDEA! I was about to throw it away, but I had a WAY better idea- instead I threw it (the CLOSED pee pee diaper) at his face! We both laughed!!! And then tried to hit each other with the dirty diaper!

Yeah, that's lack of sleep for you. These are the ways we take out our aggression on each other.

Kisses Bitches!!!

Forget tomorrow, Today is where the madness lies

Yesterday was a nightmare, and today ain't looking too good either.
I spoke to a nurse yesterday, I had called the doctor earlier and a nurse called me back instead.
The nurse was one of the dumbest people I've ever spoken to before,
and that's saying A LOT!
A few clips from our ridiculous conversation:
She told me, "There's nothing the doctor can do about the size of my thyroid."

YEAH DUH! I realize he can't do magic! But how do we treat it?
"There's nothing we can do."
Uh seriously?! I called him because he TOLD ME TO CALL if I felt WORSE than before.  And surprise! I do!
Plus I have a few questions for him.
"Well, what are your symptoms?"
I feel out of breath, extremely tired and horrible pain in my joints.
"Have you felt this before?"
Yeah, I've suffered from thyroid problems for over tens years, YES I've experienced this BEFORE!
"Yeah, but have you experienced this before?"
Are you serious?! I just told you YES I HAVE!!
"Well your symptoms have nothing to do with your thyroid."
Uh, I beg to differ. They HAVE EVERYTHING TO DO WITH MY THYROID!

This went on forever. She's a fucking moron!
I was SO pissed off after the conversation. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then Dave had come home early, from taking Violet to the dentist.
I found out she tore the waiting room apart- literally!
Ripped their plants apart, ripped tags off the chairs, jumped off the couches, tantrumed and screamed her head off!!!
So much so that another older patient in a wheelchair was terrified of her, starting screaming trying to roll himself away from her!
YEAH THAT'S MY DAUGHTER!
Dave couldn't handle her anymore and postponed the appointment.

I was upset, obviously at the way Violet reacted and also that she never got to see the dentist.
I've taken Violet by myself to so many doctor appointments, back when we lived in Manhattan. And she was a tyrant then too! But I made sure the doctor got to see her.
And I did it all by myself.

So I was really agitated yesterday.
I finally got a call from my doctor- not the nurse. The very first thing I said to him was
"Never ever ever make me talk to that nurse ever again!"
He seemed confused, and he was in the middle of eating, he asked "why?"
I answered "because I felt like I was being cranked. She's an idiot and really pissed me off."
I gave him examples of our conversation. All he said was "Oh. Okay."
We had a long talk about my thyroid.
He said that even though my blood tests were negative. I have an auto-immune disease.
Which one, he's not sure of.
But it's extremely rare for a female my age, to have such a small, under active thyroid without some type of auto immune disease causing it.
It's also very rare that I should be feeling this horrible on such a high dose of thyroid medication.
I told him, "You don't know me yet, but I promise you, you will see that everything extremely rare- happens to me. I'm a medical oddity, and have been told this many many times by many many doctors."
I asked him, if it's still possible that I have Lupus since I have all the symptoms including hair loss. He said it is possible, even though the tests are negative.

Right now my hair is falling out again, by itself. Levi's grabby hands don't help the matter. Plus I've been bruising really easily. Abnormally easily.
But as I've come to realize, everything about me is abnormal.
Lovely.

The doctor also said that if he ups my medication, I will have a heart attack!
So I'm going in next week, 3 weeks early, for another blood test.
So that I can SHOW HIM PROOF, how low my thyroid is right now.
I mentioned that, we had talked about the possible heart damage my thyroid has caused.
I asked him to recommend a heart doctor, in the same hospital, that he will work together with on my case, since I do have heart problems.

More doctors appointments, more craziness to come.

I felt so stressed yesterday, my back was killing me.
I was about to have a nervous fucking breakdown!!!
Money problems AND health problems galore!!!
I just can't take much more!!!

Just thought I should vent about this before it was purposely erased from my memory.
Levi had fever last night, but I thought it broke because he woke up drenched in sweat!
Well I was wrong, this morning- he woke up yet again with a high fever and the left side of his neck is swollen like a baseball!

I've been calling the doctor, but her office isn't open yet.
So I guess back to the doctor, we go.
And I was really looking forward to going to Lee's school and seeing my mama clan!
I'm exhausted and it's only 9 A.M!!!!

Kisses Bitches!
PLEASE let blessings come my way! I desperately need them!

Sucky fucking day yesterday!

No- no sucky- fucky.
That would have been great!
This was the exact opposite.

Yesterday I had a "team meeting" at Levi's school.
Where, apparently, none of them even knew my son.
And the whole 9 minute meeting (supposed to be an hour long), I was attacked the entire time- by idiots!
Basically, treating me like I do nothing all day long, and don't take care of my son.
I FUCK YOU NOT!
Insane, right?!
They were snotty and rude to me.
You all know, I LIVE at the doctor's office- because both my kids and I are always ill.
They were asking me why Levi didn't have the "barium swallow" test. Because he chokes on liquids and certain solid foods.
I've explained to them a million- and two- times. I NEED a referral for that, and I haven't been able to FIND a doctor- that's not a complete idiot- while living in Brooklyn.
They think, I'm being "lazy".
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
I was restraining myself from jumping across the table and ripping all their fucking tongues out of their throats.
And some of the supervisors look twelve years old. SERIOUSLY?!
I'm thinking, are they just out of elementary school????!
WHAT THE FUCK!
I got some more bad news yesterday, a good friend of mine had a miscarriage.
I felt so horrible for her. She's going to make an awesome mom.
And I've been there- several times- in that same position.
IT SUCKS!!
And it sucks that some parents get pregnant and have kids- that don't even want children!
Meanwhile, you have these amazing women, who have so much love to give to a child, and can't have children.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
I had the halter monitor removed yesterday morning by the nurse and had blood taken.
The sticky stuff from the halter monitor ( that was used to stick the monitor onto my skin) left my skin a mess, and in some cases left WITH my skin. Fun, fun times.
Like I said- YESTERDAY FUCKING SUCKED!!!
My service coordinator, showed for the meeting, and she is AWESOME!
She caught the tail end of the meeting, because it had started early- not to my liking- and ended over 50 minutes before it was supposed to.
But, she got to see how ridiculous this so-called team "meeting" was.
She comforted me in Dunkin Donuts (on the corner of Lee's school ), while I cried, out of frustration.
She offered me a donut!
She's so sweet and always goes way above and beyond the call of duty.
She ended up getting my family and I a half-dozen donuts to bring home to my family.
She's so sweet, I'm very lucky to have her on Levi's case.
I talked to my mom last night, on the sofa. And she knew I was trying so hard not to cry. She knows me- I hate being vulnerable.
She told me that I SHOULD cry and let it out, because she's here and she's my mom.
It's times like those that I REALLY appreciate my mom.
And get to see how special and awesome she really is.

Yesterday, the entire day- my heart was "acting up", even when I was relaxed and not thinking about anything.
Of course, this happens when the halter monitor ISN'T attached to me.
While it was attached- nothing happened of course!
ARGH!

I'm going to Levi's school today, with him, as per usual.
And will speak to the "higher up" at the school about what happened.

Kisses Bitches!!!
No SUCKY FUCKY!!! hahahaha!

*photo of me- old old old photo.
I feel like this- but way less modelly.