Spock hair taught me a thing or two.

So..I did my sister's  hair many many many hours after my major seizure this morning and then did mine, almost on the verge of unconsciousness- which is totally the way I see myself going- with a set of clippers in my hands,  or gloves and haircolor😅 . So this is my new new look, for a hit minute.  I likey.

Sorry for being  MIA lately.  Been really ill  and then you know I get truly bored and push myself really hard to do something creative,  like coloring and cutting my family's hair and mine- also because I'm the only hairstylist in the family,  and I can't stand looking at bad hair.
Uggggh. Pet peeve.  And it always happens.  I'll be sitting in the doc's office with a family member and realize,  dammit ! I gotta get myself together,  and do their hair soon!
I AM that person. This is one of my crafts I've done since I was 12 and told my mom - STOP cutting my sister's hair!  Just stop!  She looks like Spock, for goodness sake!  You shaved of her damn sideburns! She's 3, and going into Pre-k, and looks like Spock! Enough is enough!  Put down the garden shears! You are a mom! Not a hairstylist! !!"
And that was the birth of my path.
Fucking Spock hair

I must apologize!

I'm so sorry I've been so super lazy about blogging lately.I totally SUCK!
Please forgive me!!! Pretty please!!!

Okay, enough begging.

I've had a very hectic few days.
-A Mets game (Thanks Cindy and Mireya for the tickets and for taking me with you!!! You ROCK!)
-Drinking- I love you Tequila!!! And I hate you...just a little bit.
- And my bestfriend's kid's (J's) birthday party.

Yeah. A lot, right?!
Last night we went to J's b-day party. It WAS AWESOME!!!
My kids went nuts! But they were afraid of all the bouncing equipment and slides and such. So they just ran back and forth like mad.
My friends got to see how hyperactive my kids are. They all kept saying "Wow! Vivi is FAST!!!!"
Yeah! That's why I'm tried all the time!!!
The night prior to the party, I was up all night. Very manic. My thoughts were racing, I couldn't sleep, and my heart felt like it was going to explode!
I thought I was having a fucking heart attack.
*for those of you that don't know my health history-
I have very severe thyroid problems that, the doctors have told me, CAN cause a heart attack, even at this young an age.
I took an aspirin and within thirty minutes felt my heart finally slow down and I was able to sleep. This was of course at 5 a.m!
Dave almost didn't let me go to the birthday party, afraid I'd die at a fucking kids party!
Sorry, I find this hilarious. Just the thought of dying at a kids party, surrounded by kids just running circles around me.
I have a very sick twisted sense of humor. I apologize in advance.

The Mets game was actually kind of fun. Except for the freakin' hicks and jocks I was surrounding by, they pointed and laughed at me because of my hair.
Like, really?! How fucking stupid are you?!
These are also the same people that think the clitoris is make believe.

Anywhoo- You would think my kids would have passed out cold after the birthday party, but nooooooooo not my kids. They were up for hours afterwards.
Oh lucky me.
I was ready to curl up and die, but my kids were still jumping and running around.

I'm gonna try  to write more blogs more often, because it's not like I ever run out of things to blog about. EVER!!!
In fact there's, always way too much to blog about, that I have a hard time writing about just one thing that happened.

Kisses Bitches!!!
Rock out with your cock out!

Quickie

A quickie- no, not sex sadly. Ha ha.
Just a quick update:
My dad is on a long list of people getting laid off this year. When? We have no clue! But It's gonna happen. I'm urging him to take early retirement- but he's very stubborn.
Oh and he broke his friend's nose, in a fight, with his head! Totally broke it! And now his friend needs surgery!  Now we have to pay his medical bills. Oh BOY!
His boss is sending him for anger management, hilarious but a bit too late in my opinion.
So things have been mighty stressful here in "Camp crazy nut house" ( meaning my home). My kids have been on vacation this week, and I've never missed school more! I've been having mini nervous breakdowns during the week. Plus both my kids have been abusing me AND loving me. Is this what they mean by tough love????
"I love you! I hate you! No, I love you!" Make up your minds!!!!
I'm thinking of cutting my hair short again, just to spite my son. So that he can't rip out chunks of my hair anymore!!! "Owwwwie" My scalp is on fire!
I'm so slept deprived, Dave said I was crabby (so was he obviously- from lack of sleep), while I had a wet pee pee diaper in my hand. BAD IDEA! I was about to throw it away, but I had a WAY better idea- instead I threw it (the CLOSED pee pee diaper) at his face! We both laughed!!! And then tried to hit each other with the dirty diaper!

Yeah, that's lack of sleep for you. These are the ways we take out our aggression on each other.

Kisses Bitches!!!

Short little story

My sis reminded me, that a long time ago, I had a T-shirt that read "I did Britney Spears Three times" ( I got this shirt from the "reject box" on the street).
I was in the Halloween store, wearing the t-short of course, when a guy asked me "So, how was she in bed?" My very manic reply "I had to teach her EVERYTHING". With a wink of course.
I'm sorry Britney- I don't mean to tarnish your reputation in any way. I only wish I did you three times. I only wish :'(


Kisses Bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Burning Bush

Sorry it's been a few days-
Since my last blog post-

Levi is now bald. I was cutting his hair with a pair of haircutting scissors...then decided to use the buzzer, because cutting my son's hair- AIN'T easy!
So...now he's bald.

Violet is sick with a fever of 102- and above.

Things are a wee bit hectic.
So hectic in fact...
that my sister's va-jay-jay was set on fire.
Let me explain.
Funny story actually.

She was on the toilet, when she lit a match...not smoking (she's a straight edger for now).
And dropped it in the toilet- while she was STILL on it!
She dropped it and heard a sizzle,..and made a spark (snap crackle and pop)!
She realized her bushido was on fire!

When she relayed the story to dave and I- we were dying and crying laughing so hard!
And then we came up with a thousand and one- comebacks...
These are gross BTW...but FUNNY!

1- Did you blow it out and make a wish??? (I wish for a scholarship to Art College! *pouf!*)
2- After the burning bush spoke to you...did you free the slaves in Egypt??
3- Hey, who wants Tempura?!
4- Did God then show you the Ten Commandments? ( my mom said this!!!)
5- Hey, smells like a Dominican hair salon in here! (BTW I LOVE ME some Dominican hair salons!!!)
6- Due to fire damage...the bakery is closed!
7- "It's like God said...Shave your CAT!" (my sister said this! That's how fucking cool she is, bitches!)

There were so many that followed... but that was last night...and we totally forgot them all.
After the blurry night that followed- both my kids didn't want to sleep! At all!!!! We are lucky we remember our names!

BTW- she gave me permission to share this story- because SHE IS THAT FUCKING AWESOME...and you're not! Unless you prove yourself to me!

Kisses Bitches!!!

P.S.- She's okay. My sister's lil fire crotch!

If you have any other good/hilarious comments to follow...please feel free to list them!

Happy New Years!!!

Hey everyone- sorry I fell off the planet for a week,
Turns out my whole family and I had strep throat.
Violet is still fighting it, as is Levi.
But Violet did eat for the first time in about 5 or 6 days!
Yeah- my daughter is EXTREME!

It was a very calm and quiet New Years Eve.
The kids fell asleep early and Kayla and I were having a hard time keeping ourselves awake!
We'd been so ill this whole week, that sleep is worth it's weight in gold right now to us.
Dave had to go to the bathroom, close to the time of the New Years Ball dropping in Times Square (on t.v.)

He got out- JUST in time!!
With only 1 SECOND to spare!!!
Yeah- That's marriage for you-

He rushed out of the bathroom, because he told me- if he spent new years eve in the bathroom, I'd never ever let him live it down!

Hahahahahaha!!!
He's so right!

When he got out of the bathroom, I told him he was too late! Just to fuck with him!!!

And that's marriage in a nutshell, truly.

Kisses Bitches...oh yea And have a Fuck AWESOME New Year!!!

This ALL happened just yesterday!! The madness!

Yesterday was a freakin' comedy.

Dave moved lots of boxes in Karen's mini van yesterday. Karen- you're my angel I love you! Have my babies! (just kidding- well not really.)
Anyways- While Dave was with Karen- I was at home with my sister and two crazy kids.
Violet was trying to kill Levi the entire day!
It was such a struggle to keep Levi alive and well yesterday. My daughter is like the terminator- she feels no remorse or pain, she can't be stopped!

When Dave got home, we had to take the kids out and get some formula for Levi. It was around 6 p.m.
Violet was hungry-
She saw a BIG freakin' box of sugar cookies in Walgreen's and wanted it-
Then came the meltdown!
Full blown meltdown in the middle of Walgreen's!!!
And she smacked me in front of everyone!
Holy shit I was about to lose it!
Not at her- even though she was testing my patience, she's autistic- she doesn't understand.
I wanted to shout to all the onlookers that my kid is autistic and to BACK the FUCK off!

So I get her McDonald's across the street and all is well again.
PHEW!!!
Later that night- we had Indian food.
I LOVE all different types of food! Food is my true love!
Anyhow- Dave ended up farting up a fucking storm- almost gassing me out of the house!
He was killing us all!
So Kayla starts lighting matches to take away the scent- since we had no air freshener.
I take the box from her, not realizing she doesn't blow one of the matches completely out and it was still on fire- right next to the box!
I scream in pain- because I just lit my finger on fire (don't worry- no one can kill me that quick- I AM the fucking TERMINATOR BITCH! BOO-YAH!
I start ragging on my sister- cuz it's FUN! That she tried to kill me and light the whole box of matches on fire!

I go inside to tell my mom- because it's so funny. Reminding her that I'm her favorite daughter- to which she looks at me like I just escaped a fucking institution!  Because I'm NOT her favorite obviously!
Dave yells out to me "You're a snitch! And would've been knifed in prison."
To which I respond- "Or fucked by a really handsome MAN!"
He said "Hello WOMEN'S PRISON!"
"So?! It would've been a very handsome woman. I don't care!"
He replies- "So what happens in prison stays in prison????"
"uh no- it could follow you home and kill you. HELLO!"

Yeah this an a prime example of our usual conversations.
Just when I think the madness has come to an end-
Dave and I are laying in bed- kind of comatose because we're exhausted. The day had murdered us!
He says to me- exactly this:
"I think my dick hole is gonna fart!"
I went "uhhhh- what?! You know you can't fart through your fucking dick hole, right??
"Well that's what it feels like!"
Laughing hysterically I reply "Are you fucking NUTS?!"
He then said " Well you roll the dice, you pay the price."
At this moment I know Dave must be fucking high on methane from his ass at this point.
I answered "What the fuck are you talking about, crazy?!"
"I had Indian food- shit was gonna happen."

Yeah- this was my fucking day

Kisses Bitches!!!

Got shot in the freaking nipple!

So after a long grueling day- I decided to put all my frustrations and such away- and go cook an amazing meal.

Yep- I'm not gonna be modest about this one- I was fuck awesome! Fresh homemade Puttanesca sauce with sausage and linguine pasta.

Just thinking about the meal I just made and ate- makes me happy.

But while making this amazing meal- I felt a bit nauseous- from the whole messed up thyroid thing I got going on- what always helps it - at least for me- is seltzer.

I put some in the freezer to get cold quick.

I opened the freezer door- as Dave stood next to me talking- and saw as if in slow motion the seltzer bottle coming towards me- falling out of the freezer and aimed directly at me-

And that's when it happened!

It shot me in the fucking nipple!

What the FUCK?!!!

I screamed as if I had really been shot- by a freaking bullet!

As I grabbed my boob- in pain- I realized how fucking funny the whole event was. And Dave and I couldn't stop laughing.

Just thought I'd share my embarrassment yet again- to share with all of you.

Don't worry my nipple and boob- are just fine, thanks for your concern.

Kisses Bitches! Protect yo nipple bitches!

*horror scream photo found on google images

My Brain is mush and God is listening

The "Mommy brain" excuse is probably past it's expiration date, I'm guessing.

But I totally have it right now. I'll check my email- then log out- then remember something and log back in- and then wonder why the hell I did that?

This is my lucky week- I think God is really listening to me- or has been all along- but came through for me now.

I got Levi's SSI yesterday and I'm so thankful- I had no idea how I was going to buy diapers and food for the rest of the month since food stamps short-changed us.

The minute I got the check I ran to the bank the quickest I've probably ever run in my life. The whole time Nirvana's Heart Shaped Box blasted in my ears through my headphones. IT was such a rush! And as you can tell just by looking at me- I run all the time- uhhh- YEA RIGHT! I don't run- I walk. So when I run I mean business;)

We have to go for yet another hearing for food stamps- to get the amount we were promised.

Thank you God thank you so much!!!

Tomorrow is my daughter's graduation ( from her special school for ages up to 3 years old).

They have a ceremony and the kids have been practicing everyday. I'm really really excited!!!

She's going to be wearing an Easter dress I bought her on sale - duh! around Easter- but we never did anything for Easter, so it wasn't worn even once.

She's going to look like a cupcake! Seriously! And I'm gonna love every freaking minute of it!

Though I have to say I'm sad to say goodbye to a couple of her instructors there that have really been good to us. One calls herself "Violet's biggest fan". She's a such sweetheart! And Violet loves her. I'm going to take lots of photos and videos of my princess- I'm so proud of her!!!! And she's been so affectionate to me lately- it makes me so happy!

On Thursday we have to go to court- this time for the trial.

But instead of feeling anxious- I feel lucky right now.

Kayla, while outside with me spotted two rainbows!!! I really feel like God is listening now more than ever.

In the end- my brain is mush- but God is listening- so it evens out.

Though negative things are still happening left and right- I try to fight the negative thoughts that invade my brain every second of the day. It's difficult- but totally worth it in the end if this week work's out like I hope and pray it will.

I'm still fighting depression-because I'm still bipolar and all- but at least now I have things to look forward to- and I feel like things are getting better- not worse.

Thanks everyone for all of your support!!!

As Always Kisses Bitches!!!

P.S. -Violet was watching her favorite show Mickey Mouse Clubhouse ( the new ones not the old) and was yelling "Go!Go! Go!Go!" out of nowhere to Goofy to run in the race in the episode- and punching an imaginary punching bag the entire time- it was one of the cutest, funniest things I've ever seen- I tried to video tape it but she stopped the minute she saw she was being recorded! She's so FUNNY!!!

*photo found on the net of who else other than N.P.H. dude! With a double freaking rainbow in the background! See, rainbows are magical!

Emo pothead part two

So my apartment has been reeking of this hideously stinky crap weed, from an emo teenage pothead that smokes on his fire scape in my courtyard.
We've yelled at him three times, to get better weed, because it's disgusting- and to get his ass back in my house!
Dave threatened to throw shit at him! We were that pissed. All he did all day and night was smoke this disgusting weed.
He's a teenager, who looks like Ron Weasley with long red hair, from the Harry Potter Series!
Him and his emo friends smoke together. Doesn't this boy have parents??? Are they rich, and travel all over the world without him??? Why is he alone all the fucking time???
Do I have to adopt this poor pothead of a boy???
I feel bad for him, really. I mean, where are his parents??? Why isn't he in school???
What is he doing smoking weed at 3 A.M. on a school night?!
I want to know the answers!!!
So this weekend, of course he was smoking again...but this time- it was in his room-and it WAS THE GOOD SHIT!
Oh thank goodness!!!! It smelled so good in my apartment! Don't worry the kids' bedroom window was closed. But our living room window where we were hanging out, was not. It was heavenly. And Dave was chatty!!!! Just yapping away, while I was just smiling and listening. Then of course he got hungry, late at night- and was wondering why...we figured out the reason.
To cool off my apartment I have a really strong window fan that instead of blowing air into the apartment it sucks warm air out of my apartment. Which leads to the potheads smoke- into and throughout our whole apartment.
I really want to get to know this kid. I feel bad for him, he should be with his family and not alone all the time.


I'll keep you posted. In the meantime- God bless good weed.

Kisses Bitches!

Short Gross story

Beware this may be considered gross for some of you.
Not the mommies out there, that's for sure.
My son has bad acid reflux, he's had it since he was born. He's taken Zantac twice a day ( before lunch and dinner) for awhile now. The doctor wanted to see if we could start taking him off the medication.
I did what he said and this is what happened.
My son tried Country Vegetable soup (baby food puree)for the first time, with no Zantac before hand. He was complaining and his teeth had been hurting him all day (teething of course), so we gave him some baby Motrin.
He was still complaining. I took him inside the bedroom and put him in his crib. He started gagging, and I picked him up, because I'd rather he puke on me than on his bed. So yeah, that's when the puking started. All over my shirt, my bra, under the shirt ( he threw up into my cleavage), than into Dave hands, then again on my shoulder and then when we thought he was done- he puked again- on the side of my FACE!
Now this Dave and I found incredibly funny and started hysterically laughing.
Then I had to give Levi and I a bath, for the second time today.
Now I don't find this gross because Levi's a baby, it was just a jar of baby food- not adult food. So it didn't smell or anything like adult puke.
This event is so typical Levi.
Anyways, that's my story. My advice- Never EVER trust a baby!!!

Short true story...

Last night while Dave and I were in the bedroom trying to put the kids to sleep, Dave was lying on his side on the bed. He rolled over to his back- and farted. Then rolled back to his side. He realized there had been a paper plate underneath his ass when he farted. Then took the plate and while handing it to me said "I served this for you".
We both cracked up laughing.
This is marriage. Point blank.

Funny story of the day.

Violet was having speech therapy today in her booster seat- so she'd pay attention for more than two minutes. It was towards the end of the session, Levi had just woken up from a nap and I had him in my arms. He was sucking on his pacifier. Violet wanted it and started to cry. I don't let her have pacifiers during school or her sessions ( most of the time). The therapist starts to explain why pacifiers are so bad for children and how it doesn't help them develop the muscles in the mouth that help them speak. At that exact moment Levi heard this- he SPIT OUT his pacifier- and stared at her, shocked! He didn't want it back. At least for the time being.
I CRACKED UP!!! It was so funny- and just like Levi to understand completely.
Just thought I'd share that story.

Enjoy a laugh- or a few!

Stay tuned...

We tried...

Today we tried to take a decent holiday photo with the family.
That included my mom, dad, sister, husband, daughter, son and me.
It was asking too much.
Need proof?
It was like a comedy sketch. Everytime the camera went off- everyone was doing something different.
Have a laugh- or a few.

Happy Holidays everyone!!!!
Sending my best wishes to all!

DIRTY DIRTY DOCTOR!!!

I went to a new eye doctor two weeks ago. He was in the neighborhood- so figured I'd give him a try. It was a little dinky office, kind of run down. The doctor- was easily 80 years old and smelled like my grandma.
The first thing he asks me about is my tattoos. What are they? When did I get them? You know the usual questions I get asked. While he's testing my eyes- he starts holding and squeezing my hands and asks why I don't want to squeeze back? I was so nervous about f*cking up the eye exam and getting big freakin' coke bottles for glasses- I just laughed it off as silly old man. Then he kisses my hand and says I don't know why but I like doing this.
I'm having a hard time realizing he's hitting on me. A 80 year old eye doctor is hitting on me! He then puts my face in this thing that blows air into your eyes- kind of surprising but not horrible feeling- and says if I don't like the feeling I could kiss him.
I'm like WHA????!- in my head. Again just laughing nervously- not really wanting to hurt a horny old man's feelings. I mean he smelled like my grandma. I love my grandma!!!
Finally the exam is over and I talk for awhile to the woman helping me pick out my new glasses- which would take TWO weeks to be ready. My old glasses were a completely wrong prescription and I was told not to wear my old prescription ever again.
I have horrible eyesight in my left eye- which make my right eye over compensate- which leads to the worse migraines ever!
So long story short- I went to a dirty dirty doctor- who made me feel like taking a shower and cleaning off the dirtiness- waited two weeks with NO glasses- got my glasses today.
Everyone likes them so far except for Violet who tries to rip them off my face every chance she gets.