Forget tomorrow, Today is where the madness lies

Yesterday was a nightmare, and today ain't looking too good either.
I spoke to a nurse yesterday, I had called the doctor earlier and a nurse called me back instead.
The nurse was one of the dumbest people I've ever spoken to before,
and that's saying A LOT!
A few clips from our ridiculous conversation:
She told me, "There's nothing the doctor can do about the size of my thyroid."

YEAH DUH! I realize he can't do magic! But how do we treat it?
"There's nothing we can do."
Uh seriously?! I called him because he TOLD ME TO CALL if I felt WORSE than before.  And surprise! I do!
Plus I have a few questions for him.
"Well, what are your symptoms?"
I feel out of breath, extremely tired and horrible pain in my joints.
"Have you felt this before?"
Yeah, I've suffered from thyroid problems for over tens years, YES I've experienced this BEFORE!
"Yeah, but have you experienced this before?"
Are you serious?! I just told you YES I HAVE!!
"Well your symptoms have nothing to do with your thyroid."
Uh, I beg to differ. They HAVE EVERYTHING TO DO WITH MY THYROID!

This went on forever. She's a fucking moron!
I was SO pissed off after the conversation. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then Dave had come home early, from taking Violet to the dentist.
I found out she tore the waiting room apart- literally!
Ripped their plants apart, ripped tags off the chairs, jumped off the couches, tantrumed and screamed her head off!!!
So much so that another older patient in a wheelchair was terrified of her, starting screaming trying to roll himself away from her!
YEAH THAT'S MY DAUGHTER!
Dave couldn't handle her anymore and postponed the appointment.

I was upset, obviously at the way Violet reacted and also that she never got to see the dentist.
I've taken Violet by myself to so many doctor appointments, back when we lived in Manhattan. And she was a tyrant then too! But I made sure the doctor got to see her.
And I did it all by myself.

So I was really agitated yesterday.
I finally got a call from my doctor- not the nurse. The very first thing I said to him was
"Never ever ever make me talk to that nurse ever again!"
He seemed confused, and he was in the middle of eating, he asked "why?"
I answered "because I felt like I was being cranked. She's an idiot and really pissed me off."
I gave him examples of our conversation. All he said was "Oh. Okay."
We had a long talk about my thyroid.
He said that even though my blood tests were negative. I have an auto-immune disease.
Which one, he's not sure of.
But it's extremely rare for a female my age, to have such a small, under active thyroid without some type of auto immune disease causing it.
It's also very rare that I should be feeling this horrible on such a high dose of thyroid medication.
I told him, "You don't know me yet, but I promise you, you will see that everything extremely rare- happens to me. I'm a medical oddity, and have been told this many many times by many many doctors."
I asked him, if it's still possible that I have Lupus since I have all the symptoms including hair loss. He said it is possible, even though the tests are negative.

Right now my hair is falling out again, by itself. Levi's grabby hands don't help the matter. Plus I've been bruising really easily. Abnormally easily.
But as I've come to realize, everything about me is abnormal.
Lovely.

The doctor also said that if he ups my medication, I will have a heart attack!
So I'm going in next week, 3 weeks early, for another blood test.
So that I can SHOW HIM PROOF, how low my thyroid is right now.
I mentioned that, we had talked about the possible heart damage my thyroid has caused.
I asked him to recommend a heart doctor, in the same hospital, that he will work together with on my case, since I do have heart problems.

More doctors appointments, more craziness to come.

I felt so stressed yesterday, my back was killing me.
I was about to have a nervous fucking breakdown!!!
Money problems AND health problems galore!!!
I just can't take much more!!!

Just thought I should vent about this before it was purposely erased from my memory.
Levi had fever last night, but I thought it broke because he woke up drenched in sweat!
Well I was wrong, this morning- he woke up yet again with a high fever and the left side of his neck is swollen like a baseball!

I've been calling the doctor, but her office isn't open yet.
So I guess back to the doctor, we go.
And I was really looking forward to going to Lee's school and seeing my mama clan!
I'm exhausted and it's only 9 A.M!!!!

Kisses Bitches!
PLEASE let blessings come my way! I desperately need them!

MOVING- the ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE!!! Part one

Hey guys and gals!!
I know it's been awhile-
but things have been madness!
If I wasn't in Brooklyn right now- as I told my family yesterday- I would've committed myself to an institution. No joke, I've done it before- well not really committed myself- more like OTHERS had me committed. But this time it would be voluntary!!!
Oh my goodness this week was one of the WORST ever!!!
Saturday was moving day for my kids, Dave and I.
Karen showed up in the morning with a u-haul truck.
And almost NOTHING WAS PACKED!!!
My parents had left their ENTIRE room and closets for ME to pack that fucking morning!!!
My mom has been suffering from depression for a long time now- but this past week, was one of her worst ever.
So nothing was getting done.
Dave and I only got about one hour worth of sleep before we got up and starting packing again and moving boxes and boxes of SHIT!
Plus- we weren't moving any furniture-
We hired Karen's cousin, son and his friend to help us move.
God bless them they were awesome!!!
The landlord (of my old building) KNEW we were moving Saturday- but apparently "forgot" to tell us moving wasn't allowed on weekends in our building (why??Only god knows at this point!)
So we were moving things- and then BAM!!
We were told we weren't allowed to use the front door- we would have to go out the service entrance- with very heavy boxes up and down creaky old metal stairs!!! YEAH, a nightmare!!!
My asshole corrupt super- I swear, is the son of the devil at this point- but way way way more stupid- shut down the elevator!!! Wait...get this...with Dave still inside!!!!
What a bitch?! Right?!
Dave then presses the fire alarm and Karen calls the cops- because at this point our stupid freaking asshole super is STOPPING us from MOVING!!! Totally ILLEGAL!!!!
The cops arrive and Karen and Dave are talking to them, then they talk to our super.
Dave tells me I should talk to the cops- why? I have no idea.
I see the cops talking to the super- and he's talking about pressing charges- against...ME!
The cops start talking to me, without the super there.
They automatically HATE my guts- again, why? I have no clue.
I started crying at this point because I was so stressed. Everyone was yelling at me, both my parents screaming at me on the phone- because apparently- whatever I was doing- packing the entire apartment- wasn't good enough. And my mom was MAD at me. All this craziness didn't make any type of sense whatsoever!
I was crazed at this point!
I start crying while telling the cops I have two autistic kids waiting for me to come to our new home in Brooklyn, they're with my mom, sister and father at our new place.
They start saying that if our super presses charges...for wait it...TRESPASSING!! In my OWN APARTMENT?!!!!
I would be arrested right then and there!!!
I was so confused!!!
This was madness!!!
At this point I didn't even care- I was going to be arrested!
The first call I would make is to the papers- saying- they were arresting a disabled person (me!), mother of TWO autistic kids- for....TRESPASSING in her OWN FUCKING APARTMENT!!!
Our super "decided" not to press charges and somehow I HAD TO PAY $50!! To the guy working the service elevator ( a really nice guy) because our super shut down the fucking ELEVATORS!!!
I fucking LOATHE this piece of shit guy!!!
Meanwhile he's a fucking criminal- and was "for some reason" in the office the previous night, at midnight with his wife "clearing out papers"...hummmmm sounds fishy right??? What a fucking crook.
After all that- I'm crying in my mom's room trying to finish packing, sobbing my brains out- my mom screaming at me- for almost being arrested.
This is how she deals with stress.
I couldn't take it at that point.
Thank god I have kids- because I would've fucking killed myself right there.
I'm bipolar-HELLO! I have my breaking point!
We had FINALLY gotten everything packed and filled the truck to the brim with boxes.
My dad had to come back to Manhattan to stay in our near empty apartment, so the super wouldn't change our locks! My parents weren't gonna get the check from the landlord until Monday morning and we wanted to make fucking sure they fucking got that fucking CHECK already!!!
I couldn't wait for this day to be over already!!!
We got stuck in traffic for a long while- and then arrived at our new place. PHEW!
Then we had to carry all the boxes up a flight of stairs yet again.
We were all dead at this point. Beyond dead- we were ZOMBIES!
Mom, Kayla, and the kids were happy to see me an I was so happy to see them.
Dave was in so much pain from all the heavy lifting.
Dave took a shower for the first time in our new home. The drain was clogged and all this grime and shit came up from the drain- EWWW!
This was the start to everything falling a part on us. This is officially the movie "The Money Pit!!!!"
Our window is broken, the washing machine wasn't installed correctly- so we had a flood yesterday from the washing machine, and so did the dentist's office underneath us.
All this wasn't our fault. Our new landlord hired very cheap construction workers, who didn't do a good job. So everything here is done half fast.
Man, I love this place- but I really want to own a home already so I never have to deal with a landlord ever again.
The grill that was left here- fell apart because apparently it was made over a million years ago.
Just fell into DUST!!!
Crazy, right?!
The shower head popped off in the middle of a shower last night hosing the bathroom down. Oy Vey!!!
The garbage guys screamed at me yesterday morning telling me, I was going to get a summons for all the garbage!
Everyone was biting my head off, including Dave.
We were fighting, I was just DONE! DONE with everything.
I was going to go food shopping for thanksgiving yesterday..until Dave lost the debit card!!! And we had to shut down the account. So thanksgiving was going to be cancelled!
I was beyond my breaking point- I was losing my fucking mind.
I hate crying and that's all I've been doing for almost 5 days already!!!
Thank God we were able to get a little out of the account- to at least buy some food today.
Karen's going to pick me up and we're going to get some food for tomorrow.

****I wrote all the above, this morning. So much has happened since then!****

-Dave thought he was dying (panic attack)
-The construction workers lied to our landlord telling him we're so many people living here- like 10 people!!
-I had a panic attack
-I was ready to kill myself

Just listing a few things that happened today- so my blog isn't 40 pages.

Much more to come...
Nervous fucking breakdown number 568 happened today! But who's keeping track, right?

Kisses Bitches!!!
Hoping everyone, including me, has a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!!

lots of love and hugs to all!!!