Thursday, November 18, 2010

This ALL happened just yesterday!! The madness!

Yesterday was a freakin' comedy.

Dave moved lots of boxes in Karen's mini van yesterday. Karen- you're my angel I love you! Have my babies! (just kidding- well not really.)
Anyways- While Dave was with Karen- I was at home with my sister and two crazy kids.
Violet was trying to kill Levi the entire day!
It was such a struggle to keep Levi alive and well yesterday. My daughter is like the terminator- she feels no remorse or pain, she can't be stopped!

When Dave got home, we had to take the kids out and get some formula for Levi. It was around 6 p.m.
Violet was hungry-
She saw a BIG freakin' box of sugar cookies in Walgreen's and wanted it-
Then came the meltdown!
Full blown meltdown in the middle of Walgreen's!!!
And she smacked me in front of everyone!
Holy shit I was about to lose it!
Not at her- even though she was testing my patience, she's autistic- she doesn't understand.
I wanted to shout to all the onlookers that my kid is autistic and to BACK the FUCK off!

So I get her McDonald's across the street and all is well again.
Later that night- we had Indian food.
I LOVE all different types of food! Food is my true love!
Anyhow- Dave ended up farting up a fucking storm- almost gassing me out of the house!
He was killing us all!
So Kayla starts lighting matches to take away the scent- since we had no air freshener.
I take the box from her, not realizing she doesn't blow one of the matches completely out and it was still on fire- right next to the box!
I scream in pain- because I just lit my finger on fire (don't worry- no one can kill me that quick- I AM the fucking TERMINATOR BITCH! BOO-YAH!
I start ragging on my sister- cuz it's FUN! That she tried to kill me and light the whole box of matches on fire!

I go inside to tell my mom- because it's so funny. Reminding her that I'm her favorite daughter- to which she looks at me like I just escaped a fucking institution!  Because I'm NOT her favorite obviously!
Dave yells out to me "You're a snitch! And would've been knifed in prison."

To which I respond- "Or fucked by a really handsome MAN!"
He said "Hello WOMEN'S PRISON!"
"So?! It would've been a very handsome woman. I don't care!"
He replies- "So what happens in prison stays in prison????"
"uh no- it could follow you home and kill you. HELLO!"

Yeah this an a prime example of our usual conversations.
Just when I think the madness has come to an end-
Dave and I are laying in bed- kind of comatose because we're exhausted. The day had murdered us!
He says to me- exactly this:
"I think my dick hole is gonna fart!"
I went "uhhhh- what?! You know you can't fart through your fucking dick hole, right??
"Well that's what it feels like!"
Laughing hysterically I reply "Are you fucking NUTS?!"
He then said " Well you roll the dice, you pay the price."
At this moment I know Dave must be fucking high on methane from his ass at this point.
I answered "What the fuck are you talking about, crazy?!"
"I had Indian food- shit was gonna happen."

Yeah- this was my fucking day

Kisses Bitches!!!


  1. I haven't laughed that hard in awhile...thank you...XD

  2. I think you need to do a commercial for McDonalds with your kiddos.