What a day!

The kids, my mom and I are all sick- like really sick.
Very yucky sick.
Cold, stuffed head, pain, fever- you get the idea. Dave took the kids out for a little bit- to pick stuff up from the supermarket.

I woke up- (after kinda, sorta napping- or blacking out from medication) to an empty house- well as empty as it gets- my mom and dad were still here.

Even though I felt like shit a dog threw up- truly!- I saw a chance to clean, vacuum and disinfect the house.

And that's what I did. The whole house.

When Dave got back the kids were very happy to be home. We thought Lee was doing a bit better and decided, stupidly, to take the kids out on our back patio to let them run around and get some energy out (and out of the house!).

I was recording them running around- and that's when it happened!
Levi tripped and fell FLAT on his FACE!!! FACE FIRST!!!

I was having a heart attack thinking he broke his face.

Luckily and by the grace of God, Levi was okay- but his face got badly scratched up- straight down the middle of his beautiful baby face!
Bright red blood.

At first he screamed of course- heck I wanted to scream in horror!
But only a few minutes later we took a photo- and he was laughing.

DEAR GOD these kids are gonna be the fucking death of me.

I love them with all my heart- but how many heart attacks can one woman survive, huh???

Did I ever mention how badly cold medication interacts with all my other medications??
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. It's bad.
But I had no choice. I fell just short of clawing off my own skin.

Me no likey....but sometimes me likey..huh...yeah me likey, me likey A LOT.


Kisses Bitches!!!

oh my! Oh me oh my!

Yesterday was INSANE!
Yeah I know, most of my days usually are- but really this was nuts!!
Dave, Kayla, my kids and I went to the nearby mall yesterday.
Kayla and I needed winter boots desperately and we wanted to get the kids some toys for the holidays.
The mall was packed- but that didn't bother me that much- what really frazzled me was Levi who screamed straight yesterday for about five hours!!!
My kids get days like these, I can't really do anything about it- just get through it.
Violet on the other hand was fantastic while shopping, she was happy and very well behaved!
Thank goodness!
I didn't get much shopping done because of Lee's screaming.
Afterwards we went to Loews' across the street from the mall. I had to pick up a  few things for the new place.
After an hour and half there going through aisles- I was going to drop!
Pass the fuck out- I was just pushing through it because Dave was still shopping, or at least looking around for things he needed.
Levi was STILL screaming!
At Loews's they have this "buggy" cart for kids- with a two steering wheels- it's very cute- and I'm very thankful for this invention! TRULY!!
I put Levi and Violet in this wonderful cart.
Levi has some issues with Violet- mainly because every time she sees him in the house she pushes him down to the floor- laughing hysterically. She thinks this is SO funny!
Levi is a very sensitive little boy- Dave and I say one day he'll be captain...of his tea party. While Violet is captain of the football team, the soccer team, track team- you get what I'm saying.
The minute I put Violet right next to Levi in the cart- Levi started pushing her away crying even more!
I,of course told Levi "NO". This Levi still has no concept of- the word "no" is like I'm speaking an alien language to him.
Violet was just looking at him, like "What is your problem?"
She still has no clue why Levi gets upset around her- at all.
Violet was holding a musical ornament that she kept playing over and over again- while Levi is crying banging his head against the steering wheel!
At one point lee was "driving" the cart holding both steering wheels- while Violet was obsessed with her ornament.
Hilarious!!!
You all know, my son is a head banger.
The steering wheel was soft- so there wasn't any worries- but he looked like a baby with road rage!
I had to laugh! So here I was laughing pushing this crazy looking "buggy cart" with both my kids- one of them screaming and banging his head against the wheel!
I looked like the worst mom in the world- I'm used to this look.
People look at me- like I can't "control" my kids because they don't understand that my kids are autistic!
Fuck 'em!!! That's what I say!
I told Dave we got to go home, I was going to pass out- and I had to get home and make dinner.
We called a car service- it's only $5 from the store.
We rang up everything at the cashier- the woman was such a cunt!
But I pushed it off- people have bad days- I understand this.
Then the car came- LATE. While my kids and I are freezing waiting forever for this damn car.
We were three adult two babies.
The guy said we were "too many people".
I said " But my kids are babies- they're small and will sit on our laps, it's only a few blocks"
He yelled at me "They're STILL PEOPLE!!!"
Are you kidding me???!!!
So I sent Dave, Kayla and my kids in the car with most of the packages.
There was no room for one of the strollers.
Plus it's pitch black outside- about 20 degrees,  I have no gloves, or hat- just a coat and a fucking empty stroller! I practically ran- 13 very unfamiliar blocks.
Before you get mad at Dave, it was my decision to send him home. He has a busted knee, and him, my kids and my sister mean more to me- than myself- any day.
I got home only a few minutes after they did- yeah I'm fast!
On the way there I saw this HUGE guy- looking all kinds of wrong-
I saw him, he saw me- on an empty sidewalk- I followed my instincts- and ran right into the street- with my empty stroller.
Yeah at this point- he thought I was FUCKING nuts- so he didn't follow me.
 Is stopped by a lotto place- thinking "oh man, THIS must be my lucky fucking day, Right?!" (sarcastically of course) I had three dollars in my pocket- I bought 3 tickets.
The guys at the counter looked at me and the empty stroller.
I told him I had been kicked out of a car, because the crazy driver said there were "too many people".
He asked how many blocks do I have to walk in the cold home?
I answered "Around thirteen".
He shook his head in awe- and wished me a lot of luck!
I finally got home, Dave was still loading bags into the house.
When I got settled- hands frozen- I realized I never had my phone with me- man I was SO lucky!
Dave tells me that he almost KILLED the driver!
The driver wasn't helping Dave unload the bags while Dave was holding Levi- so Dave snapped!
And threatened the driver " If you don't help me with these goddamn bags, I swear I will bust your fucking head in!"
Then yelled at my sister "Bring me Mister Rogers!!!"
Before you think Dave is out of his mind- we call our wooden baseball bat ( at least 20 lbs heavy), "Mister Rogers". We find this hilarious!
When the guy heard Dave yell at Kayla, he started hustling and moving the bags really fast!
Dave shouted "If you break anything in these bags and will bust your fucking kneecaps!"
The guy was so scared at this point.
Kayla had forgotten to get Mister Rogers- and thank goodness because Dave would've killed him.
Dave the whole time was thinking of all the horrible things that could have happened to me- driving him into madness, truthfully.
I know for certain- Dave loves me more than anything on the planet- even though we argue, I know this to my core.
He would kill for me, die for me- you name it.
He's obsessive this way.
And I appreciate it.
I was shocked when I heard what happened.
Even more shocked when I found out my mom had cooked and I didn't have to!
Woohoooo!
I sat the kids in their highchairs and we all ate everything so fast!
I had been awake since 6 a.m.- it had been a very "full" day for me-
Dave and I passed the fuck out the minute the kids did- at 8:45 p.m.
Sleep didn't last long- and we ended up awake most of the night tending to Violet- who made up for being so good that day, by keeping us hopping all night long. hahaha!
I even cleared out the refrigerator at four a.m!
I had time on my hands!



That was my insane day!!!
How was yours???


Kisses Bitches!!!

*photo that Kayla took of my kids and I in Loews

Gave my kids a haircut

I decided today to give my kids a haircut.

No, it's not the kind my mother used to give me- with a pair of garden shears- that scared the living crap out of me!

Truth is I didn't get my hair cut in a salon till I was in my teens.

My mom cut my hair until then, for a mom with no haircutting experience whatsoever- she didn't do such a bad job- until fifth grade.

The night before my fifth grade graduation she was going to give my bob hair style a trim-and oops! She chopped it all off- into a boy's haircut!!!

I was horrified!!!

When I was a teen- I became obsessed with hair. I bought every British hairstyle magazine known to man. I'd save my babysitting money just to buy some every month.

I hung out at a favorite salon of mine- and they became my friends. I learned a lot about hair from them, cutting, coloring and styling.

I had my hair colored every color of the rainbow- every hairstyle- dreadlocks, Mohawks, braids, cornrows, weaves, you name it- I've done it.

And now that I have kids- my hair obsession hasn't changed one bit.

My daughter has very curly, fine brown hair. My son has blonde dead straight hair.

Both of their hair had gotten long- but not evenly, just kind of scraggly and stringy.

So I cut both their hair today- with a professional haircutting scissor- no garden shears here!

Lee now has a little man's hairdo and Violet has a really cute bob with a short fringe.

I would love to take them to a salon one day- but for now since I'm very poor, and they are both kids with special needs- I'd rather they freak out here- than in some stranger's chair- with someone who has no clue how to handle them.

Kisses Bitches and put away those garden shears would ya?!

*Here's a before and after photo of my son's haircut.

I need to feel NEEDED!

Right now, as I write this blog with one hand, the other is holding my son on my lap. He's cuddling with me. He doesn't care that I'm on the computer- he wants his "mommy time".

I always feel needed by him. When I'm cooking dinner he waits at the doorway gate for me.

It's important for me to feel needed. Without that feeling- I feel emtpy- like there's no purpose for me to exist.

I remember when Violet was born, Dave and my opinions differed on how to raise her. He wanted her to learn to soothe herself to sleep (which didn't work for many years- every baby is different) I argued that this wouldn't work (and I was right) but he was in "pyscho dad mode" at this point, and felt he knew everything. I felt that they didn't need me- that all Violet needed was her daddy. Did I mention I was suffering from major post-partem depression (depression after having a child). I didn't feel needed, and I was in a deep depression- truthfully I was really suicidal at that moment. Luckily I was able to pull through and feel needed again.

I know I'm needed by my family- since I run the house and such- but the feeling I get from Levi when all he wants is me- is priceless. There is no better feeling in my book.

Violet has always been closer with her daddy. Somedays I mind it, but most I'm fine with it.

She goes days without realizing I'm even here- I'll feel bad- and then the next day she'll look at me like "Mom!!! Where have you been?! I've been looking for you! So glad to see you!"

Yeah, that's kind of how her autism works. I'm not her one and only- and that's okay.

But for Levi- I am his one and only- I make his world go round- and that makes me feel great. So what if he's a mama's boy right now- he's only a year old and I know this is a phase- so I'm sucking it all up while I still can! Every minute of it!!! Sometimes he'll have a hard time going to sleep, so I'll rock him in my arms and he'll be at peace. I tell both my kids, I love them more than everything or anything. More than the moon, the stars, the sky, the tress, the flowers- even breathing. They are my everything. And even though I may not be my daughter's everything- I know when she's scared or gets hurt I'm the one she runs to- and that means everything to me.

I'm scared of the day- they don't need me anymore- well not really scared- I'm just not looking forward to it at the very least.

I need to feel needed- that's just me. And maybe the need I feel seems ridiculous to you- but it's what gets me through the long hard days.

The hugs and kisses- the waiting for me by the doorway gate, the crying when I leave, the excitement when I walk in through the front door- thats what makes me the happiest mom of all.

Thanks for listening:)

* photo of my son on the swings- happy as can be.

Mommy Likey.

It's been a long long day.
Dave was ill today and couldn't function, so he stayed in bed. He woke me up in the morning to tend to the children. I had to wake Kayla up very slowly, because I didn't want her to pass out again.
It was a bit of chaos in the morning, my mom helped a bit before she went for jury duty.
I'm still very ill. And my focus goes in and out. I'm now having similar problems to my sister (she was diagnosed with P.O.T.S.- no, not weed- look it up on WEB MD)
It turns out it can happen to people with thyroid problems, which I have.
I've been pushing through it all day long.
But there were some moments throughout the day that made it all totally worth it.
First- Violet was in a much better mood today and was hugging me and letting me kiss and hold her.
Second- Levi called me "MAMA!" and lit up when I came in the room and crawled towards me. Also, when putting him to sleep tonight, he rolled around his crib, and when he was having difficulty falling asleep, he said "mama" to me to pick him up and rock him to sleep.
It totally made my day. That both my kids showed me love today. And to Levi, I'm his everything. YEAH, the feeling is so indescribable.
It makes the whole day, and just about everything, worthwhile.
I notice I talk to myself now. Especially since no one seems to listen to me when I'm talking. I like to amuse myself.
I was really tired from running around juggling the kids, and cooking, trying to get Dave to eat and drink so he would feel better. I couldn't believe I had to force feed him. Why is it that men do the exact opposite of what they need to feel better. I actually had to be forceful. And of course after listening to me, he is now feeling a bit better. Man, we go through this every time, several times a year, every year! It's exhausting. But kind of funny at the same time.
I saw a bottle of Diet Coke in the fridge and said "Thank you lord Jesus Christ"- which is hilarious if you know me- I was raised Jewish.
Then while pouring a glass I mumbled to myself " Oh yeah.... Mommy LIKEY."
And then burst into laughter.
YES, I amuse myself, all the time. And now, talk to myself. I never said I wasn't crazy. In fact, this proves I am. And I'm okay with that.


Kisses to all the hot mamas out there!!!
Remember... Mommy likey!

Funny story of the day.

Violet was having speech therapy today in her booster seat- so she'd pay attention for more than two minutes. It was towards the end of the session, Levi had just woken up from a nap and I had him in my arms. He was sucking on his pacifier. Violet wanted it and started to cry. I don't let her have pacifiers during school or her sessions ( most of the time). The therapist starts to explain why pacifiers are so bad for children and how it doesn't help them develop the muscles in the mouth that help them speak. At that exact moment Levi heard this- he SPIT OUT his pacifier- and stared at her, shocked! He didn't want it back. At least for the time being.
I CRACKED UP!!! It was so funny- and just like Levi to understand completely.
Just thought I'd share that story.

Enjoy a laugh- or a few!

Stay tuned...