Monday, December 7, 2009


I've had a horrible day on Decemeber 7th.
It started at 9am after a crazy night with the kids. I dragged myself out of bed to go straight to the kitchen to make coffee. My daily elixir of choice.
Violet went to school and Levi was surprisingly in a good mood.
Both didn't sleep that night. It was a night in crazy town, like most nights.
MY daughter NEVER EVER sleeps. Which means Dave and I are ALWAYS tired.
Add in the fact that I have a new baby boy- well you get the picture.
Violet has been absent a lot from school lately due to her numerous health problems.
Besides being autistic, her body over produces yeast, and she's been getting sick all the time. Just last week she had an unexplained high fever for 5 days and stomach pains.
I bring her to the doctor all the time. Most doctors don't know what to do with her, how to treat her, what tests to perform on her, etc.
I talk to her doctor several times a week. I also talk to her teacher whenever she's out from school. My daughter's health comes first, always. School is second.
I found out that day, during my daughter's home therapy that her teacher had made a comment that Violet's been out of school for two months. Which is totally absurd and crazy. From the very beginning of my daughters evaluations and therapies, I've dealt with completely crazy, irrational people. I've learned that most people that deal with "special children" are "special" in some way themselves. But mostly they're just crazy. There are only a handful of therapists that a adore with all my heart and soul. I beleive they are Violet's angels.
I HATE when people say one thing to my face and another behind my back.
It's stupid and childish. I'm so tired. Tired from not sleeping, tired from dealing with crazy people day in and out. I'm tired of New York! Freaking TIRED!
I'm dealing with a lot of shit on my plate.
Today a new speech therapist also started working with Violet at home.
I'm tired of other people- who know absolutely nothing about me- judging my parenting ability. Truthfully I feel I'm a great mom. I'm with my kids all day and all night. I working on every single therapy I'm taught to do with my daughter EVERYDAY.
I'm singing to my son EVERYDAY. Loving them, kissing them- being there for them.
All the time.
So when a teacher, or therapist judges me- it really hurts and upsets me eventhough I know it shouldn't.
I deal with a lot for any mom, let alone a bipolar mom. I always have to be in control of everything, know everyone's schedule, cook dinner every night, make sure we have food in the house for everyone. And oh...did I mention I have to start feeding my daughter a gluten free diet.
I'm tired. Really tired.
Some days are better than others as all bipolars should know.
I try to take one day at a time- because for me it's hard to look too far ahead into the future.
I had written this blog on december 7th but decided to think about it a least for a day before I published it. But I feel it's important to show the ups and downs of my life and how frequently they change due to being bipolar.
I hope in some way my blog will help people understand being bipolar is extremely difficult. Most bipolars I have known are deceased. So it's hard to be positive about being bipolar when I don't know of any success stories of bipolars.
I feel I'm most definitely a success story. I'm still alive. I'm somewhat stable. I have a loving family. I'm a good mom and I have an extremely devoted, supportive, understanding husband.
I hope they're are more successful bipolars out there and if you are one of them- feel free to contact me.
We bipolars need to stick together and support one another.
I hope my blog helps you in some way.
Let me know.

More to come...

Stay tuned.

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