Friday, December 18, 2009
I never believed before I was married- that being married is totally different than living together. I thought- these people don't know what they're talking about.
Now when I see new couples- and I know who they are- all lovey dovey- it creeps me out. Don't get me wrong I'm affectionate- kinda.
Dave and I used to be friends with a married couple- who were always affectionate- and it creeped both of us out- because it felt so "forced" and "fake". Like they were putting on a show to show us how in love they still were. YUCK!
The "rule" goes like this- don't judge ANYTHING by the first 2 years.
That's the "I can't get enough of you- get over here- I'm gonna maul you" phase.
That could even last a few extras years if you're lucky- and usually if you don't see each other every waking minute.
Then comes the "Why are you here again, DAMMIT?!" and "This? AGAIN?!" so on and so on...
You see where I'm going with this.
When I was a kid- I didn't look forward to marriage, actually I didn't want to get married. My parents' marriage wasn't the one I looked up to.
I, as a rule and as a part of being bipolar, tire of people quickly. REALLY quickly.
Even after a few dates- if it made it to a few.
Dave is my longest relationship- and surprise- I actually look forward to spending time with him, everyday.
Then again we have two kids, one very hyperactive kid, who never sleeps.
So Dave takes night shift and I take day shift.
Which means we rarely spend time together now- He's cranky- I'm cranky- he's tired- I'm tired. We're taking care of everyone but ourselves day in and out.
Marriage is the hardest thing I've ever done, even harder than being a parent- because that comes naturally.
Marriage- not storming out the door when things go wrong. With being with the same person forever- things WILL go wrong.
Yes we fight, yes we scream. I don't usually quote the show "Everybody loves Raymond" because it was my mom's favorite show- so it was always on in the background. But Marie, the head mother of the family, said one thing that really makes sense to be now- " In a marriage there's room for hate. Yes, hate and even love." Young fresh couples don't get this. But married people certainly do.
If they stay together long enough.