We signed the LEASE!!

WOOHOO! Finally!!!
Brooklyn- here I come!
We only have two weeks to move. That's a lot of stress.
We're trying to get rid of more and more things everyday.
My whole family and I look forward to decorating.
These past few years have been very stressful and chaotic.
I hoping this is the beginning of great things coming our way!
We're going to Brooklyn tomorrow to show my kids the neighborhood.
I'm so excited to share this with them.
I haven't decided if I'm keeping the doctors we have here, or changing them to ones closer to where we'll be living.
I mean, I have SO many!
I still have my breast surgeon appointment next week- not looking forward to that one.
My left breast still bothers me, but I do feel the birth control pills the doc put me on, has been helping some of the pain so far.
Levi has been losing his mind for the past few days.
He has a double ear infection- yeah- lots of pain.
I can't wait to have that psychological evaluation for him done already- with all the head banging, and tantrums and mood swings- I know the diagnosis already.
I'm just waiting for early intervention to realize this.
All his therapists- see what I'm talking about- and know that he needs way more help than what he's getting now.
Violet has been very happy in her new school- I'm happy to say!
I'm so tired all the time lately- just exhausted- I hope this is just due to all the stress I'm under right now.
I do feel listening to angry chicks yelling- is really helping me right now.
Angry chick music like The Pretty Reckless.
Taylor Momsen- seems like a brat- but I really like her music and voice.
Definitely reminds me of early "Hole".
What ever happened to angry chick music??? Did Chicks get less angry??? huh?
Not the ones I KNOW!
I definitely think if I ever went back into music- I'd be a "The Pretty Reckless"/ "Gossip"/ "Uffie" mix.
That's one of my many many dreams.
Performing has always been my number one dream.
ah well, I have way too much shit to do everyday- cook, clean, take the kids to doctor appointments, therapy appointments, run errands, watch television, sleep, eat- ya know- I'm totally swamped! ;)
I actually really am very busy.
Maybe one day - I'll get to live my dream.
Till then I just rather get some sleep.

This blog- was short and basically has no point to it-
And that's how I'll leave it for today.
Kisses Bitches!!!!


*photo of me- yes BEFORE kids- photo taken by a old friend of mine. I totally think this would be an awesome punk rock chick look, don't you?

My head is spinning

It's been a very eventful few days. My sister came back from the hospital on Monday.
But with no answers, just guesses. I really can't stand doctors, well...most doctors.
They think it's neurological, then they think it's her heart. They can't make up their mind. She isn't doing any better, actually a bit worse. I'm so upset.
She went to get a sonogram of her heart today, they think they saw something, but we won't know til she sees the doctor.
I had this horrible feeling while she was in the hospital, I felt like she wouldn't be coming home, because I knew something was terribly wrong.
I can't shake this feeling. I hope the problem is so simple and easily corrected. I hope and pray.
Dave is trying to keep me calm, but it's not working. Plus when he's stressed, he sleeps even MORE than usual. So I'm even more stressed.
I want everything to be okay- actually I want everything to be great! Not just OKAY!
I want to know what's wrong with my sister. Why she went from being the most active person in my house, to someone who can't move! Otherwise he heart beats abnormally fast and she passes out. This is not good.
I want out of this toxic place I call home.
I want my family to be healthy, finally.
I really want doctors to get their shit together, and figure out what's wrong with my beloved sister.
I'm exhausted. REALLY exhausted. All night, I'm tossing and turning and having horrible dreams. Some are visions. But I don't feel like discussing them right now.
I'm praying every night. I hope God's listening. I could REALLY use his help right about now.


Peace and love to all of you. May you all experience an abundance of health, wealth, happy and love always.

Rant

I've had a horrible day on Decemeber 7th.
It started at 9am after a crazy night with the kids. I dragged myself out of bed to go straight to the kitchen to make coffee. My daily elixir of choice.
Violet went to school and Levi was surprisingly in a good mood.
Both didn't sleep that night. It was a night in crazy town, like most nights.
MY daughter NEVER EVER sleeps. Which means Dave and I are ALWAYS tired.
Add in the fact that I have a new baby boy- well you get the picture.
Violet has been absent a lot from school lately due to her numerous health problems.
Besides being autistic, her body over produces yeast, and she's been getting sick all the time. Just last week she had an unexplained high fever for 5 days and stomach pains.
I bring her to the doctor all the time. Most doctors don't know what to do with her, how to treat her, what tests to perform on her, etc.
I talk to her doctor several times a week. I also talk to her teacher whenever she's out from school. My daughter's health comes first, always. School is second.
I found out that day, during my daughter's home therapy that her teacher had made a comment that Violet's been out of school for two months. Which is totally absurd and crazy. From the very beginning of my daughters evaluations and therapies, I've dealt with completely crazy, irrational people. I've learned that most people that deal with "special children" are "special" in some way themselves. But mostly they're just crazy. There are only a handful of therapists that a adore with all my heart and soul. I beleive they are Violet's angels.
I HATE when people say one thing to my face and another behind my back.
It's stupid and childish. I'm so tired. Tired from not sleeping, tired from dealing with crazy people day in and out. I'm tired of New York! Freaking TIRED!
I'm dealing with a lot of shit on my plate.
Today a new speech therapist also started working with Violet at home.
I'm tired of other people- who know absolutely nothing about me- judging my parenting ability. Truthfully I feel I'm a great mom. I'm with my kids all day and all night. I working on every single therapy I'm taught to do with my daughter EVERYDAY.
I'm singing to my son EVERYDAY. Loving them, kissing them- being there for them.
All the time.
So when a teacher, or therapist judges me- it really hurts and upsets me eventhough I know it shouldn't.
I deal with a lot for any mom, let alone a bipolar mom. I always have to be in control of everything, know everyone's schedule, cook dinner every night, make sure we have food in the house for everyone. And oh...did I mention I have to start feeding my daughter a gluten free diet.
I'm tired. Really tired.
Some days are better than others as all bipolars should know.
I try to take one day at a time- because for me it's hard to look too far ahead into the future.
I had written this blog on december 7th but decided to think about it a least for a day before I published it. But I feel it's important to show the ups and downs of my life and how frequently they change due to being bipolar.
I hope in some way my blog will help people understand being bipolar is extremely difficult. Most bipolars I have known are deceased. So it's hard to be positive about being bipolar when I don't know of any success stories of bipolars.
I feel I'm most definitely a success story. I'm still alive. I'm somewhat stable. I have a loving family. I'm a good mom and I have an extremely devoted, supportive, understanding husband.
I hope they're are more successful bipolars out there and if you are one of them- feel free to contact me.
We bipolars need to stick together and support one another.
I hope my blog helps you in some way.
Let me know.

More to come...

Stay tuned.