Sunday, August 22, 2010

Everything HURTS

On Friday after I came back from Violet's school, I went straight to my doctor's office for an emergency appointment.
I've be feeling really tired lately- and I know my thyroid isn't working right. My legs have been a bit swollen- so I KNOW for sure something isn't right.
It turned out- I gained ten pounds in two months- which is really unnerving because I haven't been doing anything differently, and mostly I feel swollen all over.
Though, to tell you the truth, I was kind of liking my figure- bigger boobs and bigger butt. It made me feel sexy- I know that's very strange for me.
I felt confident in my body- for some strange reason I usually feel more confident in my body when I'm bigger. I have no clue why- especially with my history with eating disorders.
But I wasn't fitting into any of my clothes properly- that was definitely a downside to the weight gain.
My doctor has been monitoring my thyroid for almost a year now- it's been way up and way down. She took yet another blood test.
Every bone in my body was hurting so badly, especially my legs.
Now I'm waiting for the blood test results. I think I injured my right hand wrist somehow- that's why I haven't been able to blog- I have a few moments of little pain in my wrist so I decided this would be the time to type- before the horrible pain takes over. I probably have a small fracture- but I'm hoping that's not the case- cross your fingers for me.
On the way home I made a haircut appointment for myself with my favorite hairstylist- Daniele- at Extreme Color salon. In my opinion he's the best hairstylist on the fucking planet!
And you all know how much I love hair- so you know I know what I'm talking about.
When I came home, Dave suggested we go shopping for the kids fall clothes on Saturday since they don't have any warm clothes for the changing season.
So I had to cancel my beloved haircut appointment- I'm regretting that decision now.
Yesterday was dreadful- for me at least. My sister and Dave had a great time.
I was in so much pain- and struggling to get through the day. I saw nothing I liked for the kids. I did get Violet two books from Barnes and noble.
But yesterday was a complete and total bust! Levi was crying all day long- especially when we entered a store. Violet was great on the other hand. Yeah- no more shopping with Levi for awhile, that's for sure.
When we got home, I saw it was still early enough to maybe go get my hair done ( extreme color is so cheap BTW) - I went outside even through all the pain- only to realize he was booked for the rest of the day- plus I went to the wrong pharmacy to pick up my sister's medications. I was soooooo super depressed. Mostly due to my thyroid. When it's low- I go into a deep depression. It's really hard to fight it. It goes hand in hand with my bipolar disorder.
I realized I almost walked into a moving car!!! I almost got hit- and I didn't even care!
That was a wake up call for me- like a demon had taken over my body and was literally going to kill me. I had to get control of myself- tell myself this feeling isn't real- it's my thyroid and everything will get better soon.
For the rest of the day I was in so much pain. I think Violet and I got a virus from school. Not that day- probably earlier in the week. Violet and I share everything- especially seltzer ( we both love seltzer!). SO her stomach and mine were a mess for a week. And I think that's why I was in so much body pain.
I soaked in the tub when I got home for a long time- hoping the horrible pain would go away.
I didn't of course. So the kids, Dave and I all went to bed early.
I could tell my bipolar was totally out of whack- because in the middle of the night, I started feeling paranoid and I thought I might have to take a geodon.
I wanted to be held by Dave, and cuddled. I know- so unlike me!
I was freaking out for most of the night. I got up and took some benadryl to try to pass the fuck out eventually. Which I did and then woke up to my daughter sitting ON my FACE!!! At around 3 in the morning. Yeah- she finds this so funny! Which normally I would think is funny- except not at around 3 in the morning!

OW- okay my wrist is starting to hurt really badly again- so I'm gonna stop my rant here.

Oh yeah- one more thing. I read on MSN an article about what men like about women- a few days ago. It was really funny- they said things like "long eyelashes"- the whole time I was rolling my eyes. Like seriously??? What lies!!

So I asked Dave that night what he liked best about me this was his EXACT answer:
"Your smile...uh wait, no! Your pussy!!"
We fucking laughed so fucking hard!!! See that's a man's REAL ANSWER!!!

EAT that MSN!!!

Kisses Bitches!!! Work that ASS!

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