Saturday, August 14, 2010

Being Bipolar is similar to having A.D.H.D.

I'm stating this fact at the beginning of this post- why- because you may see that my blog posts are kind of all over the place sometimes.
I don't ever have just one thought- it's usually more like 17 at the same exact time.
I'm trying to write all these thoughts at once- before I forget them- another reason being bipolar is similar to having A.D.H.D.
That's probably why my sister and I understand each other so very well.
Right now- if I were to list every single thought going through my mind right now- it would be chaos- truly.

Here, let's give it a go:

I have court this week-I'm freaking out - my thyroid isn't working properly and is low again- I feel tired- I'm frustrated-why were my babies acting so crazy today- I'm tired of explaining my life to my friends and why I'm not able to get together a lot- how difficult some days are and how much I struggle to get through them- I'm angry- sad- depressed- How's Violet feeling- I'm sad that my babies are sick all the time- I wish I could know what's wrong and fix it- I feel unimportant and like no one listens to me- did my boobs get bigger?-Was there someone I was supposed to call- or something I was supposed to do that I'm forgetting??? And on and on and on.

These are my thoughts- crowded- ALL the time- there is no silence in my head. Even when meditating- which is SO difficult for me- I just gave up trying after awhile.
I'm worrying about hundreds of things at once. I always feel behind- I was supposed to call this doctor, person, friend, therapist- yesterday or last week. No matter how much I get done in a day it's never ALL done. I'm always forgetting things. Probably because of all these thoughts in my head at once. I can't seem to focus on one thing for too long.
Sometimes- I'd really really like to just space out and have nothing to do or think about.
I wish I could just feel happy- and quiet all the negative worries in my head. And this is actually me trying to do that.

P.S.- Dave says I need an assistant- and so does the children. Yeah! We all need personal assistants!!! An assistant that will work for free- and is AWESOME.
Well since that's never gonna happen. You're just going to have to deal with my crazy unorganized head for awhile, how about that?!

Kisses to my fellow crazy bitches out there!
* photo of Crazy Harry- seemed to fit.

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