More differences between men and women

Despite the obvious, of course.
I realize when Dave and I are joking around- which is all the time, how different men and women are- and how thankful I am for this. Humor is a big big deal to me- without it there is no point- to ANYTHING.
Especially living such stressful lives like we do- the ability to laugh- is so important.
Dave and I say weird things to each other all the time- like when someone says "what's up?' we think it's funny, to follow it up with "mah dick". I know- we're children- but it's funny you gotta admit.
Also the way we do things-whenever I have a free minute, I usually start straightening up the house, or start preparing dinner, or put the kids toys away, or watch T.V.
When Dave has a free minute- he starts sketching, going on the computer, he does things he enjoys. I usually do this last.
The way we deal with stress is different. For example the first year of both my kids lives- Dave went completely bat shit fucking nuts. Totally insane. Was a rage infected monkey as far as I'm concerned. I just mostly cried, sucked it up and took care of what needed to be done. My kids' therapies, doctor's appointments, cleaning, cooking.
We all tried our best to stay out of Dave's way. Yeah he's totally scary during the first year. I have told him, I'm going to have him sign a contract in blood that this will never ever happen again. But I bet it won't make a difference. That first year is always really fucking tough. No one has any clue- how hard it is.
It's best explained in a line from the movie Men In Black:

Jay: Zed, don't you guys ever get any sleep around here?
Zed: The twins keep us on Centaurian time, standard thirty-seven hour day. Give it a few months. You'll get used to it... or you'll have a psychotic episode.

Therefore-Dave never got used to it, each and every time he had a psychotic episode.
I don't know why it even happens. But I wish it didn't.
Another difference. When I was in the hospital, in the eating disorder clinic in New Jersey, my ex-girl, cleaned the entire apartment, and made everything pretty. She even covered the bottom of the sink with this frilly stuff. I came home- and was shocked- I didn't even know they had frilly stuff to cover the sink with?! Not that I would have even done that myself. I'm a girl and all- to a point. I like dresses, fancy dinners, etc. But I'm not really into flowers or jewelry or cuddling. Sometimes I cuddle- like I hug Dave- and I'm like- oh yea this is what it feels like. But no cuddling after...you know. That's just WAY too girlie.
When I went away with my family for vacation, many years ago, and Dave stayed in the apartment alone with my old dog. Well I came back to chaos! He didn't shave, or even clean. He actually had gone completely crazy. Yep- straight up fucking crazy. He ended up playing the horror game Silent Hill, and "to save electricity" didn't turn on any lights or anything- FOR SEVEN DAYS. He got freaked out by the game, and walked around the house- get this- naked and with a knife. Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh- I should have known a long fucking time ago- my man was FUCKING crazy!!!! FOR REAL!
Also sex...I'm not going into details because that's really fucking TACKY.
But it's just so much quicker with a guy and that just really really works for my schedule. Especially with kids. I have NO clue how lesbians with kids ever have time to have sex. EVER.
It's just a way longer process- plus there's a lot of emotions- yada yada yada. And then there's cuddling. And holding each other through the night. YEAH- it's a lot.
I learned I don't like all the holding- and and the cuddling. And I'm not saying anything bad about my ex-girl, one of the best people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. She's is an absolutely wonderful, caring, loving person. And I wish her the best in life and that only magical, amazing things happen for her.

But after living together- I realized..living with a woman is HARD! There's too much emotions, and feelings and shit. And truthfully- I just can't handle it. Dave always says- I'm way more of a man.

He's my wife after all, he sews, bakes, loves shopping, the list goes on and on.

He says to me. "Who's the man?!" And I answer "I'm the MAN!" and we laugh!

And it's so crazy, because in a female relationship- I'm always the girlie girl, never the butch. I know this is so strange. I never wanted to be a man. I love myself the way I am- female and all. I just don't play the role all too well.

But to Dave I'm perfect, and that's what matters right? I mean, he's psychotic, but he still thinks I'm perfect. That's all I need to know.

Like yesterday- he wasn't cooking the steak the way I like- and he was being stubborn. So I yell out of frustration- "YOU STUPID!"- not "you ARE stupid"- or anything. He knew it was a joke- and to us it's pretty fucking hilarious.

Also the way the house smells is different. When you're with a woman, the house smells nice- like perfume. When you're with a man, it mainly smells of what Dave and I call "Armpit-balls-ass-foot" scent. Yeah, men are stinky- especially after marriage- the constant farting and such. Don't even play like you're not, when you KNOW you are.

I never had to tell my ex-girl, "Go take a shower!" Not ever! But my husband- Multiple times!

But I deal. I just spray the house a lot with nice scents- so I don't go crazy. I have an acute sense of smell, after having my daughter 3 years ago. I can smell Popeye's fried chicken, like 5 blocks away! Yeah- I'm a bit hardcore like that. So smell is really really important to me.

In the end I realize- living with a man is difficult- but living with a woman- even more difficult. At least to me anyways.

And I like- easy. I'm just an easy kinda gal...wait that doesn't sound right. Well you know what I mean, don't you?

Thanks for listening- I hope you had a laugh or a few.

Kisses Bitches!!!

Love is a funny thing.

People make fun of the twilight movies because they believe it's fake. I'm not talking about the vampires and werewolves. I'm talking about their dangerous love- that's ALL consuming. A lot of teenagers- hope that they will experience love like that. I like those movies because it reminds me of being in dangerous love.
It's a drug, it's powerful and you can't get enough.
For a bipolar like me- the highs and lows of this kinda love- is intoxicating.
I've been in love three times in my life.
The first was in High school. We went to different schools, but had met in elementary when I was about nine years old. It was my first love, it was powerful, all consuming, dangerous. When I was fourteen, was the first time I thought about suicide, because I couldn't bare the thought of living without him.
Most people don't know that I was engaged to a woman a long time ago. I was severely manic at the time and treated her terribly. She was a great loving person and didn't deserve the way I treated her.
We were on again- off again, all the time- because of me. And I really regret being so horrible to her. I loved her very much. She treated me like a princess- I wish I had treated her the same. When I was manic- full blown, it was like a demon had taken over me. I have a hard time realizing that same person back then WAS in fact me. If I could say anything to her now- I would apologize.
And the third of course, is my husband, Dave.
Again my bipolar made my relationship with Dave very difficult.
The ups and constant downs. I had broken up with him a few months before my first complete breakdown, when I was admitted to the hospital. I was with my girlfriend at the time- but that didn't matter to him- he still showed up every single day to see me and keep me company during my three weeks there. He walked forty blocks back and forth every single day, because he had no money.
When Dave and I first met, I'd already been out of the closet for a while as a bisexual. We met at a movie premier- for "Something about Mary". I was at the front of the line with my boy Marco and his friend. Dave saw us, and the friend he was hanging with knew Marco- so they decided to see if they could join us at the front of the line. He says the first thing he noticed about me was my ass. Typical.
Basically butt, boobs then face. He thought I'd be a bitch- but that didn't matter to him. I was probably pissed at the time because Marco was ragging on me like usual.
And I am a bitch- so he wasn't wrong. I smiled at him and then I put him at ease.
When he introduced himself- he was all sex. At first I thought he was gay- because he was dressed very interestingly, had ear piercings, tight club shirt, and...overalls??? Yeah- like I said, interesting. But when we shook hands me gave me the up-down look. Then I thought he was Bi. ha ha. We talked and talked- then he found out how old I was- he was 25 years old and I was only 17. I didn't have a problem with it- but he was scared- he thought I wasn't legal (BTW 17 IS legal- we found out later on).
Dave was me- but as a man. He was different than any other person I'd ever met before. He was extremely confident- to the point of being delusional. It was intriguing- especially since I had such low self confidence. And that's how he got me originally.
I have put him through the ringer since then, for sure. Good thing most of those years- I can't remember. He can though.
In the beginning when I was with him, he wished I was straight. When I was with my girlfriend, she wished I was a Lesbian.
All that doesn't matter to me anymore. Friends ask me if I miss women now.
And the answer is no. I don't think about them the way I used to. In the end- I just wanted to find the person that was right for me- didn't matter was sex they were.
Like I said- love is a very very funny thing.
It's definitely not what I imagined. Love in the long run- is much much different then those first few years together. Truthfully, I don't know "The secret" to making relationships work. I'm baffled it did. I'm lucky that no matter what, Dave would do anything for me- go to the ends of the earth if he had to. And that's what is important. I would absolutely do the same for him, any day. And here we are many many years later- with two beautiful babies to show for it.

More to come as always.
Kisses Bitches!

Marriage...

I never believed before I was married- that being married is totally different than living together. I thought- these people don't know what they're talking about.
Now when I see new couples- and I know who they are- all lovey dovey- it creeps me out. Don't get me wrong I'm affectionate- kinda.
Dave and I used to be friends with a married couple- who were always affectionate- and it creeped both of us out- because it felt so "forced" and "fake". Like they were putting on a show to show us how in love they still were. YUCK!
The "rule" goes like this- don't judge ANYTHING by the first 2 years.
That's the "I can't get enough of you- get over here- I'm gonna maul you" phase.
That could even last a few extras years if you're lucky- and usually if you don't see each other every waking minute.
Then comes the "Why are you here again, DAMMIT?!" and "This? AGAIN?!" so on and so on...
You see where I'm going with this.
When I was a kid- I didn't look forward to marriage, actually I didn't want to get married. My parents' marriage wasn't the one I looked up to.
I, as a rule and as a part of being bipolar, tire of people quickly. REALLY quickly.
Even after a few dates- if it made it to a few.
Dave is my longest relationship- and surprise- I actually look forward to spending time with him, everyday.
Then again we have two kids, one very hyperactive kid, who never sleeps.
So Dave takes night shift and I take day shift.
Which means we rarely spend time together now- He's cranky- I'm cranky- he's tired- I'm tired. We're taking care of everyone but ourselves day in and out.
Marriage is the hardest thing I've ever done, even harder than being a parent- because that comes naturally.
Marriage- not storming out the door when things go wrong. With being with the same person forever- things WILL go wrong.
Yes we fight, yes we scream. I don't usually quote the show "Everybody loves Raymond" because it was my mom's favorite show- so it was always on in the background. But Marie, the head mother of the family, said one thing that really makes sense to be now- " In a marriage there's room for hate. Yes, hate and even love." Young fresh couples don't get this. But married people certainly do.
If they stay together long enough.