Thursday, September 23, 2010

So many changes- so little time

So many things are changing right now.

It's nearing the end of the year- and everything in my life is about to change.
I mentioned before that I'm looking for a new apartment and will be moving no later than November of this year.
I'm looking in Brooklyn, Queens and Manhattan.
I've contacted so many realty companies- only to find out that apartments are...get this...cheaper in Manhattan! I was blown away by this.
Moving for my family and I isn't easy- for several reasons-
One- Big family- with several disabilities. My mom can't live in a walk up, there has to be an elevator.
And yes- we are moving together- not separately.
I help take care (cook, clean, etc) of my whole family- this is how we function. We don't function well apart  from each other. Plus my mom and sis help a lot with my kids.
Two- Violet would need all new therapists and a new sensory gym- same for Levi. This is a huge problem.
It's a ton of work. It's nearly taken me two years to get the right therapists for Violet- but they all can't travel far. I also might be looking for a new school for Violet- with all that's happened recently.
Three- We don't get the money from the landlord until the  day we move out- which makes things very difficult because I need money for the security deposit, rent and moving expenses in ADVANCE.
Oy Vey!
Four- This is my family's home. My dad has lived here his whole life.
We are all scared to move- this is all we've ever known.
But it's making my family and I so very sick. The mold and such (things falling apart) in the apartment, especially in my kids room- is horrible for our health.
We HAVE to move to help my kids get better. We're all tired of being ill all the time.
Five-being that both my kids are autistic- change is very very difficult for them to handle. Levi freaks out even going for a walk. He has serious sensory issues, as does Violet.
Moving is NOT easy for us at all.
But there isn't any choice.

I'm hoping all this bad mojo that this apartment has given us- will finally go away- and our lives will get tons better.
I pray for this every single night.
On top of all these changes-
I had to put my foot down.
I'm tired of my mom and husband being sick and physically unable, due to their weight.
I love them both, regardless of how much they weigh, obviously.
Dave has trouble with both his knees and ankles- and has pain from walking now.
I just got to my breaking point with both of them.
I told them- you are two of the most important people in my life- and both of you need to change.
I definitely feel there are so many similarities between my parents and Dave- maybe that's why Dave pisses them off so much!
I have serious issues with people being undependable- breaking promises left and right.
My mom and Dave almost always break their promises to me and it breaks my heart.
Their weight holds them back from doing the things they want to do- like running after the kids, going for a long walk, etc.
My sister is the most dependable person in my life. I can always count on her.
Both her and I, always work through any illness, being tired, anything and everything so we can take care of the kids.
Then again I can always depend on both my kids- to lose their freaking minds each and every single day.
Violet has been a wreck. Since all her therapists are on vacation, and she's not in school right now- plus she's sick.
My house is chaos right now. Levi freaking out every single time we leave the apartment.
I'm terrified and excited at the same exact time- about moving. And that there's a possibility everything will change for the better.
Just the possibility gives me goosebumps!
I'm sick right now- nose,throat- same as my kids- so my mind's a complete fog. I'm in a daze- I don't know what day it is or time, if it's sunny or raining. I'm on another planet right now.
Because of all the stress I'm under, I've been having horrific nightmares all week- like horror movies- truly scary.
I'm crawling out of my skin right now- I want everything to happen already- and the stress to be gone.
But I don't do magic- sadly.
Anyone know a fairy godmother I could call??? Anyone?

Kisses Bitches!!! Everything's about to change!!!!!
I smell something's in the air- no not a poopy diaper- I mean the smell of change coming. The winds are about to change. A serious cleansing of bullshit is coming. Can't fucking wait!
New apartment
New school??
New Therapists?
New look???who knows?
New happiness and good health?!
Healthier and slimmer Dave and mom??? Who knows?!!!
Maybe even be financially stable? Or is that asking for too much?

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