Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Minor Freak out- okay... big time freak out...

Today I had a freak out.
Pressure's been building- stacking. I try to keep everything under control- but things seem to be spinning- spiraling really.
Everyday something else happens.
Today SSI threatens to take away my money- FOR NO REASON whatsoever.
I made the appt. myself because I needed to speak to them- they turned it around on me- saying this meeting is to "reassess" my case and they could take my SSI away.
ALREADY?! I just started receiving it. ARGH! They know it's a mistake but they're not backing down. I was crying today- because everything just seems so difficult.
I don't have any health insurance right now-
I went to court for food stamps-
Now SSI. I've been there three times last month alone!
So I panicked big time. Screamed at the top of my lungs, crying and started attacking my room.
The pressure can only build for so long.
Now that I look back- it was kind of funny. The whole screaming fit.
I haven't done that in a very long time. Since before I had kids.
Dave knew my temper all too well. I used to lose it all the time- and start hitting things- not him - but start kicking and punching shit in the house- and maybe even storm off and go God knows where. Dave and I had really bad tempers. We bumped heads many many times.
Well having kids have MADE ME control my temper. That's why I'm not too proud of myself today.
But it was kind of necessary- for me- to come back down and get control of the situation- even though it seems totally out of my control.
I feel like I'm fighting all the time. Fighting this fucked up government.
SSI- hung up on me today- twice! Because they knew they had fucked up and didn't want to deal with it.
I always get these horrible horrible people at SSI and food stamps.
I'm trying to think positive everyday- but I was feeling too beat and just gave up.
But I've regained my strength and know I will not give up fighting.
Fighting to get out of this situation.
To make my family's life better and less stressed. Something to look forward to waking up to.
You watch- I'm gonna make things 100 times better- real soon.

More to come...

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