Wednesday, April 7, 2010


So last night I had nightmares. I woke Dave up, which I rarely do, for nightmares that is, and ...get this...cuddled. I DON'T cuddle. I'm not an affectionate person really. So it scared me bad, and I felt like maybe with my face pressed up against his back- because he's not used to me asking to cuddle- maybe then the nightmares wouldn't continue. They were very vivid. I don't remember all of it, but I do remember demons being in my dreams and instead of fighting them, I just gave in.
And I was pissed off in my dream because I knew I SHOULD be fighting, but I didn't.
I didn't get what my dream meant until a few minutes ago. I'll explain.
Today was Violet's CPSE meeting. For those of you who don't know- that's Committee for Preschool Special Education- through the Board of Ed.
My oh my, I had such high hopes for this meeting. I wanted for Violet to continue her home services, even after going to a new school.
I was shut down the minute the words left my mouth, at the meeting.
Thank goodness for Shannon, Violet's ABA therapist was there sitting right next to me. Without her- I would have cried. The new school wanted her to start, to my surprise, THIS COMING MONDAY!!! Instead of the summer, like we had planned.
And that would mean NO more Shannon, no more speech, no more occupational therapy- the whole shabang- WHOOSH- GONE! Starting Monday?!
Were they crazy?!
I was able to get it pushed till the end on June- but I'm beside myself, thinking What am I going to do without these wonderful people???
I find myself thinking- I should have fought harder- screamed, anything- to get what Violet needed. But I felt all this red tape in the way!!!
I mean- does anyone know about SO many of the Early Intervention (kids age newborns to 3 years old) services being CUT!!! By Governor Patterson??!!!
He cut these amazing services for these AMAZING kids who need them so badly- to save money!!! This is the WORST IDEA ever!!! And I can't believe it went through!!!
Why doesn't anyone know about this??? Why isn't this on the news???
The rate of kids with Autism is 1 out of 100 now, and they CUT these services- that help these wonderful children. Fuck THAT!
I would apologize for my rage- but no, this is justified. What Patterson did was WRONG!
And now the Board of Ed, is cutting back on services as well. This is infuriating!
So now I see what my dream meant- I didn't fight. I just let it happen.
Technically I DID fight- just not hard enough. I felt helpless, hopeless.
But now, I know I'm not going to give up- I'm going to be on this guy's back until he sees what I see. That my daughter NEEDS these extra therapies, and that she is making progress by leaps and bounds with their help.

I'm preparing for battle. I got my war paint. It's ON, bitches!

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