Saturday, April 3, 2010

Tired and Cranky.

I'm tired of being tired.
Most of you know by now- my children don't sleep. They eventually do fall asleep but NEVER EVER stay asleep.
This leads to Dave and I being tired all the time.
Coffee is my friend. Dave is a connoisseur of all energy drinks, shots and vitamins.
He is a TRUE caffeine addict. We've tried to get him off this addiction a few times- but that leads to HELL. I don't care if I'm an enabler- I don't like Dave acting like a Cunt.
It takes him awhile to go through complete withdrawal- and I can't go through that again. Plus- what else can we do to stay awake???
He's exhausted all the time. Tired all the time- no matter how much he naps.
And his doctors don't listen to me- when I explain there's a serious problem.
I don't nap. That's my thing- I can't sleep during the day- it completely throws me off. The only time I do nap is when I'm really, really sick.
Dave is night shift- technically. Though I have yet to sleep through a night. There's always one of the kids finding a way to wake me up repeatedly.
During the morning til the afternoon he sleeps. And it's Kayla and I taking care of the wee little ones. Violet's therapists do help. But a lot happens during the daytime- things need to get done. Cooking, cleaning, phone calls, doctor appointments, therapy, school, shopping, you name it.
My sister has become my husband- and no it's not as sick as it sounds. We're together all the time- taking care of the kids, doing errands together. She is my lifesaver!!! Without her I don't know what I'd do!!!
Of course we get on each other's nerves, but not as much as other siblings I know. We actually enjoy each other's company. Plus she "gets" me. My instructions and directions- she gets right away- no need to over explain. This comes in handy.
I don't know what I'll do when she goes to college nor when Dave eventually goes back to school to complete his master's degree.
I'll have gone totally insane by then- most probably within one day of being alone.
My kids are a handful- not only is Violet autistic and hyperactive, she needs attention every second of everyday to make sure she doesn't kill herself (she thinks she indestructible!)- but my son is a little handful as well. He's only 8 months old for goodness sakes. I can't possibly watch them both properly without someone else's help. I'd hire a nanny just to HELP me- because NO one person could EVER take care of both my children alone- at the same time. I triple DOG DARE YOU! You'd fail no doubt- because it is impossible. No super nanny- not anyone could do this.
Being tired all the time- wears on a marriage. Dave is cranky almost all the time. Which leads to many many arguments. And I DO understand where he's coming from. But all the fighting is hard.
To All my friends wanting to get married- I never tell them- it's a good idea. NEVER.
I usually ask, "WHY Oh why are you ruining a good thing?!!"
Marriage is the hardest thing- even more difficult than being a parent. Seriously!
That stupid piece of paper changes people. I don't know why but it does, and who ever says that it doesn't is LYING.
I've always lived with people. So it's not being around Dave 24/7 that's the problem. I'm not a loner.
It's the constant anger that's the issue, probably because we're both sleep deprived. He's always had a sleeping problem- even before the kids came. Always.
And now my kids have a similar problem. But he can stay asleep for hours and hours and hours. We're always mad at each other. Because both of us feel the other doesn't let us sleep enough.
I try to be in a good mood. Well at least not in a bad mood. Because that would suck. And being around me would then suck. Plus I want my kids knowing how much I love them, and love being around them- even when they are driving me crazy.
And believe me I KNOW I'm not a saint. And would never paint myself as one. Hello! I'm bipolar- I do have mood swings galore! But definitely not as bad as it was before.
So I'm getting off topic.
So I'm tired of being tired. Yeah- that's what this blog started with right?
So yeah- that's about it because if I keep going with this blog- it'll be ten pages.
SO I'll stop here.

Kisses to all my sexy, crazy bitches!
Peace out!

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