Looking up?

Are things starting to finally look up????

Last night Levi's fever finally broke!

Yesterday the CPSE ( NYC Board of Ed) official, who originally declined my daughter any additional services (that were desperately needed!!!), called yesterday. Why, you ask?

Because DAVE called him and left a message. SEE!?! I told you so! If I had called- nothing would have happened. I had emailed him TWICE!

But one phone call from DAVE, and he called back shortly after, we will be having another meeting to discuss Violet possibly getting the additional home therapies, she needs so badly.

Hallelujah!

As for our apartment...nothing is looking up at all just yet.

I'm trying to think of where we could move to- I'm still hoping for a decent buyout offer- at this point decent being the keyword. Amazing, would be better.

I feel like my so called "home" isn't mine anymore. As if it was never my home in the first place because I've lived in fear of losing it since I was nine years old ( when we got our first-of yearly-eviction notices). I'm tired of feeling this way and being harassed by our landlord. Especially now that I have children. I don't want them growing up the way I did. I want more for them and for them to feel safe in their own home.

I look forward to the day we get our new place. Opening the door- and taking a deep breath, the deep breath of freedom.

It's like I'm a prisoner in my own home.

On another note- Levi is making more sounds- and having serious separation anxiety. He calls for me ALL day and night long. Which I find really sweet and not annoying. He also has been trying new foods. His favorite?? Meatballs!

Dave actually cooked dinner last night and made B.A.M.- Big Ass Meatballs!

They were delicious!!! And Levi thought so as well.

He was falling asleep after I fed him some- then saw Dave's plate of meatballs and wanted MORE! Even though he was falling asleep!

That's my boy! Hungry ALL the time!

This is a photo from this morning's walk outside. I forgot his sunglasses, so I put Violet's sunglasses on him. He looks fierce. And has "Crazy eyes" in the photo for some weird reason- maybe he saw something he wasn't supposed to see?!

Kisses Bitches!!!!

ARGH!

So last night I had nightmares. I woke Dave up, which I rarely do, for nightmares that is, and ...get this...cuddled. I DON'T cuddle. I'm not an affectionate person really. So it scared me bad, and I felt like maybe with my face pressed up against his back- because he's not used to me asking to cuddle- maybe then the nightmares wouldn't continue. They were very vivid. I don't remember all of it, but I do remember demons being in my dreams and instead of fighting them, I just gave in.
And I was pissed off in my dream because I knew I SHOULD be fighting, but I didn't.
I didn't get what my dream meant until a few minutes ago. I'll explain.
Today was Violet's CPSE meeting. For those of you who don't know- that's Committee for Preschool Special Education- through the Board of Ed.
My oh my, I had such high hopes for this meeting. I wanted for Violet to continue her home services, even after going to a new school.
I was shut down the minute the words left my mouth, at the meeting.
Thank goodness for Shannon, Violet's ABA therapist was there sitting right next to me. Without her- I would have cried. The new school wanted her to start, to my surprise, THIS COMING MONDAY!!! Instead of the summer, like we had planned.
And that would mean NO more Shannon, no more speech, no more occupational therapy- the whole shabang- WHOOSH- GONE! Starting Monday?!
Were they crazy?!
I was able to get it pushed till the end on June- but I'm beside myself, thinking What am I going to do without these wonderful people???
I find myself thinking- I should have fought harder- screamed, anything- to get what Violet needed. But I felt all this red tape in the way!!!
I mean- does anyone know about SO many of the Early Intervention (kids age newborns to 3 years old) services being CUT!!! By Governor Patterson??!!!
He cut these amazing services for these AMAZING kids who need them so badly- to save money!!! This is the WORST IDEA ever!!! And I can't believe it went through!!!
Why doesn't anyone know about this??? Why isn't this on the news???
The rate of kids with Autism is 1 out of 100 now, and they CUT these services- that help these wonderful children. Fuck THAT!
I would apologize for my rage- but no, this is justified. What Patterson did was WRONG!
And now the Board of Ed, is cutting back on services as well. This is infuriating!
So now I see what my dream meant- I didn't fight. I just let it happen.
Technically I DID fight- just not hard enough. I felt helpless, hopeless.
But now, I know I'm not going to give up- I'm going to be on this guy's back until he sees what I see. That my daughter NEEDS these extra therapies, and that she is making progress by leaps and bounds with their help.

I'm preparing for battle. I got my war paint. It's ON, bitches!