Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Yesterday's madness

Yesterday was a horrible day. Just plain old bad day.
I had taken both my parents to the doctor. That went fine. But before I had to leave the house I felt sooo super hungry but I had no time to eat.
So by the time I got back, I was starving. By the time I finally got to eat, I got really dizzy. Like I was going to pass out.
I mentioned this to Dave, he got instantly terrified, and jumped up off the couch. He saw that my sister hadn't stopped eating and seemed unfazed, so he got enraged and smacked her in the back of the head. Then my mom started screaming at him. And an all out fight occurred.
See Dave has quite a temper. He goes from 0-60 extremely fast. This can cause problems.
I know, from experience, when he gets like this, I back off, and wait till the time is right to talk to him about what just happened. And just about always, he later sees what went wrong, and apologizes for losing his temper.
My mom doesn't know this- so she'll confront him right away- which then escalates really really quickly. And then I have to referee the fight to make sure they don't kill each other. Just to let you know Dave and my mom love each other very much. But they butt heads a lot of the time. Leading to extra stress for me.
Despite all this, we actually enjoy living together. I take care of everyone, the cooking, cleaning, making appointments, the shopping. We're a hive.
I count on my mother and Kayla to help me with my children. Without them, I'd be a wreck.
Anyway back to what I was saying before. So Dave and my mom really got into it. Dave leaves the room once he knows I'm not going to faint, to try to calm down.
My mom feels I take Dave's side a lot of the time. And I really don't. I do know that Dave needs to learn to control his temper, and that's it's not okay whatsoever. But my mom also needs to learn NOT to confront someone who's really enraged at the time. And to talk about it when the person has calmed down.
Dave apologized to Kayla later when he cooled down. And Kayla and him are okay now, they're like brother and sister. They are very very close.
But everyone does worry about his temper.
I had a talk with him last night, and he knows he has to work on this right away.
I grew up terrified of my father's temper. He hated me as a child. It's okay- I've more or less moved beyond this now. I have way more issues with him than this.
But yeah, he hated the attention I got from my mom. And therefore hated me. Whenever my mom would leave, he would take the time to terrorize me.
So I was deathly afraid of him for most of my life. Until I realized I could fight back- and WIN!
I take care of him now, even after everything he's done to me. He's gotten older, and forgetful. He's almost like a child of mine now. A defiant child, for sure.
So I worry about my children. I don't want them being afraid of their dad's temper. I know he would never ever hurt them, because unlike my father, he loves his children, and he loves me.
I'm posting this because this is something I'm going through. And I don't want anyone thinking this is written to make Dave look bad, quite the opposite, he's working on this problem, and he's an excellent father. The best I've ever known.

Kisses my beautiful bitches, just keepin' it real like always.

Till next time.

1 comment:

  1. this could have something to do with his diabetes. mood swings ar not uncommon. crazy blood sugars make diabetics feel odd.
    Serena you cannever be on the side os the violent one. There is no excuse for that. It is bad behavior but it does not mean Davis is bad but he needs to get help. And on one needs that in their life. Take a stand against violence.

    serena it is kind to take care of your dad but he is a grown man and can take care of himself. You do not have to take care of the world. First take care of yourself and next your kids. The others, Kayla, Dave, Dad ar grown ups. They need to take care of themselves.
    The caretaker never takes the time to assess his/her own needs and feelings.

    "The caretaker may not deal with his/her own stress and many times, this lack of attention may take on physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomachaches, and backaches. The inner feelings of the caretaker may be: hurt, despair, anger, pain, guilt, fear, inadequacy, and self-doubt. Maybe they are not doing a good job at fixing things. After all, it is a parents’ job to make everything better." DON'T BE THE CARE TAKER.