Thursday, April 22, 2010

One of the worst days ever, like for sure.

I woke up exhausted, as per usual. But I literally forced myself out of bed today. I knew Violet was going to have picture day in school today, and I wanted her to look perfect.
The minute I entered the living room, I saw Kayla not looking so well. She said "My blood pressure's going up and down". I ran to her and before I could catch her, her passed out and fell face first to the floor. I freaked!
She took longer this time to wake up. I feel that she was having a seizure. But I one point I thought she stopped breathing! Her whole face lost all color. Her lips were white! I was so scared, I thought for a split second my sister was dead. I yelled to Dave, who was worried to but then saw her take a very shallow breath. We were both relieved. My heart cannot handle things like this. I felt horrible horrible pain in my legs and arms,wile I was holding her in my arms on the floor, and felt like I was going to vomit and pass out at the same time! I imagined my sister and I being wheeled to the emergency room, and I told myself "Get it together!!!!". Dave gave me and my sister a glucose tablet and some water, which made both of us feel a little bit better.
Kayla came to, finally after a good 5 minutes!
Four cops and two EMTS, showed up to our apartment, asking where the four year old that passed out was? We were all so confused and told them my sister was almost twenty years old, not four! To which they seemed relieved.
It caused quite a commotion in the building. Everybody's definitely talking about us now, for sure. My sister was then taken by ambulance to the hospital.
After this all happened, I still had to get Violet dressed and ready for picture day. BTW When the cops were here, all she did was stare at their walkie-talkies. SHE FUCKING wanted it so badly.
So she was pretty calm through the whole thing, Levi not so much, he was screaming.
I got Violet dressed and got her on her school bus. This whole time, I still felt like passing out.
Dave and I stayed up with Levi, who was going nuts the entire morning. After I got Violet off the bus, she went straight into therapy. Dave at that point was really exhausted, and was snapping at me and really really pissed. He looked like he was gonna kill me, so he decided to go to bed, so he would've totally snap. And from there, I had to take her to her sensory gym, that's about 10 blocks away. She was falling asleep, and her therapist and I were trying to keep her awake, because SHE LOVES her time in the sensory gym, it's awesome!
When we got there, we woke up her, she was screaming, then I had to take her drink away, because no drinks or food is allowed at the gym, which lead to Violet having a total meltdown, then it starts storming outside. I had no umbrella, no cash, no nothing! And she was still screaming! I had to stay with her during her therapy, and run after her repeatedly.
When we were about to leave, the sun came out, thank goodness!!! And I practically ran, pushing Violet in the stroller home.
I got home, and just broke down crying. Thinking about my sister being dead... Kayla can never leave me, she's my baby, I don't know what I'd do without her.
I was literally having a panic attack all day long. ALL DAY.
This has been a bad fucking day. I'm so fucking tired, emotionally and physically.
Kayla will be going to a neurologist very shortly.
We're all watching her like a hawk, she's never going to be alone. It's too scary.
So yeah, this day was one of the worst ever, like for sure.

Kisses bitches!

Hopefully some good news will come soon.
Pray for us.


  1. Im totally thinking and praying for you. I hope Kayla feels better soon. Please keep us all posted!

  2. Serena,
    This is too much for one person to bear. Please ask for help so you can share this.
    Here is my prescription for you.

    1. Get regular sleep. I know this is tough but you have Dave and you can shift sleep. You must rejuvenate your body and rest your mind. I have used a quarter of a 5mg zanax for sleep or you can use ambien etc.

    2. Do your best with Kayla but she is a grown woman and she will need to take care of her stuff also. She needs to be responsible and get whatever treatment she can etc. You can share the burden of Kayla with both of you.

    3. Find some time for yourself even if it is 10 minutes. 10 minutes of empyting your mind can make a big difference.

    4. You and Dave need to be a team. He needs to be your rock and he needs to work with you on EVERYTHING. Both of you need to think about what needs to be done on a daily basis and work out a schedule. Order can creat ease.

    5. Don't be PERFECT. You can do some things imperfectly. The world will not come to an end.

    6. If you can join a mom group or a mom only class. I took classes about child rearing and development in an informal setting. This was nice to hear what other moms had to say. Bonding is good. YOu are not alone.

    7. For a couple of minutes blast the stereo and rock out.

    All new parents have their challenges. Yours are too much for one person. If possible see if you can barter something of the lovley things you make for some baby watching time.

    Also if you can rent a car one week end and just hit some nice out door places or even a big mall.

    Call me if you need any ideas or just want to 720-222-1264

  3. Thanks Marcia, for all the good advice. And for taking the time to comment. I would love to join a mommy group, but I feel I don't have much in common with NYC moms, at least not the ones that can afford and mommy class.
    I do rock out to my music everyday, without it I'd be totally lost. I now even enjoy doing the dishes and cooking, because I get to put on my headphones and do my thing. I know it's weird, but it helps.
    And even though this is a lot to handle, my sister is never a burden, I'd do anything for her, she's my baby. But I understand what you meant.
    Thanks again Marcia for caring:) I really appreciate it!!!!