Saturday, May 1, 2010

This blog is dedicated to my sister

She is in the hospital right now, and I'm lost without her.
So this blog entry is for her.
We are so close, people don't understand. We are like mother/daughter and sometimes twins. We finish each others sentences, we laugh at each other's jokes, and mistakes.
And yes we rag on each other, but really she is my heart.
I'm so panicked here, at home with the kids. Dave injured his knee, and I somehow fucked up my back. So we're here taking care of our crazy kids, and all I can think about is my sister.
She had a seizure this morning at 4 A.M in the morning, alone in the hospital,and I wasn't there to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay.
It killed me.
She said something to me the other night, when she was home, she said "You are the first person I see when I wake up (from the seizures). You're always there for me".
I had to stop myself from crying, because I hate crying. I had to be strong for her, for everyone, like always.
My sister wasn't feeling well all Friday morning, and we were watching her like a hawk. I even walked her to the restroom. I had to make sure she didn't fall.
My parents took her to the hospital that afternoon, and she's been there since getting several tests done. The house is so quiet without her. Even with my kids both screaming, it feels quiet. If you know my sister, you know she's ALWAYS talking.
ALWAYS. So without hearing her voice, I feel empty.
When I say we're like twins, I mean because of how close we are because , I don't think, we look alike at all, but that's just me.
My mom would buy us clothes, when I was younger, and she'd buy my sister and I the SAME exact clothing! In the same color- just different sizes! It was horrifying at the time, but now I just find that hilarious!!!
We are 9 years apart in age! She's my younger sister- but we wore the same things.
Now I shop for the both of us, I pick out her clothes and buy them for her. We have similar taste, except hers is a little more conservative then mine.
We now share each other's clothing. All the time. Before she would steal my clothes, and I'd get upset, now I don't care. I just want her to look good, and if that means borrowing my stuff, I don't mind.
When I think of it, Dave didn't only marry me, he married my family.
I am the head of my household, I run things. So I could never leave them by themselves, I'm not putting my parents down, I just know my mom would be beside herself. She'd be very lonely, I'm her best friend, and she's one of mine. My dad would lose his head, if it wasn't attached to him. And my sister, well let's put it this way, when I moved out many years back, Kayla was very lonely. And when I moved back- we were both so happy and a bit relieved.
My kids LOVE Kayla, she's their buddy. And Dave and Kayla are super close, she calls him her brother. Probably because he picks on her, just like a brother.
So yeah, Dave kind of married both of us, and totally not in a sick way but because just like a brother, he also can't stand her at times, and vice verse.
We always go out all together, my sis, Dave, the kids and I on walks, shopping, etc.
I'm not sure what people think when they see us all together. Not that I give a crap.
Our home is really really missing a huge piece of the puzzle, my sister.
When you read this, Kayla, whenever that is- I just want you to know, I'm not the same without you around. You're not only my sister, you're my buddy.
You are loved so much and I can't wait to have you back home, safe and sound.

I love you, Boo.

That's all for now.
Wish my sister luck.

*photo of the two of us- last summer while I was pregnant with Levi, on the Q train to Coney Island. Real good times!

1 comment:

  1. I hope Kayla gets better I cant imagine what it feels like but I know she knows how much you love her and thats something thats really really special. My thoughts are with her.