Saturday, February 20, 2010

B-day party

I've mentioned before I have serious anxiety issues. So all day yesterday I couldn't bring myself to eat because I was so anxious and had butterflies in my stomach.
So finally it was show time. We got to the White Rabbit and it looked even more beautiful than I remembered it. As well as the drinks. I rarely ever drink and I when I do- I drink wine (my favorite alcoholic beverage), so when Dave asked me what I wanted to drink- I had to think about it. What was it that I used to drink??? Vodka and tonic, Rum and diet coke(gross) and of course shots amock. So I went with a really girlie girlie drink- a cosmo. And man it was delicious. I'd had quite a few and total forgot that I hadn't eaten all day. So I'm there with my good friends- thank you to everyone who came- chatting and drinking. Then came the jolly rancher shots- a few of them. When most of my friends left, that's when my wifey came in, Molly with her boy Craig. So we had an after party- party. So then came the limoncello shots and more drinks. After that- I kinda don't remember - I know we ended up in katz deli- and that's where my insides decided to become my outsides. And apparently at that EXACT same time- the same thing happened to Dave while he was in the bathroom.
That's how linked we are- it's really sick.
My girlie and her boy took good care of me and eventually dave took me home.
Later I woke up in my sister's sleep clothes (my sister had apparently dressed me), feeling HORRIBLE. The headache and nausea I could handle- the overwhelming paranioa, anxiety and the horrible chest pains, I couldn't. It wasn't till about 8 AM that I realized I hadn't taken my night medication ( for obviously my bipolar). I was cycling really hard. I was so dehyrated I could barely even cry. It was bad- it was like a flashback to the old days. Where most days were nightmares. I felt terrible and ashamed- because I had drank to the point of not remembering. Dave helped get me through this. I kept apologizing to him, feeling like I ruined his night. We both were really hungover- he had about 15 corona's, a couple of my cosmos and quite a few shots.
After he gave me a couple of aspirins ( for my heart) and my Geodon (One of the best medications for bipolar disorder on the freaking market in my opinion) and a few bottles of water, within 15-20 minutes I felt a whole bunch better. Yup, Geodon works THAT fast. I was together enough to give my son a bath. He had missed me terribly and was crying- until he saw me finally. He was all smiles and blew rasberries on my arm while kicking his chubby feet in the water. He really put me at ease. He's my baby boy- and he's all eyes for me. He always makes me feel special- even while being horribly hungover- I'm still a queen in his eyes.
When the kids went down for a nap that was Dave and my cue to take this time to sleep.
Hours later I was woken up by my mom- who'd had more than enough of my kids by that point. I'm so thankful to my mom and sister- that they took amazing care of my children while we were out.
I woke up feeling tons better- still with a bad headache and nausea- but not cycling anymore. PHEW! And I was finally able to look back on the night positively.
Most of the photos we took last night were blurry- for obvious reasons.
I love you all for celebrating my birthday with me- I'm very lucky to have all of you in my life. Even my cousin and his fabulous girlie came and surprised me.
It's rare that I get anytime with people without being distracted by my wonderful children. I hope to have more days/nights out just with WAY less drinking. Way less. And definitely more eating. Definitely.

Kisses Bitches!!!

*BTW I'm having trouble uploading a photo- so I'll try to upload a photo later.

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