Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Diagnosis and Christmas

Levi was recently diagnosed with PDD-NOS, with "the most severe symptoms of autism".
He's under two years old- and they don't diagnose most kids with Autism this early.
Everyone I tell, goes "Awww" or "Shit!" or "Fuck!!!"
I'm always surprised and kind of amused by this reaction.
I went through all this with Violet over two years ago.
I went through a whole week of crying thinking- "What did I do during my pregnancy that caused this?" Or just flat out "How did I cause this?"
Blaming myself- most parents go through this in the beginning.
I'm way past this stage. Even though people ask me all the time "Do I know what caused it in both my kids? Did I do something different?" All the usual inappropriate questions people ask.
These things happen- yes and it happened twice to me.
But I don't ever wish for my kids to be different than what they are.
Yeah, Levi cries a lot and bangs his head a lot, but he also makes me laugh so much and loves me more than I ever believed possible.
Violet is also hilarious!! And has the very best laugh I've ever heard in my entire life!
I love them both so much- just the way they are- I don't believe in "curing" them.
This is so stupid to me. And I believe it makes the kids feel that they are "wrong" in some way.
Now Levi will be getting a lot more therapy and might even go to a school for two hours a day.
It's a big change for him, but I know it helps a lot in the end.
Many of my friends have no clue how to "handle" my kids.
When we're in a restaurant all together- and my daughter is eating cream cheese with her fingers and there's cream cheese all over her hair and face! The whole time- smiling and laughing to herself- just SO darn happy!
Levi crying in the highchair.
They get embarrassed.
This is so ridiculous to me- I mean "GET OVER IT!"
Where I go- my kids go- that's just the way things are.
I don't have money for babysitters- plus I don't trust anyone with taking proper care of my children. I knew many babysitters and they were a disgrace!
Especially since I babysat for over 13 years!!! I would've done anything for these kids- I treated them like they were my own. They even slept over my house.
I would've taken a bullet for them- yeah- when I take care of a child- that's the way it goes and is supposed to be- kid- first, YOU- LAST!
If you don't feel this way- DON'T take care of kids! You SUCK at it!!! Give UP!
Seriously! You suck!
That's why I don't trust nannies or babysitters.
But like I said- I can't afford them anyways.
I barely trust my family watching my kids.
Especially since Levi is even more destructive to himself lately.
He feel on his head twice in five minutes last night- thank goodness for carpeting!!!
I love my kids- and yes it is a challenge shopping with them and running errands- but that's what I gotta do.
Plus I miss them when they're not with me.
EXCEPT for last night- when I went to the supermarket by myself for a few things (seltzer I cannot live without you- you complete me!!!).
The kids were with Dave and Kayla at home.
I smiled at everyone, started conversations and went through every single aisle just plain HAPPY.
Everyone smiled back- and was so super nice!
It only lasted a few minutes- the shopping experience- but it was bliss!!
We got our Christmas Tree yesterday and put it together (fake of course- otherwise my kids would be EATING the TREE!!!)
Levi was rocking back and forth smiling staring at the lights on the tree, Violet was even teaching him NOT to pull the lights on the tree. She just pulled his hand away from the lights and said "Nah nah nah" In her sweet little baby girl voice!!
It was exciting!
We haven't put the ornaments on the tree yet- I'll be taking photos and recording when we do!
This is the first year that Violet is aware of Christmas. It's really special.

Kisses Bitches!

So don't say "Awww" or pity me- that's stupid.
All I ask is that you understand. That's all.
Not TOO difficult, right?

*photo of Levi with a christmas tree hat in a shopping cart

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