Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Stuff n' Shit

Hey guys and gals.
This past week was CRAZY!!!
Both my parents have been insane.
I think everyone here has lost their minds COMPLETELY!
DO you ever have this moment where you realize your parents- or even just one- wish you never existed?
Yeah I get this a lot.
Not from my mom, although on Thanksgiving during all the drama in the kitchen, my mom turned to me and yells "You wanna know why I crazy?! YOU'RE the REASON that I yell and scream all the time!"
She said this with this insane look in her eyes- like she'd been in prison at some point.
At this point I just had to laugh my ass off, I replied "So I'm the reason you're CRAZY?!"
She responded "YES!!! YOU ARE!"
I turned to Dave and just laughed and laughed and laughed, my mom had finally snapped!
But back to my dad, the one I know for certain wishes I never existed.
I bet he wishes he never married either. Or has the "shitty life" he thinks he has.
I know he blames me for us moving from his "precious, wonderful, Manhattan apartment".
According to him- he sacrificed everything for his family.
Which to me- is the biggest bunch of bullshit I've ever heard in my life.
It didn't matter to him that my kids and I weren't sick all the time- or that our room was covered in mold, that our stove didn't work and leaked gas, that the paint all over the house was chipping, the cabinets and sinks were rotting. None of this mattered to him.
The only thing that mattered to him was that stupid shit hole of an apartment and that it was in Manhattan.
I grew up with my dad being an absolute prick. He was angry all the time and would break things with his head!!! Bash his head against the walls when he was angry while screamng at me- This STILL wasn't the worst thing he did to me. There was- oh so much- more still. He always terrified me.
Not until I was around 14 did I start to fight back and yell and scream at him.
I always told Dave, that the man- he met- my father- about 12 years ago- was a sweet little innocent kitten compared to the way he was years before.
Ever since we moved my dad has been a maniac.
He was fighting with me all the time about everything and anything.
It was really pissing me off.
Because no matter ALL the shit he's done to me over the years- I STILL try not to fight with him.
It's pointless.
The last time we really went to blows- and I almost punched him, was a few years ago, when Violet was around a year old.
If it hadn't been for Dave practically catching me in mid flight to jump-punch him int he face (I think I've played mortal combat a few too many times), I would've killed him.
I was just about to lose my fucking cool with him yet again, until Dave took him aside- and basically threatened to "Karate chop" my dad in the balls (TRUTH!!!) That my dad backed down a wee bit.
My dad isn't afraid of anyone- which is SO ridiculous to think this- except Dave.
He's seen Dave lose his temper- and Dave is the one person- other than me- people should be scared of.
See I'm more a scrappy crazy- like a crackhead (but I'm not obviously!). You never know what's gonna make me snap- and what I'm gonna fucking hit with you with.
Dave is more- the I'm really big and intimidating and looks like he has serious anger issues- he could probably crush someone's skull with his bare hands- I'm sure of this.
My dad and me- we don't mix.
I try to stay as calm as possible with him.
To me- he's still a child. He reacts like a child.
I TRY my very best to stay calm with him and not get pissed off by everything single crazy thing he says.

On another note we are getting settled in our place.
Still trying to figure out our surroundings- but we're getting better.
Today is my 4 year wedding anniversary to Dave- the anniversary of our hack wedding at city hall.
Such a bad day for us- it was pouring rain we were fighting- I was scared shitless! I was as white as a ghost!
Dave was screaming at me saying "You don't want to marry me??!"
Yeah- it was a bad day.
My dad showed up in a stained shirt and pants- trying to have us hurry up because he needed to get back to his office ( it was only a couple of floors UP in the same building!).
My mom was late- but showed up with flowers for us- I thought she was going to miss my hack wedding!
My dad and mom weren't talking or getting along.
My mom couldn't figure out how to work the video camera, the judge couldn't get my name right.
All together the wedding wasn't more than a minute long.
We were BROKE- so we went to the dinner for a piece of shitty cake.
Fun times....NOT!
Did I mention I was four months pregnant with Violet at the time? And nauseous?!

And here we are today four years later- and it's pouring rain yet again.
Fun times. Fun times.

Kisses Bitches!!!

*photo found on google images.


  1. Oh, Beana, how I enjoy your rants... I really do... though not the stress that the real deal causes you, but it's funny shit.

    First off, I need to say, good riddance of the old rotting place, so what if it was in Manhattan? Rats live in manhattan too. lol Your parents need to appreciate the change and see the positive but they don't sound like the life-loving, positive types. I don't know what is up with older folks in general. They start feeling like the world owes them something the older and more decrepit they get. Like, 'i worked so hard all my life, and here i am falling apart and broke'. Well, that's just how it is. Not everyone ends up as Donald Trump. You, didn't ask your mom to be born and you, weren't responsible for the choices she made regarding her own life. And furthermore, many women DO go crazy when they become moms (present company possibly excluded?). First off, there's no denying the physiological that occur in the process of bonding with a baby (reason why moms continue telling you to take a sweater until they die) plus no one truly tells you just HOW MUCH work it truly is being a parent. But of course, to express outright that motherhood isn't the best thing for everyone is very taboo, so many women who have these grudges, hold them deep inside and only show them under extreme duress.

    Your parents are afraid of change. Well too bad for them. They can get with the program or they can stew in their misery... it's not YOUR job to make sure they focus on the possibilities. And it's good that Dave is able to manage your dad, but if you need to bring out 'scraps' on his ass... you have my full support. Go for the neck, with a sharp object, a weak spot on everyone!!!! xoxox

  2. Yes...the older people get the more afraid of change they become because change to them represents death, and that's one thing non of us can outrun. They are closer to it then we are and most fear it.

    When you get older, you start to forget things, and so your only saving grace is being surrounded by the familiar. By moving they've lost a connection to their past and to there memories, which can be very frighting. It's like after all these years, having to start from scratch and just like any frightened animal, they'll attack first and ask questions later. No it doesn't make sense, especially considering what you escaped by leaving that apartment, but most fears are illogical.

    My point is don't take on there issues, you have enough of your own, and don't take anything that comes out of there mouths personally.
    Soon enough they will get used to the new place, their new surroundings, and once you start making new memories things will calm down.
    I don't know what is up with your dad, nor do I understand the history there, but what I do know is that you can't help those who don't want to be helped so don't waste your energy.

    I'm proud of you for fighting one should put you down...:))