My old motto for a very long time was "Work it! Love it! Live it! Flaunt it!"
I definitely feel I haven't been living up to this in awhile.
My new motto- "I'm a model. I'm a mom. I'm a CUNT! I'm fabulous!"
If you knew me- you'd know this works well for me.
I've been extra stressed these past few days- and it's wearing on me.
As I was listening to my music, and of course do housework, dishes in this case, I realize no matter what is happening to me physically- I'm not giving up without a fucking fight!
Earlier today the handyman in my building came to my apartment to help me unclog my severely clogged bathtub drain. He worked so damn hard. And then said to me-"There's too much hair in the drain", to which I replied frankly "I'm very ill and losing my hair". At which point his whole attitude changed and he was SO nice and kind to me, which was a definite change from his usual attitude towards me.
After saying that I felt like crying- and I HATE crying- it shows weakness- and I can't stand it. So when I'm crying- it's because I can't hold it back any longer.
I teared a tiny bit- just enough for me to realize- this is really FUCKED UP.
And no loss of anything other than my family- will make me upset. Material items, nothing. So losing my hair- I'm not going to waste my time and energy- being distraught anymore.
As I write this- my hair is falling to my shoulders- yep it's THAT bad. And hopefully a doctor will find out what the flying fuck is happening to me- because this happened long before this stress started happening.
Dave offered earlier today, to shave my head for me, and his to make me feel better.
and I froze- because I wasn't ready. Whatever is happening- it's going to be on MY terms. I'm a fighter- so yes- hair oh lovely hair- I love you. I'm obsessed with you. But you ain't worth nothing to me no more. Fuck this shit!
If I'm gonna be bald- I'm gonna be a fierce bitch! Watch out.
I'll work it.
This blog I actually wrote two whole days ago-
I didn't want to publish this blog until I shaved my head.
Well shortly after writing this- my beloved buzzer broke! Dave was upset because he REALLY wanted to buzz my head.
Since then he's been trying to attack me with scissors- saying "I can totally do THIS! Don't you trust me?!"
To which I reply "NO!" Because the LAST time is shaved my head with a razor I was 8 months pregnant with Violet, and he cut my head up. I TOTALLY don't trust him with a blade.
Oh yeah and yesterday was a day from FUCKING hell. My sister passed out, hit her head and went by ambulance to the hospital. Don't worry she's okay and she's home safe and sound.
Both of us have been suffering from extremely low blood pressure. I will never get that image of her head hitting the wall out of my mind. I was super affectionate to her while waiting for the ambulance- and told her" See? I'm affectionate when it counts." She laughed. After all she's my baby, she's like a daughter to me. I've never been so scared.
Usually there's at least a few minutes between when someone says they're not feeling well- to the time they go limp. At least this happens in my case- thank goodness- enough time to take aspirin and lay the fuck down. Well this is NOT the case with my sister.
And after all this happened yesterday- Dave was still coming after me with scissors.
I better get a buzzer quick otherwise Dave will WIN. Meaning I will LOSE.
Kisses to my beautiful bitches!
BTW "Don't be offended by me calling you bitches. I call you bitches because I don't know all your names individually."- Katt Williams. AMEN!