Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I'm thinking about...
doing a video blog. I wanted to in the past- but wasn't so sure.
I think I'll get a new web cam- since I can't find the old shitty one I used to have- plus technology has improved since then- so maybe you could tell that I'm white?
Lots of things have been happening-
First of all- my family has been passing around the stomach flu like it was fresh new money.
I was running a hospital here. Plus I get a bit O.C.D. about cleaning when people are sick.
Mopped the floor yet again today- second time in a three days.
Everyone's been fighting- probably due to lots of stress including trying to find a new apartment to move into.
My mom and dad have been fighting- nothing new.
Dave and I have been fighting- also not so very new.
Dave has been having migraines for months now- every single day.
I've told him- he needs to see the doctor- he needs to get off pain killers (including Advil)- he needs to eat better/start exercising, yada yada yada.
I realized that's it's been an entire YEAR since we went to the doctor and the doctor told him, his blood pressure was so high, and his weight too high as well- that he could die- any day-anytime- he's a ticking time bomb.
I cried in the office, and she told me alone in her office- Dave needs to change right away or else my babies won't have a father and I'll be planning a funeral.
That was an entire YEAR ago- since then he's gained and lost weight over and over again and gained more often than lost. Ending up right where he started.
He's tired all the time, cranky, snaps a lot. We never know what Dave's gonna say next.
I told him yesterday, I'm tired of hearing- he's gonna change- either he's going to - or he's not. I hate being lied to.
My mom does the exact same thing- tells me she's going to change.
My doctor says I need to give up hope. My parents will never change- because they don't WANT to.
Dave basically told me last night, that even though he made all these promises to me- they were empty because he had no intent on making these changes.
He also told me that if he doesn't feel- happy, angry or sad- then he feels numb.
A total bipolar thing to say by the way.
Bipolars feel things with the intensity of a five year old child.
They feel this feeling, be it mad, sad or happy- whether it's called for or not.
And everything in between is just pure boredom! Is nothingness! It's being numb!
After our long talk-
He was putting Violet to sleep in her crib- I asked him if he was going to sleep- it was only 8 P.M.
to which he replied "No, well I don't want to...but then again every time I tell you this I fall asleep. So I shouldn't say anything. But I'm not going to fall asleep".
Not but five minutes later- he was fast asleep and snoring.
I went on the computer for awhile-
but couldn't quiet my mind.
So I decided to take a few benadryl tablets- to knock myself the fuck out-
I got tired quick.
Of course just when Dave was waking up and wanting to talk to me.
This is how our lives work.
I passed out around 10 P.M. Really early for me-
had very pleasant and bizarre dreams- but not nightmares!!! YAY!
No one woke me up in the morning-
I got up by myself at 9:20 A.M.
Early for most of you guys and gals- late for me.
And that was AWESOME!!!
I had so much energy this morning,
which was great because Dave was still sick as was my mom.
Plus Violet didn't start her new school yet- she starts tomorrow.
I had so many many errands to run and I finally had some energy to do it!!!
I bought some food, a new mop, got quarters for the much need laundry, on and on.
When I got home I couldn't wait to try my brand new mop- that's when I realized I really need to have sex more often- well actually I realized that months and months ago- but this really cemented the idea.
When I realized that a new mop was exciting to me- yeah I NEED another hobby.
Violet and Levi had therapy, I mopped the entire house, made doctor appointments (breasts ultrasound- oh joy), then I took Violet to her sensory gym-
I stayed in the waiting room upstairs, while she had her therapy, and just listened to my headphones and read a magazine!
WOW! Is it my birthday??!!!!
I came home, to Dave cooking dinner!!!!
I thought maybe I was in the wrong home.
Something's different...will it last...who knows? Probably not more than a day- but I'll enjoy it while it lasts!
I go to school with Violet for her first day tomorrow!!!
Then of course we get home then go out again for her sensory gym.
Busy Busy bee- you know me.
Sorry to ramble- probably a bit manic- won't last long- so much energy- it's a very nice surprise.
So who thinks a video blog would be a good idea??
P.S. I REALLY REALLY need a girls night out!!! Who's with me???
I need to drink and dance- and forget every single worry I have- for just a few hours.
Where's my bitches at???!!!
P.P.S. (This is Dave) Uh... I WANT to say I'm usually more charming than these blogs make me sound... but THAT'S probably a lie too...sigh.