Wednesday, June 2, 2010

This coming Monday...

This coming Monday- my fate will be decided.
Monday I go to court- for the third time and yet again, without a lawyer.
I'm asking the judge for a settlement- a way out of my apartment.
Hopefully their lawyer can talk to them right then and there- and make us an offer.
Only two days after stopping antibiotics- I'm sick again! My throat hurts so badly.
I had to make a stand- this time- no more waiting for the landlord to make a move- I'm getting out and that's final. All that needs to be decided is how much we're getting.
I don't expect a lot- just enough to afford a move. I, most probably, won't be staying in the city because I can't afford to stay here; it's too expensive. Most likely we will be moving to Florida, near Dave's family.
I'm so depressed. Actually not as depressed as I could be- because my doctor has upped my medications. So yes, I'm in a daze and saddened by all the shit that's been happening to us- but that's way better than spiralling down a deep depression. My parents are really stressed out- and I'm worried about them.
My family comes first, and always before money. No amount of money is worth my children being sick all the time.
Dave has been looking for work, but no bites yet. He'll be looking for work in Florida soon.
Maybe I'll do photography again, for a living and put modeling aside for awhile.
I'd love to take children's photos or family portraits and maybe even some fashion shots as well.
Though female models- are a pain in the ass. I've always preferred male models- they're usually bursting with personality.
I used to take my male models out for a drink before a shoot to help them relax, because they were always nervous. This would always lead to a great and fun shoot. I've kept friendships with many of them.
I even had a beer- with one of them because I thought it would put him at ease. I don't usually drink beer- ever since I was sixteen years old and got FUCKED up on two 40 oz. beers I drank in fifteen minutes! This happened because my boy Marco, told me to do so. It was actually quite brilliant on his part- because I couldn't go near beer for so many years. To this day, the taste of beer nauseates me. But I drank it that day-with my old favorite male model. And we ended up having a blast of a shoot.
Sorry, getting back on topic- Monday- if no more postponements occur- will probably change my life forever.
I will miss all of my friends and family in New York a lot. Especially my daughter's therapists- they've been so wonderful to us- and have become part of the family. And I see them everyday- so I'm close with most of them.
Hey maybe I'd have a going away party????!
Any reason for a party, is a good one for me.

Love you all for listening to me and for your support,
Kisses my wonderful bitches!
*photo taken by me-from that day's shoot. SO much fun!


  1. I wish you didnt have to leave but I understand why this is the option you have. I wish I could have been of more help to you. I wish I could have found you a decent place in Brooklyn or Queens. I would definitely come to your party!

  2. I wish my gifts extended to psychically forcing court outcomes or being able to dream up some dirt on your landlord cause I'd do it in a heart beat.
    But instead I'll be doing what I can, sending all my energy your way Monday, and lighting a candle the night before.
    At least I have some family in Florida so if you move, maybe I can come visit once you've settled a bit.
    As far as a party, I wouldn't miss that for the world because NYC will be a poorer place without you...