I hate this. It gets in the way of things I need to be doing. I feel imprisoned by my own body. I haven't been able to work out or anything. This sucks!
Violet's been ill, and crying all night long for the past few nights. She's on a new medication to help her sleep- but it's done the opposite of that- we're going to stop giving it to her. I feel so bad for my baby girl.
Everything's going to shit here- and I'm trying to stay on top of everything. Plus I'm cutting down on my medications because one of them- that I've been on for seven years- might be causing some of my heart problems! I'm so nervous- my body doesn't know how to survive without this medication anymore- I'm trying to train it to do so- but it's difficult.
Dave went to the doctor yesterday and was put on blood pressure medication, because his blood pressure has been consistently high. I'm worried about him. Plus he has to lose weight AND lower his blood pressure in the next few weeks- to show the doctor he can control his blood pressure by losing weight. Dieting is very stressful, I know- I mean I've been to several eating disorder clinics in my lifetime, and was near killing myself several times due to starvation- so dieting is not my specialty to say the least. It's difficult watching Dave not take care of himself. I know he's trying, but it's so hard. I make healthy dinners, but I cannot be in control of everything he eats all the time. I don't want that job, I don't want to be the "bad guy" or the "food police" all the time. Dave has been lifting weights at night, which I'm very proud of. He even tried to do a work out video with me one night- he lasted five minutes- but those five minutes were rigorous! He has to take little baby steps when excercising so he doesn't give himself a heart attack! Eventually I want to trying running. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time. But obviously can't right now- Dave is so worried about me- he won't let me do any physical activity as of late. I hope my luck will change for the better really soon.
Love you all!
Kisses my darling Bitches!