What's been happening??!

I've been so busy- with doctor appointments, phone calls, packing and my kids' therapies-
I don't know what day it is anymore! I haven't been sleeping well for what seems like forever now!
Last week Dave went to the doctor- and was told he's at high risk for a stroke- because of his high weight and blood pressure.
This makes me very nervous- and this morning he tells me that he's feeling dizzy and lightheaded and feeling a lot of pressure in his head every time he moves!
This scares the shit out of me!
He's going to the doctor again today- around 4 p.m.
I was supposed to go to the breast surgeon this morning- but then found out because he left the medical group I was a part of, a week ago and where I had all my testing done, he now has no access to my test results or medical records.
So there's NO POINT to see him today. Oh joy!
Looks like I have to find ALL new doctors for both my husband and I and our children.
This is such a pain in the butt!
But maybe this will lead to better care? Who knows? Maybe I find the doctor to ALL doctors- you know what I mean?
Since my kids and I, and now Dave are at the doctor every single week!
I'm worried about my husband's health, I'm nervous (and excited) about moving, how the kids are going to react to our new home- all these worries are why I'm not sleeping well at night.
Levi is finally going to have his psychological evaluation next Tuesday at home!
Woohoo! I've only been waiting for this for several months now!
Everyday he's banging his head and having meltdowns all day long-
I can't wait to finally have a diagnosis already- so that my son can get ALL the therapy he needs to get better.
It has helped my daughter so much- and continues to help her to this very day.
I'm not sure if Levi has the exact same type of autism my daughter has, but I'll find out soon.
And knowing this brings me some much needed peace of mind.
My family and I have also been furniture shopping- this is NOT as much fun as it sounds!
It's exhausting. If we were rich- I'm POSITIVE this would be a lot more fun!!!
We also went mattress shopping.
Dave had a lot of fun doing this. Every bed felt so foreign to me- and uncomfortable- so I let him pick out what he wanted. We had to get a new bed since he broke our current bed. We needed something DURABLE and comfortable.
We took our kids to Macy's holiday department- and they were so excited!!! They LOVE Santa and Christmas movies!
So this was so amazing to them. Levi couldn't believe his eyes! And Violet reached for every ornament known to man!
It was so much fun!
This would be the first holiday season in DECADES- that we wouldn't be totally broke!
My kids have never experienced a really GREAT holiday season- where we get to go shopping and do all holiday related outings.
Christmas has been so hard for us in the past- we couldn't get the kids any presents or decorate- we had no money- not even to pay the bills.
Every holiday season was so depressing.
I've spent a few in mental hospitals int he past. So I've never really looked forward to the holidays- until now.
This is the FIRST holiday season I'm actually looking forward to.
Our luck seems to be getting better- and I cant wait to see all the good things that's going to happen.
I see our lives changing for the better- Finally!!!!

All this aside, I have been feeling my mood going up and down throughout the day- I'm very easily irritated, I'll be depressed one minute- very happy the next.
This new birth control pill I'm on- I don't know if it's helping me or not.
I feel like a hot air balloon! Just totally blown-up.
I don't know if I should stop this medication or just wait it out.
My mom told me- many years ago, she gained nearly 100 pounds on birth control pills! ( yes this was over 35 years old- but still!) This scared the shit out of me!
While I was pregnant with Violet I gained 120 pounds!! Yes, I started at weighing only 80 pounds- but STILL! That's a lot of weight.
I'm petrified!
Dave seems to be happy though- he LOVES when my ass and boobs grow. He was SO happy when I was nearly 200 pounds, pregnant with Violet. He's nuts!!!! But I appreciate his insanity very much.
But I am very thankful, I'm with a man that appreciates curves ( the bigger the better!) and never ever tells me to lose weight.
I've been having nightmares- that I want to be an actress (which I don't), and am going on auditions only to be told I'm FAT and ugly.
Fun right?!

AND my mom is also having a biopsy and sonogram done (this week and next) to make sure she doesn't have ovarian cancer.

Do you think this is enough to be worried about???!

That's what been happening so far-
Again, I'm so sorry that I haven't been writing as much. My book, has been put on a temporary hold right now. Until I move and get settled- then I'll continue writing. Actually then- I'll be more than happy to write!


Kisses Bitches!!!
PEACE!

*photo found on google- I thought this crazy holiday cat photo was appropriate.

I'm a nutrition freak.

This doesn't mean I'm a health freak. But I have read tons and tons of books and articles on nutrition. I've been obsessed with nutrition since I was a pre-teen in Junior High.
I have suffered from eating disorders plural- anorexia and bulimia- since I was 12 years old. I've been hospitalized for it twice. Both times were life changing. And I learned A LOT about nutrition from nutritionists in the hospital. One of the things I wanted to be when I grew up was a nutritionist. But I hated school and still do to this day.
I'm more for the unconventional approach to learning. Learning through living.
Even though I knew the right things to eat I was listening to what fashion magazines told me instead- to be skinny.
Being pregnant with Violet really changed my eating habits completely.
I now didn't eat to look a certain way- but to survive and have Violet thrive.
I have tried every "diet" out there and have learned not to diet ever again, but to only eat what I love.
One of the books I read that really changed my perspective about food was "Eat Fat". The book talks about the history of fat and explains that by actually eating what you like- when you like- you might even lose weight. Sounds insane right? But guess what- it's true. It's a brilliant book and I highly suggest it to any friend having problems with their weight and a history of eating disorders.
Another book that is changing my perspective about what I eat is a book I'm in the middle of reading now- "Real Food" by Nina Planck.
I'm loving this book and I want to read her second book about baby's first foods.
I highly recommend this book to anyone.
We live in a culture afraid of fat. Deathly afraid of it. Afraid of cholesterol, fat and calories. Afraid of eating, basically, and living too.
Eating is a pleasure- we don't eat purely to survive but to enjoy, to feel, to experience. And why not enjoy what you're eating- to love the food and feel good about eating it afterwards. No guilt attached to eating.
Eating has been called a guilty pleasure, which is ridiculous. Guilty and pleasure shouldn't be in the same sentence. Especially when it comes to eating.
I love wholefoods and the farmer's markets.
And I am broke- poor as fuck. But Wholefoods has their own brand of products and it's relatively cheap. I know doesn't sound believable but it's true.
Their meat and fish is often on sale as is their produce. I know the food is quality not just quantity. Which is important for poor folks like me feeding a big family of seven people.
Poor people, my people, are mostly fat. Why? Because we think we cannot afford the quality good foods that rich people eat freely. We buy very processed foods because they last- and they feed a lot of people for a low cost.
I've done it- bought crap just so my family could have food on the table. Being poor is a trap- believe me. But I'll get more into that at another time.
Fat or thin- I believe both can be healthy. Fat doesn't equal poor health. Nor does poor health equal fat.
I think it's long overdue that people change their perspectives about fat people.
First of all the word fat- shouldn't be considered bad or offensive. That needs to stop. When someone is offended by the word fat- it's probably because they are fat and they're ashamed of it.
I'm fat- and it's taken me a long time to be okay with that and not be looking to change that fact.
I've been extremely thin ( under 80 lbs.) and also fat ( 200 lbs.) in my lifetime thus far. And I can tell you- even though you get to fit into all the "cool" clothes-it doesn't make you happy. Especially when you're afraid of everything you put into your mouth.
I prefer eating full fat meals- bacon, steak, chicken with the skin on, and all deep fried foods. The thing is the meat is antibiotic free and grass-fed. The baked goods my family and I eat are made by me- I know what goes into it.
My cholesterol is excellent, sugar level- all of things the doctors test for is good.
Because of the foods I eat. If I lose weight or gain weight- that's not my concern. My concern is am I healthy?
My point is cool clothes can be made-and tailored to fit, quality food can be bought and feed a big family on a low budget, and guilt over food is unnecessary. You are beautiful no matter what size, 100 or 500 lbs. Be happy with yourself inside and out and see if that doesn't change your life completely.

This topic I will be talking way more about- but right now I have to get to playing with my children.

Thanks for listening I hope this helps you.

TTFN! ta ta for now, as tigger would say.