I put a curse on both your houses!

Today was hell!
I've been crying non stop for two days now like a little bitch!
Last week I found out Vivi and Lee have asthma and might both be diabetic. I also found out that a nodule on my daughters neck was growing and becoming firm. So the doctor referred us to a pediatric oncologist (cancer doctor). That's where I went today, no thanks to the ambulette that was supposed to take us to her appointment, but instead kicked us out. Dave wanted to kill the driver. Instead I went all...what did Dave call it again? Oh yea. All "old testament" on him and the company's houses. In short, I told them to pray for their souls, and that if anything happens to my daughter, their names are the first I'll mention to god at the gate to punish. I had them shitting themselves. Yeah I went all Gypsy fucking queen on their ass. Fucking put a curse on all their houses. I'm nice to a point, you have to remember, I am bipolar and nothing is as sweet as revenge.
The oncologist recommended she go for an ultrasound next week, and after we'll decide what step to take next.
We also have to go see an immunologist and genetic specialist. The doctors felt that something is very wrong, My kids and I should not being this sick all the time and they ACTUALLY want to get to the bottom of it!
Hallelujah!!!!!
Finally!!!!
It only took, what? TWO FUCKING YEARS! And my whole fucking lifetime!
Let's hope they find out what's really wrong, and how we can treat it and finally get better! Healthier!
If only a doctor had spent more than five minutes with us!
These doctors were great, the nurses were too. It was so kid friendly there. I saw babies getting treated for cancer, while watching their favorite shows. There was also a clown, who gave Violet stickers. Violet also punched Dora the explorer in the face, but that's part isn't a big deal;)
Dora is okay, she's plastic!
We did hurt her feelings though.

So let's play catch up shall we-
Lee and Vi- sick sick sick
My dad- prostate cancer
Me- sick sick sick
Dave- sick and won't go to the doctor.
Kayla- still lightheaded
My mom- depressed

Ain't life GRAND?!

Kisses Bitches!
Don't be a fucker and make me put a curse on your house too;)

F*CK BREASTS!

Some of you may know and some may not-
I had a biopsy of a lump in my breast a few months before I get pregnant with Violet.
It was benign, thank goodness.
But that day...waiting for the results- was one of the worst days of my life.
And I never wanted to go through that ever again.
At that point I decided I wanted a full mastectomy ( having both breasts fully removed). A lot of my friends and family felt that was way too drastic a decision to make at such a young age- 25 years old.
Every doctor told me- I may want kids someday and want to breastfeed.
Let me just say this- I've had two kids and with both kids found it incredibly difficult to breastfeed- it was torture everyday till I decided to stop.
I STILL wish I'd had a full mastectomy done.
My back story-
I developed at a very very very young age. I had boobs- size B by the time I was in fifth grade! Which is insane and made me very self-conscience about my body- boys looked at me differently. I didn't have a kid's body anymore.
During High School- through the help of my gay friends-who definitely appreciate big boobs- they helped me be happy with them. But after high school and with my eating disorders my boobs went way up and waaaaaaaay down- double A cup.
I prefer my body with little- to no boobs. I do- I feel awkward with my boobs. Especially since the biopsy- I feel like any day I could get another lump- and have them removed. So I no longer feel attached to my boobs.
I haven't met many people that understand my way of thinking- except for breast cancer survivors and their family members.
The doctors I went to try to get my boobs removed would not do it unless I was diagnosed with cancer. Which is crazy because it can happen- there's no guarantee that it won't happen. Having them removed before the fact could save money- on doctor's visits and surgery and chemo in the long run. But all the doctors I saw were afraid to do it because they thought I'd change my mind and sue them.
I tried to explain to them the type of person I am- that when I make a decision- that's it. Like with my tatts- I had done at age 16 and 17- I don't like the way they look- they look cheap and warped- but I'm not getting them removed nor am I ashamed of them- they're a part of me forever.
So basically the decision I've come to in my life- F*CK BREASTS! F*ck doctors.
I know what's right for my body and my mind- they don't and never ever will.