Friday, October 23, 2009


Some of you may know and some may not-
I had a biopsy of a lump in my breast a few months before I get pregnant with Violet.
It was benign, thank goodness.
But that day...waiting for the results- was one of the worst days of my life.
And I never wanted to go through that ever again.
At that point I decided I wanted a full mastectomy ( having both breasts fully removed). A lot of my friends and family felt that was way too drastic a decision to make at such a young age- 25 years old.
Every doctor told me- I may want kids someday and want to breastfeed.
Let me just say this- I've had two kids and with both kids found it incredibly difficult to breastfeed- it was torture everyday till I decided to stop.
I STILL wish I'd had a full mastectomy done.
My back story-
I developed at a very very very young age. I had boobs- size B by the time I was in fifth grade! Which is insane and made me very self-conscience about my body- boys looked at me differently. I didn't have a kid's body anymore.
During High School- through the help of my gay friends-who definitely appreciate big boobs- they helped me be happy with them. But after high school and with my eating disorders my boobs went way up and waaaaaaaay down- double A cup.
I prefer my body with little- to no boobs. I do- I feel awkward with my boobs. Especially since the biopsy- I feel like any day I could get another lump- and have them removed. So I no longer feel attached to my boobs.
I haven't met many people that understand my way of thinking- except for breast cancer survivors and their family members.
The doctors I went to try to get my boobs removed would not do it unless I was diagnosed with cancer. Which is crazy because it can happen- there's no guarantee that it won't happen. Having them removed before the fact could save money- on doctor's visits and surgery and chemo in the long run. But all the doctors I saw were afraid to do it because they thought I'd change my mind and sue them.
I tried to explain to them the type of person I am- that when I make a decision- that's it. Like with my tatts- I had done at age 16 and 17- I don't like the way they look- they look cheap and warped- but I'm not getting them removed nor am I ashamed of them- they're a part of me forever.
So basically the decision I've come to in my life- F*CK BREASTS! F*ck doctors.
I know what's right for my body and my mind- they don't and never ever will.


  1. Does it run un the family? I mean I would assume if it did the doctors would be more understanding. Im sure there is an advocacy program form women that may help you in getting it done. I for one know youve wanted this done for such a long time and I fully support you. I know if there was a very good chance of devolping it then heck yes, you should take the precaution if you truly want to.

  2. Thank you so much Natalia! You're such a great friend.
    And yes it does run in the family.
    Thank you for understanding and always being there for me.
    Love you!