Facing my demons

Some days are a LOT harder than others.  Posting selfies is a lot harder than  it looks for people like me. Especially during certain dark times.
This #selflovebootcamp is kicking my assand has become a huge trigger for me and all my insecurities, my hurt and past traumas.
  I know though this is actually something I NEED TO FACE AND GO THROUGH its just extremely difficult. I admit I was starving myself again.  It was doing nothing to change my weight really,  since I have hashimotos disease, and am going through menopause ( due to a full hysterectomy and hormones not working), and medication, the list goes on, I'm mostly in a wheelchair.

I'm FORCING myself to EAT an apple right now and oatmeal this morning literally forced it down my throat.
Every time I think I've got this recovery thing down, it's tricked me.
And then I have to take a good hard look at myself and say is this what I want my kids to see???
And go through themselves? ??
I want them to be confident, strong, never doubt how beautiful  they are INSIDE and OUTSIDE!
Yet here I am, the hypocrite.
I'm crying several times a day.
Facing many of my demons-
Bipolar disorder
Body dysmorphia
Eating disorder
depression
anxiety
chronic illnesses
autism
adhd
mom
On and on

Trying to be the BEST MOMMY I CAN BE!
Pouring FROM THE MOST EMPTY CUP EVER!

I am facing my fears head  on and I am terrified.
But So glad I am doing this.
I am glad I'm forcing myself to eat.
And facing my "demons".

Are you going through something similar?

Listen to the beat

Sometimes you just need to let go of everything-not easy usually but when I can it's through music.
One of my coping mechanisms is music-listening,  singing,  and used to be dancing.
I'm trying to find my way back to the things I used to find joy in.
Creative things- painting,  drawing -I can't seem to have the attention span for these things yet.

Possibly I'll start gaming again.
My kids seem to want me to join in.

I'll watch movies sometimes.
But music is always the way to my soul.
It's houses memories, cries of sadness and joy.

So here's a pic of me rocking out on my couch, to go with this  random blog update to get me into the swing of things.