Swallowtail

Another butterfly hatched yesterday...so this happened.

I now have such a deep love for swallowtail butterflies, and have to be present for each hatching.

They always come back to say hello again and again.

It's a beautiful thing.

I feel such a deep connection with them.💙💙

I know this is probably my first pic of my side neck tattoo.
It was done in my kitchen when I was 16, Not by a professional.
Definitely  a manic moment of mine.
It came out terrible and then I had an allergic reaction to the cream so all the colors bleed out.
It never looked right. It was SUPPOSED to be a fairy.
I have a long time obsession with fairies, especially Brian froud fairies (the dark crystal is on my arm, but not complete)

I've always known I would one day have it covered but never knew with what (plus in NYC tatts are super expensive- now that I've moved I have a lot more options!!😊 for mah poor ass)
Now I know I want swallowtail butterflies,  realistic ones flying across my neck.

The butterflies have become a symbol of my rebirth my metamorphosis into the new phase of my life.  My truer self hopefully.
As an Aquarius I'm always unpredictable and evolving.

So I surprise myself at times.
I'm always on to the next style, next fashion, next thing etc.

Dinosaur Party

Happy 10th birthday, Violet!!!!(she's on the left)
Dinosaur party time! You light up my life everyday and every night. You have taught me, continue to teach me how to grow as a person, to love and be loved.
I will never be able to repay you enough.
I thank you for choosing me as your parent and as your student in life.
I promise to always continue to listen to you and try to understand you in the best way I possibly can and not only be your mom but your advocate in life - to fight for your rights as a human being
You are a beautiful beautiful beautiful soul.
You forever inspire me to be a BETTER mom, sister, daughter, friend, human.
I will forever be thankful for you and to you.

As I always tell you everyday and night-

I love you more than the moon, the stars and the sky.

Happy happy happy birthday my love.

Anti-Cool: the Movement

I came up with this notion a few years back.
Back then I called it My Revolution, now it's more a movement really.
Anti-cool: basically doing everything in your power to be NOT cool. Meaning whatever society finds beautiful, or accepting- do the opposite. Not for them- but for yourself.
After being in the fashion industry for over tens years- I've learned a lot.
Mainly how I don't "fit" in.
I was always too __________ (fill in the blank).
Too tattooed. Too out-there. Or the opposite happened- I wasn't tattooed ENOUGH. I wasn't strange enough. Very bizarre. And things change from minute to minute.
What was "in" one season was "out" the next. The fashion industry is very wishy-washy.
And it was always so frustrating for me. Do they want me to look like this?? or that??? I never knew- and I was always wrong.
So about two years ago- I gave up all together- I decided whatever they wanted me to look like- I as going to do the opposite. So I dyed my hair green, shaved off my eyebrows, purposely bought outrageously weird looking eyeglasses- the whole deal. I dressed awkward. You name it. And believe me every time I shaved my head- there were many people that found it unappealing and told me so- on the street- to let me know how WRONG I was. Same thing when I was heavily pierced, people told me on the street how ugly I was. I don't know why they felt the NEED to tell me this- but whatever- no biggie. I used to take it to heart, and be upset- now I learned to take it as a compliment. If they DON'T like it- then I'm doing something RIGHT.
I kind of lost my focus on my anti-cool movement, since I was pregnant with Levi.
Now I'm feeling the focus coming back to me now.
I've been on so many casting calls in my days- and rejected, rejected, rejected.
It wears a person down. And the jobs I do get aren't usually the ones I'm pining over.
Everything I do- I'm told will ruin my career- to that I say- the job I get for looking the way I WANT- will be a life changer, for sure. That's the job I want.
So many things have been happening to me physically. And I find there are days I want to be invisible. And if there were a way- I'd use it. The thing I found be trying to be ugly- by societies standards- does make a person as close to invisible as possible. strange I know, but people don't like to look at "the ugly", people are usually attracted to the "beautiful". Whatever that may mean.
It means different things to different people.
In my neighbor, nearly everyone is a yuppie. They're children are brats usually.
So the minute I step out the door- I know I'm already hated. For having tattoos on my neck, for being different in any way. I'm thought of as lower class, and treated as such. That's why I find more comfort at the ghetto playgrounds, with my kids- because I feel we're all equal. We're all poor and don't have nannies, or cooks, or maids.
I'm feeling very anti-cool at the moment. Especially with my hair falling out and my body falling a part. I really do want to be invisible. I feel things would be a lot easier.
I'm not going to get the part of the mom in a commercial anyway- or the part of the tattooed chick. So fuck it- let's do this already.
Let me know you're feelings on the movement- let's make it one. Fuck the MAN. Fuck society. Just FUCK IT!


Kisses Bitches!

*photo of Violet a few months old- with onesie designed by me- my Anti-cool Baby!!!