An almost nervous breakdown

I went to court yesterday, without a lawyer, because I was having a hard time finding one that would take the case.
Spent half the day there...to come out with nothing.
I'm still seeking a lawyer. My sister went to the epilepsy clinic today, to find out she may be having seizures throughout the night! Which is why she wakes up in a daze. I'm terrified. All I keep picturing is when I thought she was dead and not breathing. I'm so scared. Plus now my son seems to be having seizures as well, as of two nights ago.
I hate this fucking apartment!
So yeah, now my sister will have to stay in the hospital for three days next week. Her and I are never apart, so I'm going to be totally losing it.
And Levi will have to do the same thing Violet had done in the hospital.
In the midst of all this, I'm really really ill, and have no time to get better. I didn't even have time to see the doctor today.
Dave has to go to food stamps yet again, because they closed our case AGAIN. Saying they mailed us things they never ever did. Why are poor people ALWAYS fucked with?!
Levi's also in the middle of evaluations from several different types of therapists.
Because he is experiencing many delays. Which means he'll be getting hours of therapy a week as well.
And on top of that, I'm trying to make sure everyone's eating what they are supposed to be eating, since I have three diabetics here (Dave and my dad) and another(my sister) who NEEDS sugar, constantly I have to make sure her blood sugar doesn't get low because that also leads to her having seizures.
It all came tumbling down on me today. Like it all of a sudden hit me- all the pressure, and stress.
I just laid down on the floor crying to myself. The whole time trying to pull myself together.
So it wasn't a full meltdown, because believe me I've had quite a few of those in the past.
I just feel like this is TOO much. Too much for me to possibly handle, but I have to, there's no choice.
I've got to do a million and two things in the next few weeks. and I can't even get myself better.
ARGH!!!!
I NEED a miracle RIGHT NOW!!!!
God?! Anyone???



Hopefully a miracle is on it's way!!!


More to come.

Yesterday was a long day.

Yesterday was a very long day.
Violet got sick from the hospital, and later that day got a fever and a bad sinus infection. She felt horrible.
I was able to get an emergency appointment with her doctor. Levi had an appointment the same day, because I needed a form for WIC to be filled out by their doctor.
Violet got high dose antibiotics, and Levi got a check up as well.
I've been saying to many many people, that I feel Levi is not where he's supposed to be developmentally. And still, even after everything I've been through with Violet, people still think I'm paranoid. I've also been noticing Levi's left eye going in a totally different direction than his right eye.
So the doctor, looked at him, asked me many questions, and saw what I saw.
He told me to contact Early intervention (the services my daughter gets) for Levi to get evaluated RIGHT AWAY. I hadn't even mentioned to him at that point, that I felt he was behind.
He told me Levi also had a lazy left eye. And that everything I've been feeling was spot on.
This doctor is our family doctor. Dave also sees him. The doctor asked me why Dave hasn't come for a follow up to his physical? I asked him if Dave was diabetic. The doctor said "Yes".
And then told me, how he's sure Dave wants to be around for me and the kids and he has to change his ways now, if he wants to be able to be around for us.
It was quite a shock for Dave, when we got home and I told him the news.
So now he's way more serious about getting healthy, thank goodness.
Man, my family's been having it rough. Just tonight Violet puked. She feels terrible.
I feel terrible that my kids are sick all the time. And now I find out, what Dave and I have thought for years, is true. There is mold in my apartment, and that's definitely making us sick.
I wish we could get out of here so badly. I want the best for my kids and I feel like I'm not giving it to them by being in this apartment. I hope the landlord makes a huge turnaround, and offers a juicy buyout. I would move to a place with a backyard, where I can have a garden, know my neighbors.
Here's to wishing. Anyone know an affordable lawyer?? Or at least a lawyer that works pro-bono???

Let me know!!!!

Kisses my beautiful and crazy bitches!!!