Tuesday, September 6, 2011


THIS SUCKS!!! Dave's family calls me "hot feet", because I can never stay sitting down. I'm always moving, cleaning, cooking, running after my kids, doing laundry, etc. etc. etc. There's always something that must be done- and I ALWAYS feel it needs to be done right this very minute.
I'm a perfectionist, I don't believe people can do things, the way I need them done.
Yes, this could just be a "mom thing" or it could be the truth.
When I do things, it's quicker and more efficient.
I probably have major O.C.D. when it comes to my house, and the way I like things to be done.
Either way, I end up paying for being on my feet constantly.
I pay for it in PAIN.
Contractions, cramping, swollen legs, pain in joints and bones. I know, It's SO MUCH FUCKING FUN RIGHT?!
Yeah, I know I'm just ranting- but I just gotta let some steam out.
Plus this shitty weather isn't helping. It's just making me super depressed and increasing the pain I'm in.
It's hard for me to just sit back, and let everyone else do all the chores in the house.
I feel exhausted all the time, and usually don't want to get up out of bed, but of course I do end up getting out of bed because there's so much that needs to be done on a daily basis.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm super happy I'm pregnant. I've wanted this baby for a long time.
And I'm very thankful to God for letting me have this baby.
It's just the ten agonizing months of pain, that have me ranting and raving.
Plus I'm so hungry! But I can barely eat because of the nausea. And I get full super quick.
Sometimes I feel like I'm stuffing my face just to get food in my stomach!
After three bites, I'm physically full, but still SO HUNGRY.
It totally eerily reminds me of my old eating disorder days, mainly the bingeing days of yore.
I HATE those days with a passion. And anytime I feel like I'm doing it again, I feel like I'm spiraling.
Being off my medications doesn't help this feeling at all.
A few doctors have told me, I have to get on some Bipolar medications because I can start to severely deteriorate during this pregnancy and it can be very dangerous for me.
I feel so torn, my doctor is afraid to put me on any meds for fear of harming the baby.
My baby is my main concern, and I feel guilty if I put her at risk so that I'm stable.
Some days are better than others. Yesterday I was kinda happy. I even baked a fresh banana bread ( I used to bake all the time).
I made fresh lentil soup, minestrone soup- you name it I'm cooking and baking it.
Plus I'm LOVING spicy foods. And my baby ain't disagreeing with me.
HA! Maybe she's going to be a chef or a baker? Who knows!

That's all for now.

Kisses Bitches,
Love your main Bitch!

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