MOVING- the ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE!!! Part one

Hey guys and gals!!
I know it's been awhile-
but things have been madness!
If I wasn't in Brooklyn right now- as I told my family yesterday- I would've committed myself to an institution. No joke, I've done it before- well not really committed myself- more like OTHERS had me committed. But this time it would be voluntary!!!
Oh my goodness this week was one of the WORST ever!!!
Saturday was moving day for my kids, Dave and I.
Karen showed up in the morning with a u-haul truck.
And almost NOTHING WAS PACKED!!!
My parents had left their ENTIRE room and closets for ME to pack that fucking morning!!!
My mom has been suffering from depression for a long time now- but this past week, was one of her worst ever.
So nothing was getting done.
Dave and I only got about one hour worth of sleep before we got up and starting packing again and moving boxes and boxes of SHIT!
Plus- we weren't moving any furniture-
We hired Karen's cousin, son and his friend to help us move.
God bless them they were awesome!!!
The landlord (of my old building) KNEW we were moving Saturday- but apparently "forgot" to tell us moving wasn't allowed on weekends in our building (why??Only god knows at this point!)
So we were moving things- and then BAM!!
We were told we weren't allowed to use the front door- we would have to go out the service entrance- with very heavy boxes up and down creaky old metal stairs!!! YEAH, a nightmare!!!
My asshole corrupt super- I swear, is the son of the devil at this point- but way way way more stupid- shut down the elevator!!! Wait...get this...with Dave still inside!!!!
What a bitch?! Right?!
Dave then presses the fire alarm and Karen calls the cops- because at this point our stupid freaking asshole super is STOPPING us from MOVING!!! Totally ILLEGAL!!!!
The cops arrive and Karen and Dave are talking to them, then they talk to our super.
Dave tells me I should talk to the cops- why? I have no idea.
I see the cops talking to the super- and he's talking about pressing charges- against...ME!
The cops start talking to me, without the super there.
They automatically HATE my guts- again, why? I have no clue.
I started crying at this point because I was so stressed. Everyone was yelling at me, both my parents screaming at me on the phone- because apparently- whatever I was doing- packing the entire apartment- wasn't good enough. And my mom was MAD at me. All this craziness didn't make any type of sense whatsoever!
I was crazed at this point!
I start crying while telling the cops I have two autistic kids waiting for me to come to our new home in Brooklyn, they're with my mom, sister and father at our new place.
They start saying that if our super presses charges...for wait it...TRESPASSING!! In my OWN APARTMENT?!!!!
I would be arrested right then and there!!!
I was so confused!!!
This was madness!!!
At this point I didn't even care- I was going to be arrested!
The first call I would make is to the papers- saying- they were arresting a disabled person (me!), mother of TWO autistic kids- for....TRESPASSING in her OWN FUCKING APARTMENT!!!
Our super "decided" not to press charges and somehow I HAD TO PAY $50!! To the guy working the service elevator ( a really nice guy) because our super shut down the fucking ELEVATORS!!!
I fucking LOATHE this piece of shit guy!!!
Meanwhile he's a fucking criminal- and was "for some reason" in the office the previous night, at midnight with his wife "clearing out papers"...hummmmm sounds fishy right??? What a fucking crook.
After all that- I'm crying in my mom's room trying to finish packing, sobbing my brains out- my mom screaming at me- for almost being arrested.
This is how she deals with stress.
I couldn't take it at that point.
Thank god I have kids- because I would've fucking killed myself right there.
I'm bipolar-HELLO! I have my breaking point!
We had FINALLY gotten everything packed and filled the truck to the brim with boxes.
My dad had to come back to Manhattan to stay in our near empty apartment, so the super wouldn't change our locks! My parents weren't gonna get the check from the landlord until Monday morning and we wanted to make fucking sure they fucking got that fucking CHECK already!!!
I couldn't wait for this day to be over already!!!
We got stuck in traffic for a long while- and then arrived at our new place. PHEW!
Then we had to carry all the boxes up a flight of stairs yet again.
We were all dead at this point. Beyond dead- we were ZOMBIES!
Mom, Kayla, and the kids were happy to see me an I was so happy to see them.
Dave was in so much pain from all the heavy lifting.
Dave took a shower for the first time in our new home. The drain was clogged and all this grime and shit came up from the drain- EWWW!
This was the start to everything falling a part on us. This is officially the movie "The Money Pit!!!!"
Our window is broken, the washing machine wasn't installed correctly- so we had a flood yesterday from the washing machine, and so did the dentist's office underneath us.
All this wasn't our fault. Our new landlord hired very cheap construction workers, who didn't do a good job. So everything here is done half fast.
Man, I love this place- but I really want to own a home already so I never have to deal with a landlord ever again.
The grill that was left here- fell apart because apparently it was made over a million years ago.
Just fell into DUST!!!
Crazy, right?!
The shower head popped off in the middle of a shower last night hosing the bathroom down. Oy Vey!!!
The garbage guys screamed at me yesterday morning telling me, I was going to get a summons for all the garbage!
Everyone was biting my head off, including Dave.
We were fighting, I was just DONE! DONE with everything.
I was going to go food shopping for thanksgiving yesterday..until Dave lost the debit card!!! And we had to shut down the account. So thanksgiving was going to be cancelled!
I was beyond my breaking point- I was losing my fucking mind.
I hate crying and that's all I've been doing for almost 5 days already!!!
Thank God we were able to get a little out of the account- to at least buy some food today.
Karen's going to pick me up and we're going to get some food for tomorrow.

****I wrote all the above, this morning. So much has happened since then!****

-Dave thought he was dying (panic attack)
-The construction workers lied to our landlord telling him we're so many people living here- like 10 people!!
-I had a panic attack
-I was ready to kill myself

Just listing a few things that happened today- so my blog isn't 40 pages.

Much more to come...
Nervous fucking breakdown number 568 happened today! But who's keeping track, right?

Kisses Bitches!!!
Hoping everyone, including me, has a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!!

lots of love and hugs to all!!!

Starting...

Started moving boxes and furniture up to the new place today.
We only get maybe an hour or two a day to pack because of the kids.
I have no one to watch them- and if I turn my back for a second- they are trying to kill each other!
Plus Lee and Vi hate the sound of me taping the boxes shut! They scream!!
Both my parents are kind of losing their minds- they are both completely fried mentally- due to the big move.
Last night was rough- the migraines had finally taken their toll on me.
I could barely move- because I was gonna pass out! I tried to walk- bad idea!!!
There was this intense pressure in my head and I couldn't think straight!
These hormone pills and thyroid problems are going to be the death of me for sure!
Plus I think the medications are putting me in heat or something. I didn't even THINK it was possible for me to want sex more often- but I was wrong!
This with the packing- no of course we're not done!- moving- my kids trying to kill each other- the migraines- the arguing- the stress.
BOOM! My head is gonna explode-
oh wait- I'm suppose to think positive-
Everything will be getting better!!!!!

Woohoo- very short blog post.
BTW- I thought I'd just put this out there.
Marriage is....(you fill in the blank).

For me Marriage is ...when each time you roll over in bed, your husband farts in your face in his sleep.
That's marriage.
I'll leave you with this thought for now!
Muahahhahahahahhahaha!


Kisses Bitches!

Where mah bitches at?!

This week has been nuts!
There were a few high points though- one being able to meet up with a few of my girlies that I haven't seen in nearly a year!
We had a beautiful dinner at Lima's Taste (the most amazing restaurant EVER!!!) this past weekend.
It was nice just being out with the girls, no boyfriends or husbands allowed- for some much needed girl time.
I rarely ever get to go out (I have neither time nor money to do so). My schedule is super busy with two special needs kids and moving to Brooklyn.
I've been suffering from severe migraines- they NEVER go away.
I had one that very day I went out to meet my chicas- but nothing was going to stop me from being there- we had scheduled this night over a month ago and nothing was going to get in the way of that.
Thanks to one of my very good friends I saw that night (shout out to Natalia!!), I've been trying to think more positively again (shout out to "The Secret").
On Sunday I was able to bring my kids, Dave and my sister to FINALLY see our new home!!!
They all LOVED IT!!! Both Lee and Vivi were exploring the whole place with a huge grin on their face.
This totally made my day! I know it'll be a very big change for them, but after awhile, I think they will love it even more than the home we live in currently.
That very day I was on my third day of this continuous migraine marathon- we were in McDonald's ( my kids favorite place to chow down) and I felt like I was gonna puke right then and there! Like a drunk!!!
Luckily I was able to control myself and put some delicious goodness in my belly- and I felt tons better- still had a migraine but didn't want to puke! So that was a win for me!
Right now at this very moment- I have a migraine, I'm trying to will it away.
Because no medication known to man- works on my migraines.
I think I need....... LOTS OF MONEY!!! AND SEX!!! AND humm...what else do I want and need???
Let me think....
Anyways- I got off topic.
I feel things will be getting better- and I pray things will be getting better.
BTW I changed my birth control medication again, and I'm crossing my fingers that this will make me feel tons better and hopefully fast.
I've been so super exhausted lately- I've been NAPPING!!! For those of you who know me well- know that I HATE napping during the day!!!
I wake up not knowing what day or time it is. Like I've woken up from a coma!
My thyroid is down and my hormone levels all over the fucking place-
I can't wait to get settled in our new place- and start feeling better again!!!
Levi had his psychological evaluation this morning and will probably be diagnosed with P.D.D. for now- later on maybe in a year or two- this diagnosis may become autism- like with my daughter.
I can't wait to get out of this toxic environment- mold, mildew, rust, you name it-
And start living life again!


Wish us luck!!!
I pray for all of you an abundance of health, wealth, happiness and love always!

P.S. I gave Levi a haircut yesterday, he looks so cute- but he screamed all the way through the haircut like I was killing him (which of course I wasn't). My son is a bit dramatic.

Kisses Bitches!!!


*photo of Levi with his hair cut very short. I think he looks so cute and super handsome!!
In this photo, I feel like he's totally saying with a swagger- "Hey, How you doin?"

What's been happening??!

I've been so busy- with doctor appointments, phone calls, packing and my kids' therapies-
I don't know what day it is anymore! I haven't been sleeping well for what seems like forever now!
Last week Dave went to the doctor- and was told he's at high risk for a stroke- because of his high weight and blood pressure.
This makes me very nervous- and this morning he tells me that he's feeling dizzy and lightheaded and feeling a lot of pressure in his head every time he moves!
This scares the shit out of me!
He's going to the doctor again today- around 4 p.m.
I was supposed to go to the breast surgeon this morning- but then found out because he left the medical group I was a part of, a week ago and where I had all my testing done, he now has no access to my test results or medical records.
So there's NO POINT to see him today. Oh joy!
Looks like I have to find ALL new doctors for both my husband and I and our children.
This is such a pain in the butt!
But maybe this will lead to better care? Who knows? Maybe I find the doctor to ALL doctors- you know what I mean?
Since my kids and I, and now Dave are at the doctor every single week!
I'm worried about my husband's health, I'm nervous (and excited) about moving, how the kids are going to react to our new home- all these worries are why I'm not sleeping well at night.
Levi is finally going to have his psychological evaluation next Tuesday at home!
Woohoo! I've only been waiting for this for several months now!
Everyday he's banging his head and having meltdowns all day long-
I can't wait to finally have a diagnosis already- so that my son can get ALL the therapy he needs to get better.
It has helped my daughter so much- and continues to help her to this very day.
I'm not sure if Levi has the exact same type of autism my daughter has, but I'll find out soon.
And knowing this brings me some much needed peace of mind.
My family and I have also been furniture shopping- this is NOT as much fun as it sounds!
It's exhausting. If we were rich- I'm POSITIVE this would be a lot more fun!!!
We also went mattress shopping.
Dave had a lot of fun doing this. Every bed felt so foreign to me- and uncomfortable- so I let him pick out what he wanted. We had to get a new bed since he broke our current bed. We needed something DURABLE and comfortable.
We took our kids to Macy's holiday department- and they were so excited!!! They LOVE Santa and Christmas movies!
So this was so amazing to them. Levi couldn't believe his eyes! And Violet reached for every ornament known to man!
It was so much fun!
This would be the first holiday season in DECADES- that we wouldn't be totally broke!
My kids have never experienced a really GREAT holiday season- where we get to go shopping and do all holiday related outings.
Christmas has been so hard for us in the past- we couldn't get the kids any presents or decorate- we had no money- not even to pay the bills.
Every holiday season was so depressing.
I've spent a few in mental hospitals int he past. So I've never really looked forward to the holidays- until now.
This is the FIRST holiday season I'm actually looking forward to.
Our luck seems to be getting better- and I cant wait to see all the good things that's going to happen.
I see our lives changing for the better- Finally!!!!

All this aside, I have been feeling my mood going up and down throughout the day- I'm very easily irritated, I'll be depressed one minute- very happy the next.
This new birth control pill I'm on- I don't know if it's helping me or not.
I feel like a hot air balloon! Just totally blown-up.
I don't know if I should stop this medication or just wait it out.
My mom told me- many years ago, she gained nearly 100 pounds on birth control pills! ( yes this was over 35 years old- but still!) This scared the shit out of me!
While I was pregnant with Violet I gained 120 pounds!! Yes, I started at weighing only 80 pounds- but STILL! That's a lot of weight.
I'm petrified!
Dave seems to be happy though- he LOVES when my ass and boobs grow. He was SO happy when I was nearly 200 pounds, pregnant with Violet. He's nuts!!!! But I appreciate his insanity very much.
But I am very thankful, I'm with a man that appreciates curves ( the bigger the better!) and never ever tells me to lose weight.
I've been having nightmares- that I want to be an actress (which I don't), and am going on auditions only to be told I'm FAT and ugly.
Fun right?!

AND my mom is also having a biopsy and sonogram done (this week and next) to make sure she doesn't have ovarian cancer.

Do you think this is enough to be worried about???!

That's what been happening so far-
Again, I'm so sorry that I haven't been writing as much. My book, has been put on a temporary hold right now. Until I move and get settled- then I'll continue writing. Actually then- I'll be more than happy to write!


Kisses Bitches!!!
PEACE!

*photo found on google- I thought this crazy holiday cat photo was appropriate.

We signed the LEASE!!

WOOHOO! Finally!!!
Brooklyn- here I come!
We only have two weeks to move. That's a lot of stress.
We're trying to get rid of more and more things everyday.
My whole family and I look forward to decorating.
These past few years have been very stressful and chaotic.
I hoping this is the beginning of great things coming our way!
We're going to Brooklyn tomorrow to show my kids the neighborhood.
I'm so excited to share this with them.
I haven't decided if I'm keeping the doctors we have here, or changing them to ones closer to where we'll be living.
I mean, I have SO many!
I still have my breast surgeon appointment next week- not looking forward to that one.
My left breast still bothers me, but I do feel the birth control pills the doc put me on, has been helping some of the pain so far.
Levi has been losing his mind for the past few days.
He has a double ear infection- yeah- lots of pain.
I can't wait to have that psychological evaluation for him done already- with all the head banging, and tantrums and mood swings- I know the diagnosis already.
I'm just waiting for early intervention to realize this.
All his therapists- see what I'm talking about- and know that he needs way more help than what he's getting now.
Violet has been very happy in her new school- I'm happy to say!
I'm so tired all the time lately- just exhausted- I hope this is just due to all the stress I'm under right now.
I do feel listening to angry chicks yelling- is really helping me right now.
Angry chick music like The Pretty Reckless.
Taylor Momsen- seems like a brat- but I really like her music and voice.
Definitely reminds me of early "Hole".
What ever happened to angry chick music??? Did Chicks get less angry??? huh?
Not the ones I KNOW!
I definitely think if I ever went back into music- I'd be a "The Pretty Reckless"/ "Gossip"/ "Uffie" mix.
That's one of my many many dreams.
Performing has always been my number one dream.
ah well, I have way too much shit to do everyday- cook, clean, take the kids to doctor appointments, therapy appointments, run errands, watch television, sleep, eat- ya know- I'm totally swamped! ;)
I actually really am very busy.
Maybe one day - I'll get to live my dream.
Till then I just rather get some sleep.

This blog- was short and basically has no point to it-
And that's how I'll leave it for today.
Kisses Bitches!!!!


*photo of me- yes BEFORE kids- photo taken by a old friend of mine. I totally think this would be an awesome punk rock chick look, don't you?

So many changes- so little time

So many things are changing right now.

It's nearing the end of the year- and everything in my life is about to change.
I mentioned before that I'm looking for a new apartment and will be moving no later than November of this year.
I'm looking in Brooklyn, Queens and Manhattan.
I've contacted so many realty companies- only to find out that apartments are...get this...cheaper in Manhattan! I was blown away by this.
Moving for my family and I isn't easy- for several reasons-
One- Big family- with several disabilities. My mom can't live in a walk up, there has to be an elevator.
And yes- we are moving together- not separately.
I help take care (cook, clean, etc) of my whole family- this is how we function. We don't function well apart  from each other. Plus my mom and sis help a lot with my kids.
Two- Violet would need all new therapists and a new sensory gym- same for Levi. This is a huge problem.
It's a ton of work. It's nearly taken me two years to get the right therapists for Violet- but they all can't travel far. I also might be looking for a new school for Violet- with all that's happened recently.
Three- We don't get the money from the landlord until the  day we move out- which makes things very difficult because I need money for the security deposit, rent and moving expenses in ADVANCE.
Oy Vey!
Four- This is my family's home. My dad has lived here his whole life.
We are all scared to move- this is all we've ever known.
But it's making my family and I so very sick. The mold and such (things falling apart) in the apartment, especially in my kids room- is horrible for our health.
We HAVE to move to help my kids get better. We're all tired of being ill all the time.
Five-being that both my kids are autistic- change is very very difficult for them to handle. Levi freaks out even going for a walk. He has serious sensory issues, as does Violet.
Moving is NOT easy for us at all.
But there isn't any choice.

I'm hoping all this bad mojo that this apartment has given us- will finally go away- and our lives will get tons better.
I pray for this every single night.
On top of all these changes-
I had to put my foot down.
I'm tired of my mom and husband being sick and physically unable, due to their weight.
I love them both, regardless of how much they weigh, obviously.
Dave has trouble with both his knees and ankles- and has pain from walking now.
I just got to my breaking point with both of them.
I told them- you are two of the most important people in my life- and both of you need to change.
I definitely feel there are so many similarities between my parents and Dave- maybe that's why Dave pisses them off so much!
I have serious issues with people being undependable- breaking promises left and right.
My mom and Dave almost always break their promises to me and it breaks my heart.
Their weight holds them back from doing the things they want to do- like running after the kids, going for a long walk, etc.
My sister is the most dependable person in my life. I can always count on her.
Both her and I, always work through any illness, being tired, anything and everything so we can take care of the kids.
Then again I can always depend on both my kids- to lose their freaking minds each and every single day.
Violet has been a wreck. Since all her therapists are on vacation, and she's not in school right now- plus she's sick.
My house is chaos right now. Levi freaking out every single time we leave the apartment.
I'm terrified and excited at the same exact time- about moving. And that there's a possibility everything will change for the better.
Just the possibility gives me goosebumps!
I'm sick right now- nose,throat- same as my kids- so my mind's a complete fog. I'm in a daze- I don't know what day it is or time, if it's sunny or raining. I'm on another planet right now.
Because of all the stress I'm under, I've been having horrific nightmares all week- like horror movies- truly scary.
I'm crawling out of my skin right now- I want everything to happen already- and the stress to be gone.
But I don't do magic- sadly.
Anyone know a fairy godmother I could call??? Anyone?

Kisses Bitches!!! Everything's about to change!!!!!
I smell something's in the air- no not a poopy diaper- I mean the smell of change coming. The winds are about to change. A serious cleansing of bullshit is coming. Can't fucking wait!
New apartment
New school??
New Therapists?
New look???who knows?
New happiness and good health?!
Healthier and slimmer Dave and mom??? Who knows?!!!
New FREAKNG LIFE!!!!

Maybe even be financially stable? Or is that asking for too much?