What's been happening??!

I've been so busy- with doctor appointments, phone calls, packing and my kids' therapies-
I don't know what day it is anymore! I haven't been sleeping well for what seems like forever now!
Last week Dave went to the doctor- and was told he's at high risk for a stroke- because of his high weight and blood pressure.
This makes me very nervous- and this morning he tells me that he's feeling dizzy and lightheaded and feeling a lot of pressure in his head every time he moves!
This scares the shit out of me!
He's going to the doctor again today- around 4 p.m.
I was supposed to go to the breast surgeon this morning- but then found out because he left the medical group I was a part of, a week ago and where I had all my testing done, he now has no access to my test results or medical records.
So there's NO POINT to see him today. Oh joy!
Looks like I have to find ALL new doctors for both my husband and I and our children.
This is such a pain in the butt!
But maybe this will lead to better care? Who knows? Maybe I find the doctor to ALL doctors- you know what I mean?
Since my kids and I, and now Dave are at the doctor every single week!
I'm worried about my husband's health, I'm nervous (and excited) about moving, how the kids are going to react to our new home- all these worries are why I'm not sleeping well at night.
Levi is finally going to have his psychological evaluation next Tuesday at home!
Woohoo! I've only been waiting for this for several months now!
Everyday he's banging his head and having meltdowns all day long-
I can't wait to finally have a diagnosis already- so that my son can get ALL the therapy he needs to get better.
It has helped my daughter so much- and continues to help her to this very day.
I'm not sure if Levi has the exact same type of autism my daughter has, but I'll find out soon.
And knowing this brings me some much needed peace of mind.
My family and I have also been furniture shopping- this is NOT as much fun as it sounds!
It's exhausting. If we were rich- I'm POSITIVE this would be a lot more fun!!!
We also went mattress shopping.
Dave had a lot of fun doing this. Every bed felt so foreign to me- and uncomfortable- so I let him pick out what he wanted. We had to get a new bed since he broke our current bed. We needed something DURABLE and comfortable.
We took our kids to Macy's holiday department- and they were so excited!!! They LOVE Santa and Christmas movies!
So this was so amazing to them. Levi couldn't believe his eyes! And Violet reached for every ornament known to man!
It was so much fun!
This would be the first holiday season in DECADES- that we wouldn't be totally broke!
My kids have never experienced a really GREAT holiday season- where we get to go shopping and do all holiday related outings.
Christmas has been so hard for us in the past- we couldn't get the kids any presents or decorate- we had no money- not even to pay the bills.
Every holiday season was so depressing.
I've spent a few in mental hospitals int he past. So I've never really looked forward to the holidays- until now.
This is the FIRST holiday season I'm actually looking forward to.
Our luck seems to be getting better- and I cant wait to see all the good things that's going to happen.
I see our lives changing for the better- Finally!!!!

All this aside, I have been feeling my mood going up and down throughout the day- I'm very easily irritated, I'll be depressed one minute- very happy the next.
This new birth control pill I'm on- I don't know if it's helping me or not.
I feel like a hot air balloon! Just totally blown-up.
I don't know if I should stop this medication or just wait it out.
My mom told me- many years ago, she gained nearly 100 pounds on birth control pills! ( yes this was over 35 years old- but still!) This scared the shit out of me!
While I was pregnant with Violet I gained 120 pounds!! Yes, I started at weighing only 80 pounds- but STILL! That's a lot of weight.
I'm petrified!
Dave seems to be happy though- he LOVES when my ass and boobs grow. He was SO happy when I was nearly 200 pounds, pregnant with Violet. He's nuts!!!! But I appreciate his insanity very much.
But I am very thankful, I'm with a man that appreciates curves ( the bigger the better!) and never ever tells me to lose weight.
I've been having nightmares- that I want to be an actress (which I don't), and am going on auditions only to be told I'm FAT and ugly.
Fun right?!

AND my mom is also having a biopsy and sonogram done (this week and next) to make sure she doesn't have ovarian cancer.

Do you think this is enough to be worried about???!

That's what been happening so far-
Again, I'm so sorry that I haven't been writing as much. My book, has been put on a temporary hold right now. Until I move and get settled- then I'll continue writing. Actually then- I'll be more than happy to write!


Kisses Bitches!!!
PEACE!

*photo found on google- I thought this crazy holiday cat photo was appropriate.

Long time no write.

Sorry it's been a whole 5 days!
I feel like so much has happened since then.
First Violet got a bug from school. She had a very high fever and her stomach was upset. I don't feel so hot either- we share everything. Sloppy kisses, you name it- but that's part of the joys of being a mommy- the sloppy kisses I mean- not the sharing of viruses.
I actually got a chance to watch mind numbing television yesterday- well kind of.
Usually when I get a chance I like to catch up on my favorite shows I've missed and recorded. This time, my mom was watching Gene Simmons Family Jewels- so I decided to chillax next to her and watch it with her.
First of all, let me just say- they are a breathe of fresh air- as far as famous families go. Their kids are awesome, and overall good people. Which is rare.
Shannon, Gene Simmons long time girlfriend (I don't think they should ever marry- because really- there's no need- if things are working this way- then they should stay this way- that's my opinion), found a lump in her breast and had two biopsies.
This hits me close to home, since I've been through this only months before being pregnant with Violet.
Shannon is in my opinion, a very strong woman. She handled it extremely well.
A lot better than I did. The biopsy hurts like a BITCH from hell! And I'm not afraid of needles at all- since with all my health problems I'm stuck with them all the time. But wow- that hurt more than words can describe.
When I went through that, I wanted my breasts removed immediately but no doctor would do it- because insurance wouldn't pay for it. Which is ridiculous when you think of it- it's a preventive measure- but insurance won't pay for it- unless you ALREADY have cancer. This is so stupid.
I still wish I'd have gotten it done. Fuck breasts! That's what I always say.
For all the reasons they gave me NOT to remove them- that I might have children and want to breast feed. Yes I did have children and I did breast feed both children- for a very short time because physically I couldn't and it was a very painful experience- emotionally as well.
I also made a living by modeling nude. Yes, nude. I'm not ashamed. The photos were art, not porn. But this is how I made money- basically for my boobs and body.
And I STILL wanted them removed. I was told that would hurt my modeling career severely- but I knew this is what I wanted. And I'd still find a way to make a living modeling. If I could afford to remove them, I would in a heart beat. That day-after my biopsy, not knowing what the results would be, was one of the WORST days of my life. And knowing I might have to go through that again someday, terrifies me to the core. I took a self- portrait that month of myself with scissors to my breast. It horrified many of my friends, so even though I still have these images, and would like to post them, I will not because it might scare some people.
I took these photos, because I was angry. Angry at the doctors and my insurance- for not obeying my wishes and making the decision for me. I hate not being in control of my own life and body. I did not harm myself- so don't go worrying about me. I've been suicidal in the past- that time was NOT one of them.
Anyway- watching things like that strike a nerve in me- but I'm SO glad she chose to share that with everyone- because this could save many peoples lives. Kudos to her.
On another note- I scheduled Violet's 24 hour stay in the hospital, but now I might have to reschedule it for later in April due to my health. I'm supposed to stay with her overnight, but with my recent frequent heart problems, I can't do that.
I'm living off aspirin. It's my best friend now, that's for sure.
I have many doctors appointments coming up- I just want answers at this point.

That's all for now- God bless all of you- and CHECK your breasts- yes even you guys out there.

Kisses Bitches!!!