Welcome to my LIFE!!!

Karen, my darling, is not used to my family just yet.
Marco on the other hand- knows my family's madness and is used to it.
My therapist for YEARS- even to this very day- wants my family and I to have a reality t.v. show-
she said there would be something for everyone-
The poor, the autistic, the deaf, the bipolars, the gay community, the mentally insane, the moms struggling out there- you name it! We got EVERY reality show beat by a long shot!
You all know my family and I are moving- all together.
My two deaf parents (they say they are hard-of-hearing- but we ALL know better ;), my autistic sister with a heart condition, my two special needs kids (autistic), and my "yet to be diagnosed" husband (he said this himself).
My dad, as every knows is losing his mind- truthfully. Dementia here he comes, no joke!
He is all over the place! I'm just surprised he finds his way home everyday.
Yesterday Karen ordered some food for my mom and dad, at a nearby place- to pick up.
She tells my dad to run in and pick up the order "for Karen".
He says "For Karen?"
"Yes, for Karen".
He comes out of the restaurant with a small plastic bag-
Karen asked "Where the food??!!!"
He replied "right here! Two sandwiches!"
"ummm, Jeff that's not what I ordered!!!! You didn't pick up what I ordered".
My dad gets pissed off because breakfast costs $14 for two people. He actually bitched and moaned about this.
Karen told me the story- I told her "THIS IS MY LIFE!!! DAY IN AND OUT!!! 24/7 CRAZY TOWN!"
He never ever follows direction, he does everything opposite!
My mom wasn't doing so well yesterday either. She hung up the phone on us about three times.
And she wasn't listening to a word we were saying!! It was so frustrating!!!
Again, I should be used to this by now, but I never am.
My mom asked Dave where he was- he said "In the car on the way to Brooklyn to meet up with you".
She asked again where he was, over and over again-
he then responded "I'm running down the highway Helene!!! Running to Brooklyn!"
Karen, Marco and I were laughing so freakin' hard!!!
We couldn't stop!
This is a typical conversation with my family- very typical.
I think we are all from another planet or something.
We get there- she decided to put the computer in a different place then we wanted. Even though I'd told her over five times where it should go.
Everyone was screaming.
Did I mention my parents are deaf?!
This means they think everyone ELSE is deaf too! So they scream everything!!!
It's madness, I tell you- madness!
I'm starving at this point- saying I'm so hungry I might eat a small puppy if someone didn't help me get some damn food SOON!
I don't know my way around my neighborhood, or any part of Brooklyn for that matter. I have to learn everything from scratch! Very scary for me!
Dave decides to put the highchairs together- in the middle of the hallway- I have no clue why.
We're trying to get out of the house- to go eat and to the carpet store before they closed.
My mom is screaming what's the carpet store's name!!!
I yell out "Carpet munchers!!!"
Marco's hysterically laughing, everyone else is confused-
This is my life!!!
We got to the carpet store- but we didn't have the measurements with us- we had left it back at the house!
OY VEY!
I was going to pick out anything at this point- I needed FOOD NOW!
Levi was biting me he was so hungry! OUCH!
I decided to get out of the car with the kids and my sister and head to McDonald's for some quick grub.
I'm ordering there for about 9 people-
The women looked at me " At this point you should've just cooked."
"Well I am ordering for almost 9 people. Though I think I could eat this all by myself at this point"- I said laughing- but it was the truth!
I then said to her- "I'm in the middle of moving, I have no food, or cookware in my house yet- so McD's will just have to do."
She apologized, and understood. After that she was super nice to me.
I told her "I'm poor and moving int he neighborhood. You'll be seeing a lot of me. Plus can you imagine how much this would have cost from a diner?!!
She laughed!! Because we both knew the truth to that!
The cable guy was at our house for hours!! "I asked him if he's ready to kill himself yet?"
He laughed- but I could see in his eyes- He wanted to!
Karen picks us up at McDonald's, and then we head back to the house.
The kids are running around- we are trying to figure out the t.v. to put on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
We're putting baby gates together- and cribs. It was insane. The whole time my mom is having a nervous breakdown and my dad is mumbling to himself- something- I have no clue what nor do I care at this point.
I have a splitting migraine and bad cramps- from the new birth control pill. Plus my boobs are growing by the fucking second! No joke!
We tried to get a car service because Karen couldn't drive us home, and it was the kids' bedtime- they were cranky and crying.
The car service didn't give my mom a price quote and then shows up at our house asking for ....get this...$80!!!
We were like, are you crazy?!
You didn't give my mom a price quote, she's deaf, and you show up asking for $80 to take us home?!!!
That started a war with Dave and this stupid driver!
He was taking advantage of my mom being deaf.
CRIMINAL!!!
Don't ever use the car service "Mill Basin" in Brooklyn- their crooks!!! Scumbags!!!
We didn't take the car obviously!!!
Karen was our savior and drove us home. She is my angel!!!
Thank you Karen so much!!!
I owe you BIG TIME!!!
BTW if you are wondering how I know Karen- she's engaged to Marco- my homeboy.
And is the mama of one of the best kids I know, Maya.
I'm so lucky to have them- otherwise I would've committed myself to an institution yesterday.

P.S. - I get a letter from SSI asking me to come in again- twice in one year- nothing has changed. Actually things got worse. I'm still fucking Bipolar and CRAZY! HELLO!!!!

Kisses Bitches!!!
Wouldn't you watch our reality show???!!!

*found this photo of me- I felt it was appropriate.

Starting...

Started moving boxes and furniture up to the new place today.
We only get maybe an hour or two a day to pack because of the kids.
I have no one to watch them- and if I turn my back for a second- they are trying to kill each other!
Plus Lee and Vi hate the sound of me taping the boxes shut! They scream!!
Both my parents are kind of losing their minds- they are both completely fried mentally- due to the big move.
Last night was rough- the migraines had finally taken their toll on me.
I could barely move- because I was gonna pass out! I tried to walk- bad idea!!!
There was this intense pressure in my head and I couldn't think straight!
These hormone pills and thyroid problems are going to be the death of me for sure!
Plus I think the medications are putting me in heat or something. I didn't even THINK it was possible for me to want sex more often- but I was wrong!
This with the packing- no of course we're not done!- moving- my kids trying to kill each other- the migraines- the arguing- the stress.
BOOM! My head is gonna explode-
oh wait- I'm suppose to think positive-
Everything will be getting better!!!!!

Woohoo- very short blog post.
BTW- I thought I'd just put this out there.
Marriage is....(you fill in the blank).

For me Marriage is ...when each time you roll over in bed, your husband farts in your face in his sleep.
That's marriage.
I'll leave you with this thought for now!
Muahahhahahahahhahaha!


Kisses Bitches!

"No more sexy talk-straight to fucking"

Yes, this is the exact quote used by Dave. It cracked me up, because I totally agreed.

Four play has changed since we had children- it mostly consists of us laughing our asses off at each other. Strange, right?

We are total goofballs and don't really get time together to just be by ourselves, joking around.

Our "sexy talk" consists of..,"Hey all your shirts have turned into crop tops! In the mood yet?!"

And then we just laugh and laugh.

After twelve years together, you'd think there'd be no "spice" left. But luckily there still is. It's just different, then say the first two years we were together. But there's still many surprises left up our sleeves.

Our roles have completely changed around also. I used to be wide awake after after doing the deed and I would want to go out and do things, while he'd want to go sleep. Nowadays, afterwards he's the one who's all energized, and all I want to do is go to sleep!

And of course there's no cuddling, I've told you all that before- I don't do that- that's WAY too girlie for me.

Also we don't call it "making love" anymore- again way too girlie. EWW!

Just the sound of it, makes me cringe.

It's dirty and nasty, the way things are supposed to be! Thank goodness.

Before and afterwards there's lots of laughter- not so much during. But things can get a bit silly.

I think it's important not to take things too seriously and to be able to laugh at just about everything.

Plus we make fun of each other all the time, if I took things too personally, I would spend the day and night crying myself to sleep- again- WAY too girlie. In the twelve years we've known each other, we have learned a lot about each other, but that's never led to things getting "boring".

I thank my bipolar, for that sometimes because you never know what tomorrow will bring, that's for sure.

Plus, if I wasn't such a hyper-sexual person- things could have very well gotten boring.

I mean, I think of sex ALL the time- probably more than the "average" woman, but who knows right?

Dave doesn't even think about it as much as I do. again, he's my wife- remember?

That's my thoughts for today so far.

Hope it made you laugh.

I'd love to know how often- YOU women out there think about sex- everyday, several times a day, every free second (that's me), every other day, every week?? Let me know. I'd love to hear about it!

Kisses to my filthy dirty Bitches out there!!! Get BUSY!

Sex. Nuff said.

Yeah I said it. SEX!
Now this wouldn't be a very good bipolar blog without talking about the obvious.
Sex.
Most bipolar are nymphomaniacs. Bipolars are extreme. Which means they have addictions- be it drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, you name it.
I had it all except the gambling part. Which is funny because gambling addiction runs on my father's side of the family.
Truthfully, I don't remember a lot of my past lovers. Maybe they sucked. Most probably sucked.
It was surprising how many men have no clue how to have good sex. Really NO CLUE.
It's kind of sad.
The best lovers, are always Latin. Sorry white people. But you suck in bed in general. Not to say ALL Latins are good in bed. I do remember the worst sexual experience I ever had. His was Latin and skinny, and I won't mention his name, just in case he's reading this. That would be unfair to him.
He was too technical- no passion. It bored me- I just wanted it to be over.
I remember he said to me very ridiculously funny things to me in bed- not on purpose either. I weighed 109 lbs at the time. I don't lie about my weight- it's stupid.
And he asked me in the middle of it how much I weighed!!! I laughed!!!
I told him 109 lbs. At which point he said- "you feel heavier!" I laughed so hard!!!
He was serious!!! He must've been like 90 lbs. What a wuss.
The next day- I couldn't get out of there fast enough! He wanted me to meet his family- and I was just looking to leave as soon as possible!
He wanted a relationship- but at this point- set aside the horrible sex- I just wasn't feeling that at the moment. I moved from one person to the next- just to fill time. I had sex out of boredom. And they were all beautiful looking people- sucked royally in bed.
I remember one guy, millionaire BTW- a son of a famous Broadway producer, he was insanely bipolar, we'll call him "J". He cycled every other second. Every time was had sex, he'd say to me "Don't I have the biggest cock you've ever seen?" At which point I said "No"- he'd get so pissed! What a whack job! I said this because that was the truth. The biggest I ever seen- was a WHITE Man's dick- it was easily 10". I know- he was bad in bed also. No clue what he was doing. That's why men shouldn't feel bad about their size- because you can be good in bed- no matter what size truthfully. So "J" and I drank and partied, and tried everything in bed. Still I thought he sucked. I just used him to pass the time. I stopped seeing him, when I got bored. Which was quickly. Again, he wanted a relationship, wanted me to meet his parents. That was probably the kiss of death to me. That's when I knew I had to bolt!
I was always one foot out the door when the sex was done. I'd make up some excuse to leave- even if it was 3 A.M.
Yeah I know- to this day I'm like a guy. I rarely cuddle or have time for foreplay.
I don't talk about Dave in bed because that's tacky. But I will say this- he is the best lover I've ever had and that's saying A LOT! From day one- he rocked.
One of the many reasons we're still together. Bad sex is a deal breaker, no doubt.
My book, when I eventually sit down and write it, will go into a lot of detail about my sexual experiences because that's the juicy part.

So for now. Just do it- but do it justice!!!

Kisses to all my sexy, crazy bitches! MEOW!