Tonight was a night of horrors. I'm pretty sure a few hours ago, my son had a small seizure. Yup, you heard me. I called the doctor, don't worry- and no I didn't go to emergency. Frankly I'm terrified of hospitals, not because I practically live there most of the time, but because ....how'd my doctor put it? Oh yea, I'm the poster child for things that can go wrong in a hospital.
I can't step into a hospital without thinking of MRSA. For those of you who don't know what this is you should be grateful.
My son and I, on the other hand know it all to well.
Just so you know, hospitals- are COVERED in this. It is a type of penicillin resistant, staph infection. And it can kill.
My son and I contracted this when he was born. I was put on emergency high dose antibiotics through an I.V. TWICE because it was killing my body.
So yeah, I'm deathly afraid of hospitals. When I go in for something, I sometimes come out with something else entirely. Scary, I know.
So instead, I'm choosing to take him to the doctor tomorrow.
And tomorrow BTW is my sister's Birthday! She turns 20!!!
I'm worried for my children, both of them.
My throat's been hurting me so bad for days now, and seems to get worse. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning. Most likely I'm sick from the mold in my room.
I've been under a lot of stress, A LOT.
I haven't had anytime to take care of myself. And I'm not complaining- all I want is for my kids to get better. And if that takes up every single second of the day and night so be it.
I've been in a fog these past few days. My vision's a little blurry, I feel weak, but I still push through, always.
My family has mentioned to me, that I'm getting thin again, and asked if they should be concerned.
That is usually a HUGE wake-up call for me. Like WARNING, things get bad after this if ignored.
Truthfully, I lack any desire for food. I eat because things are getting blurry, and my stomach growling. Not because I enjoy it, or even want it. It kind of repulses me at times.
Also Dave has been diagnosed with Diabetes, and my dad is too. So we have way healthier food here, not much sugar. And really, I live off sugar, and salt.
I know, it's bad but I feel like so many of my old go-to foods have been banned from the house. I know they are technically allowed here, but I can't take the chance my dad or Dave would eat it.
I used to be an emotional eater, I was taught this as a child. Do you feel down?? Eat this, you'll feel better. It took a lot of hospitalizations to fix that. But now I'm an emotionally eater, the other way around. I don't want to eat when stressed.
There's just so much going on right now, no one can help me with.
And yes, I know you'll all going to say "You need to take care of yourself, blah blah blah". I am aware of this.
I know I gotta get my shit together. It's hard because most of the time, I feel alone. Like a one man army.
I go to court on Wednesday morning. The landlord wants the rest of the back rent I'm sure, but he ain't gonna get that. Not with all the damages.
I'm having a difficult time finding a good lawyer, that I don't have to pay till we win. Because we WILL win. This I know.
I just want money to be able to get the fuck out of the hellhole, we call a home. And to finally to able to give my children great health and happiness.
I pray every night for all my family, and all my friends.
I hope God will hear my prayers and better all our lives.
God bless you.
Showing posts with label seizure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label seizure. Show all posts
Monday, April 26, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
One of the worst days ever, like for sure.
I woke up exhausted, as per usual. But I literally forced myself out of bed today. I knew Violet was going to have picture day in school today, and I wanted her to look perfect.
The minute I entered the living room, I saw Kayla not looking so well. She said "My blood pressure's going up and down". I ran to her and before I could catch her, her passed out and fell face first to the floor. I freaked!
She took longer this time to wake up. I feel that she was having a seizure. But I one point I thought she stopped breathing! Her whole face lost all color. Her lips were white! I was so scared, I thought for a split second my sister was dead. I yelled to Dave, who was worried to but then saw her take a very shallow breath. We were both relieved. My heart cannot handle things like this. I felt horrible horrible pain in my legs and arms,wile I was holding her in my arms on the floor, and felt like I was going to vomit and pass out at the same time! I imagined my sister and I being wheeled to the emergency room, and I told myself "Get it together!!!!". Dave gave me and my sister a glucose tablet and some water, which made both of us feel a little bit better.
Kayla came to, finally after a good 5 minutes!
Four cops and two EMTS, showed up to our apartment, asking where the four year old that passed out was? We were all so confused and told them my sister was almost twenty years old, not four! To which they seemed relieved.
It caused quite a commotion in the building. Everybody's definitely talking about us now, for sure. My sister was then taken by ambulance to the hospital.
After this all happened, I still had to get Violet dressed and ready for picture day. BTW When the cops were here, all she did was stare at their walkie-talkies. SHE FUCKING wanted it so badly.
So she was pretty calm through the whole thing, Levi not so much, he was screaming.
I got Violet dressed and got her on her school bus. This whole time, I still felt like passing out.
Dave and I stayed up with Levi, who was going nuts the entire morning. After I got Violet off the bus, she went straight into therapy. Dave at that point was really exhausted, and was snapping at me and really really pissed. He looked like he was gonna kill me, so he decided to go to bed, so he would've totally snap. And from there, I had to take her to her sensory gym, that's about 10 blocks away. She was falling asleep, and her therapist and I were trying to keep her awake, because SHE LOVES her time in the sensory gym, it's awesome!
When we got there, we woke up her, she was screaming, then I had to take her drink away, because no drinks or food is allowed at the gym, which lead to Violet having a total meltdown, then it starts storming outside. I had no umbrella, no cash, no nothing! And she was still screaming! I had to stay with her during her therapy, and run after her repeatedly.
When we were about to leave, the sun came out, thank goodness!!! And I practically ran, pushing Violet in the stroller home.
I got home, and just broke down crying. Thinking about my sister being dead... Kayla can never leave me, she's my baby, I don't know what I'd do without her.
I was literally having a panic attack all day long. ALL DAY.
This has been a bad fucking day. I'm so fucking tired, emotionally and physically.
Kayla will be going to a neurologist very shortly.
We're all watching her like a hawk, she's never going to be alone. It's too scary.
So yeah, this day was one of the worst ever, like for sure.
Kisses bitches!
Hopefully some good news will come soon.
Pray for us.
The minute I entered the living room, I saw Kayla not looking so well. She said "My blood pressure's going up and down". I ran to her and before I could catch her, her passed out and fell face first to the floor. I freaked!
She took longer this time to wake up. I feel that she was having a seizure. But I one point I thought she stopped breathing! Her whole face lost all color. Her lips were white! I was so scared, I thought for a split second my sister was dead. I yelled to Dave, who was worried to but then saw her take a very shallow breath. We were both relieved. My heart cannot handle things like this. I felt horrible horrible pain in my legs and arms,wile I was holding her in my arms on the floor, and felt like I was going to vomit and pass out at the same time! I imagined my sister and I being wheeled to the emergency room, and I told myself "Get it together!!!!". Dave gave me and my sister a glucose tablet and some water, which made both of us feel a little bit better.
Kayla came to, finally after a good 5 minutes!
Four cops and two EMTS, showed up to our apartment, asking where the four year old that passed out was? We were all so confused and told them my sister was almost twenty years old, not four! To which they seemed relieved.
It caused quite a commotion in the building. Everybody's definitely talking about us now, for sure. My sister was then taken by ambulance to the hospital.
After this all happened, I still had to get Violet dressed and ready for picture day. BTW When the cops were here, all she did was stare at their walkie-talkies. SHE FUCKING wanted it so badly.
So she was pretty calm through the whole thing, Levi not so much, he was screaming.
I got Violet dressed and got her on her school bus. This whole time, I still felt like passing out.
Dave and I stayed up with Levi, who was going nuts the entire morning. After I got Violet off the bus, she went straight into therapy. Dave at that point was really exhausted, and was snapping at me and really really pissed. He looked like he was gonna kill me, so he decided to go to bed, so he would've totally snap. And from there, I had to take her to her sensory gym, that's about 10 blocks away. She was falling asleep, and her therapist and I were trying to keep her awake, because SHE LOVES her time in the sensory gym, it's awesome!
When we got there, we woke up her, she was screaming, then I had to take her drink away, because no drinks or food is allowed at the gym, which lead to Violet having a total meltdown, then it starts storming outside. I had no umbrella, no cash, no nothing! And she was still screaming! I had to stay with her during her therapy, and run after her repeatedly.
When we were about to leave, the sun came out, thank goodness!!! And I practically ran, pushing Violet in the stroller home.
I got home, and just broke down crying. Thinking about my sister being dead... Kayla can never leave me, she's my baby, I don't know what I'd do without her.
I was literally having a panic attack all day long. ALL DAY.
This has been a bad fucking day. I'm so fucking tired, emotionally and physically.
Kayla will be going to a neurologist very shortly.
We're all watching her like a hawk, she's never going to be alone. It's too scary.
So yeah, this day was one of the worst ever, like for sure.
Kisses bitches!
Hopefully some good news will come soon.
Pray for us.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Violet's hospital stay
Dave and I stayed overnight in the hospital last night with our daughter Violet.
It was probably one of the longest day/night's ever.
Thank goodness Shannon was there with us when we got there. She keep Violet busy with games and toys.
Then it came time to "hook" Violet up. This was to test if Violet was having any seizures that were keeping her from sleeping.
26 wires were hooked up to Violet. During that time Shannon and I worked hard to keep her occupied. I brought a portable DVD player with me that I borrowed from my aunt, but the battery died 5 minutes into Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (her fave show of all time). So Shannon and I sang, counted, did everything we could think of. Dave was getting Violet something to drink, and couldn't be let into he room, because then it would disrupt the process.
Violet cried and cried. In the end her head was wrapped tightly, then all the wires were wrapped, which connected to a heavy small bag that she had to carry like a messenger bag, which then attached to a wall monitor. She was under video surveillance the entire stay.
After the crying she eventually calmed down, especially when she saw the playroom.
I thought- wow, it's not that bad. But then I found out the playroom closed at 6 P.M!!! Which is nowhere near the time she goes to sleep. And it didn't open until 10 A.M! Dave and I were jumping trying to entertain her for 14 hours in a very tiny room!!!! She slept better there than at home, she still woke up every 5 minutes but she did go back to sleep until about 5 A.M. We were exhausted, mentally and physically. I had not been feeling well for days now, and Dave was still sick with a sinus infection- so we were not up to par at all.
The rest of the day we spent chasing her because she wanted to run all over the pediatric neurology unit.
The doctor eventually came and told us, she's not having seizures, but they need to do more testing. Probably an MRI, eventually and she had her blood taken twice for genetic testing, to make sure her autism won't get worse.
I told the doctor my kids and I are always sick, we get sick every month. To which, FINALLY, a doctor said "That's not normal. We have to find out what's wrong."
Thank GOD! So both my children and I, hopefully soon will be having more tests done. And hopefully get some FUCKING answers.
Violet is a warrior, she is amazing. Everyone loved her there. Thank you to all the wonderful nurses that helped us during our stay. Thank you to Shannon and my awesome social worker, and honorary family member, Michelle, for coming, showing support and helping us through this difficult times. We loved you both so much.
*photo of my princess and her lovey, Gorilla.
Peace, love and baby bottles,
Till next time.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Jan. 20th in the hospital
Today Violet saw a special neurologist for kids with disabilities.
It was comforting being in a room filled with special kids and parents of special kids. Most of the parents were exhausted and one fell asleep with her head up against the wall. Parents that knew my daily struggles.
The neurologist was fantastic.
Shannon ( Violet's ABA therapist) was there, thankfully with plenty of cool toys and books to keep Vi happy.
Violet will be going into the hospital on Jan. 20th for 24 hours. She'll be under observation and will having many tests done that day. Dave and I will be there with her the whole time. My mom will stay with my son.
I'm nervous, very nervous- but I know it's necessary to find out what's going on in Vi's head. Hopefully she's not having seizures- since I haver had several seizures in the past. This will help us treat her sleep disorder- and I won't have to listen to any more parents (of "regular" kids) advice on getting her to sleep at night.
Because all of their advice never works- and they think I'm not trying hard enough.
Whatever! All of you who know me- know that I've tried everything.
Wish my daughter luck- that she gets through the hospital stay and finally gets some answers.
Peace, love and gluten free nuggets,
Ciao!
It was comforting being in a room filled with special kids and parents of special kids. Most of the parents were exhausted and one fell asleep with her head up against the wall. Parents that knew my daily struggles.
The neurologist was fantastic.
Shannon ( Violet's ABA therapist) was there, thankfully with plenty of cool toys and books to keep Vi happy.
Violet will be going into the hospital on Jan. 20th for 24 hours. She'll be under observation and will having many tests done that day. Dave and I will be there with her the whole time. My mom will stay with my son.
I'm nervous, very nervous- but I know it's necessary to find out what's going on in Vi's head. Hopefully she's not having seizures- since I haver had several seizures in the past. This will help us treat her sleep disorder- and I won't have to listen to any more parents (of "regular" kids) advice on getting her to sleep at night.
Because all of their advice never works- and they think I'm not trying hard enough.
Whatever! All of you who know me- know that I've tried everything.
Wish my daughter luck- that she gets through the hospital stay and finally gets some answers.
Peace, love and gluten free nuggets,
Ciao!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Memory loss...
Hardly anyone knows about this- but hopefully more will after this blog has been posted.
I suffered from seizures, multiple seizures over 4 years ago due to the wrong mixing of bipolar medication. Back when I was first diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, in 2003 I was put on several medications for over the course of two years- I was a guinea pig- many of which didn't work or had horrible side-effects.
One of those side effects were seizures.
I had seizures as a young child but hadn't had one since. Till about 2005.
One of which took places in an occult store!
The minute I walked into this well known occult store in the east village I got dizzy, then next thing I knew I was on the floor looking at David- who looked back at me terrified. I had no idea why at the time.
Later, Dave explained that I'd started seizing TWO SECONDS after walking in the Wiccan store, and he caught me as I fell to the floor. One of the girls that worked there had a long red dread locked mohawk and piercings (a really tough looking alterna) freaked (OMIGOD! IS SHE OK???)and helped me the best she could. She was actually a really really sweet girl. A couple came into the shop at the exact time I was seizing on the floor and asked the manager, "Oh, is this where the meeting is taking place?"
She was still grinding spices in a mortar and pestle, and whispered, "No, it's still next door."
Nuts, right? But funny nonetheless.
Later that day I had multiple seizures one right after the other while I was in the hospital.
What most people don't know is that I suffered severe memory loss.
I didn't remember a thing- except my family members. I didn't even remember my relationship with Dave, or who he was to me, anything like that. It took a really really long time to recover some of my memories. Dave and I kind of started our relationship from scratch, since I had no memories to go by. I'm still trying to piece things together to this very day. There are gaps in my life I still don't know anything about.
There are times when Dave or my sister will tell me some of the things I used to do when I was full blown manic- and I don't believe it. I mean- I believe they are telling me the truth- but I'm shocked.
After my seizures- my bipolar was different. I became a different person.
My bipolar was easier to manage for a few years after that. My therapist said it was kind of like electroshock therapy in a way.
I became more aware of myself. I wasn't manic like I used to be. Before the seizures, when I was manic - it was like I was taken over by a demon or something. I had no control of myself whatsoever- it was like I was being controlled by something "other".
Now, when I'm manic- my thoughts race, I'm excited, and yes, easily irritated but I don't feel invincible and I definitely don't make the horribly wrong decisions I used while being manic. Not to say I don't make bad decisions- I am still bipolar.
So if you see me in the street- and I don't pay you any mind, it's not because I'm trying to play it cool, or be a snob or anything- it's because you've been erased from my freakin' memory. But feel free to come up to me- and reintroduce yourself- that is if you're awesome and we had good times together- if not- well then BUZZ OFF:)
That being said-
I love you all!
Ciao bitches!
More to come:)
I suffered from seizures, multiple seizures over 4 years ago due to the wrong mixing of bipolar medication. Back when I was first diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, in 2003 I was put on several medications for over the course of two years- I was a guinea pig- many of which didn't work or had horrible side-effects.
One of those side effects were seizures.
I had seizures as a young child but hadn't had one since. Till about 2005.
One of which took places in an occult store!
The minute I walked into this well known occult store in the east village I got dizzy, then next thing I knew I was on the floor looking at David- who looked back at me terrified. I had no idea why at the time.
Later, Dave explained that I'd started seizing TWO SECONDS after walking in the Wiccan store, and he caught me as I fell to the floor. One of the girls that worked there had a long red dread locked mohawk and piercings (a really tough looking alterna) freaked (OMIGOD! IS SHE OK???)and helped me the best she could. She was actually a really really sweet girl. A couple came into the shop at the exact time I was seizing on the floor and asked the manager, "Oh, is this where the meeting is taking place?"
She was still grinding spices in a mortar and pestle, and whispered, "No, it's still next door."
Nuts, right? But funny nonetheless.
Later that day I had multiple seizures one right after the other while I was in the hospital.
What most people don't know is that I suffered severe memory loss.
I didn't remember a thing- except my family members. I didn't even remember my relationship with Dave, or who he was to me, anything like that. It took a really really long time to recover some of my memories. Dave and I kind of started our relationship from scratch, since I had no memories to go by. I'm still trying to piece things together to this very day. There are gaps in my life I still don't know anything about.
There are times when Dave or my sister will tell me some of the things I used to do when I was full blown manic- and I don't believe it. I mean- I believe they are telling me the truth- but I'm shocked.
After my seizures- my bipolar was different. I became a different person.
My bipolar was easier to manage for a few years after that. My therapist said it was kind of like electroshock therapy in a way.
I became more aware of myself. I wasn't manic like I used to be. Before the seizures, when I was manic - it was like I was taken over by a demon or something. I had no control of myself whatsoever- it was like I was being controlled by something "other".
Now, when I'm manic- my thoughts race, I'm excited, and yes, easily irritated but I don't feel invincible and I definitely don't make the horribly wrong decisions I used while being manic. Not to say I don't make bad decisions- I am still bipolar.
So if you see me in the street- and I don't pay you any mind, it's not because I'm trying to play it cool, or be a snob or anything- it's because you've been erased from my freakin' memory. But feel free to come up to me- and reintroduce yourself- that is if you're awesome and we had good times together- if not- well then BUZZ OFF:)
That being said-
I love you all!
Ciao bitches!
More to come:)
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