Levi's first day of school!!!!

This photo was taken on the bus ride BACK from school.
His first day of school, to be exact.
He did great!
Except for the fact that an hour in (the two hour school day) he got really really sleepy. Ha-ha!!!
On the bus ride home, all the little kids (under age three) were passed out in their car seats- looking like parachuters that got stuck in a tree (just hanging there!).
You should be able to tell from my blog- that I NEVER ever quite fit in, anywhere I go.
Is this my fault- sometimes- other times, just circumstance really.
I went with Levi to school yesterday and will be everyday for awhile till I know he'll be okay.
I wore- acid wash ripped jeans, with bright green men's socks, bright orange lipstick with matching nail polish, stripped black loose shirt, with fake motorcycle jacket- and to complete the look- an R2D2 backpack.
Why? Cuz that's the way I roll, bitch! That's the way I roll.
So of course everyone looks at me like I'm a fucking alien at the school.
I felt like an alien at the school- because I ALWAYS feel like I'm from a completely different planet than every normal person on earth.
It's not me thinking- they are weird- I think I'M weird.
And maybe I'm being extra critical of myself lately- but I feel I look SO strange.
Just weird- not beautiful at all- and really if you know me- this is not me fishing for compliments- and if you write one trying to make me feel better- I might just have to kill you. Just maybe.
I guess I go through these times where I just feel so out of place in the world- the way I look, the way I talk, the way I think- just everything about me.
Maybe it's cause I'm bipolar- or because I just have a very weird relationship with my self; my body, my emotions.

Plus on top of everything, my hair is starting to fall out again- it's around the eight month mark- so now I'm just waiting.
No one knows why exactly this happens to me pretty much every single year- at all different times of the year, and not just a little bit- but nearly all of it.
Could be my thyroid, who knows.
I now have a fedora hat that I ONLY wear when I'm bald for the reason that it never fits when I have a head full of hair.
So if everyone in my neighborhood, and everywhere I go basically, is looking at me like I'm an alien now- JUST WAIT till I'm bald again. Just wait.

Oh boy- so much fun.

Levi goes to school again today- and will be 5 days a week at the same school until he turns three years old.
His first day went very well-
hopefully today goes even better!!!

Kisses Bitches!!!!

The Strange and Bizarre

Levi has been screaming for what seems like ever at this point.

I'm going to ask for a psychological evaluation for him, sooner than later.
Some ( very rare) days he's happy go lucky and in a good mood.
But mostly he's upset- he's very up and down- not a calm baby at all.


Before you go "That's ALL babies"- let me stop you write there. I'm not complaining about some normal crying- I do have a daughter that is autistic- and I do see the signs.
Unlike most people- this doesn't upset me- I just want him to get the help he needs- sooner rather than later. I think this makes sense.

Some people tell him- that both my daughter and son "look normal". I don't know what most people think autistic kids "look like"- but they do look like normal, regular kids. I don't know if people think autistic kids "look special" or handicapped. Truthfully I don't even know what "looking special" even means.
Both my kids look like regular kids- period.


It's such a weird thing to say anyways.


Or people tell him, I'm being paranoid- my daughter was diagnosed by professionals- same with my son. It's strange now that my daughter isn't in early intervention anymore- but now my son is. Early Intervention and CPSE are completely different.


On another note- yesterday was odd.
It was Violet's first day of school- and it didn't go well- surprise!!!
Dave thought she'd be fine- I knew different.
She had a tough day- and fell asleep really early last night- when she suffers any type of "trauma" (including having a temper tantrum) in the day she will fall right to sleep. Which is really bad when she's in the middle of therapy and she has a breakdown- because then she passes out- it's like the "fainting goats"! If you don't know what this is- look it up- it's hilarious!
Bizarre, I know.


Yesterday Dave slept almost all day- when I finally had to wake him up around 3 in the afternoon, he was groggy and not in a good mood.
I was talking to my friend about my grandmother's dementia and how I feel about it- how my grandma doesn't recognize me at all anymore- or even know my name- when out of nowhere Dave said "I'm OK with it" with an attitude.
We both just turned to look at him- like "What the hell is wrong with you?!"
He didn't understand why I was upset by that comment AT ALL.
After that I wasn't in a good mood- because I wasn't understanding him one bit.


The rest the day Dave was acting very strange.
He apologized later for what he said- but I was still confused about the whole thing.
Dave and I have been arguing a lot- I've been telling him- that he's changed so much- and sometimes I just don't understand him anymore.
I know he feels like our apartment is a trap- and I totally agree.


Just yesterday ( you all know how I've been saying this apartment is haunted) with my friend at my house- something happened.
Everyone was in the living room- my friend, the kids, Dave and I, everyone else was out, the baby monitor was on in the bedroom- an d all of a sudden we heard a noise- and then a whole lot of noise in our bedroom- my friend is a witness!- like someone was in there destroying our room!
I said to Dave "What the Fuck was that?!"
He replied "Probably your dad?"
Both my friend and I replied-"NO ONE else is HOME!"
I sent him to the room to check what happened.
Nothing seemed out of place- it was SO BIZARRE!


But this time I have a witness! Yo! I TOLD YOU ALL THIS PLACE WAS HAUNTED!
It's like there's a bad spirit just keeping us all miserable here.
I can't wait to finally leave.


Maybe then we'll be happy- I hope.



I pray every night that things will work out and everything will be okay, that we will all be happy ( and healthy) again soon.






Thanks for listening.

*old photo of my grandma and me- I was about 9 years old here- and very very tan- with very very long hair- probably the last time I ever had very long hair).