Eye doc and burning pain ball of fire

Went to eye doc- my doc literally said I'd  be screwed without my eyeglasses👓 cuz I wouldn't be able to see (shit)!" Hahaha!
And now I need to apply prescription cream to my left eyeball every night 🌘because since my stroke my left eye doesn't completely close.
That sliiiiiiight crack -like leaving a window open all night long can  leave you waking up in the middle of the night, screaming like someone fucking stabbed 🔪you in the motherfucking eye👁 and then set it on fire 🔥🔥🔥, and nothing  NOT ANYTHING  will relieve the pain - not opening the eyelid nor closing the eyelid.
Hence the needz for the medicine creamz.😂🙃😣

#funnystory #awesomehair #buzzcut #buzzcutgirl #hair #glasses #motivationalquotes
#barberlife #eye #emoji #picoftheday #modellife #nightlife #wink

Buzzcut and makeup

Did my makeup from bed.
And yes,  did a buzzcut. ..not from bed,  haha.
Always feel more like myself with a buzzcut. Always.

I try to grow it out due to what I see , colorful ,long hair and boredom.
But I always come back to my buzzcut because that's ME. That's what fits me.

I try on all different "hats" so to speak, but it never quite feels right.

I try to fit into society and what it wants from me but I never can.
Like doing my makeup the other day-
Mascara,  eyeliner,  eyebrow pencil, Lip liner and lipstick.
It felt like A LOT to me- and and lot of effort, it was tiring.

  Meanwhile 3 years ago I would've never left the house without makeup!! Ever! !! And a lot of it!
I change my look on a whim still.

Slowly and always trying to better myself and finding what I like compared to what society likes and what the difference is.

Spock hair taught me a thing or two.

So..I did my sister's  hair many many many hours after my major seizure this morning and then did mine, almost on the verge of unconsciousness- which is totally the way I see myself going- with a set of clippers in my hands,  or gloves and haircolor😅 . So this is my new new look, for a hit minute.  I likey.

Sorry for being  MIA lately.  Been really ill  and then you know I get truly bored and push myself really hard to do something creative,  like coloring and cutting my family's hair and mine- also because I'm the only hairstylist in the family,  and I can't stand looking at bad hair.
Uggggh. Pet peeve.  And it always happens.  I'll be sitting in the doc's office with a family member and realize,  dammit ! I gotta get myself together,  and do their hair soon!
I AM that person. This is one of my crafts I've done since I was 12 and told my mom - STOP cutting my sister's hair!  Just stop!  She looks like Spock, for goodness sake!  You shaved of her damn sideburns! She's 3, and going into Pre-k, and looks like Spock! Enough is enough!  Put down the garden shears! You are a mom! Not a hairstylist! !!"
And that was the birth of my path.
Fucking Spock hair

Gave my kids a haircut

I decided today to give my kids a haircut.

No, it's not the kind my mother used to give me- with a pair of garden shears- that scared the living crap out of me!

Truth is I didn't get my hair cut in a salon till I was in my teens.

My mom cut my hair until then, for a mom with no haircutting experience whatsoever- she didn't do such a bad job- until fifth grade.

The night before my fifth grade graduation she was going to give my bob hair style a trim-and oops! She chopped it all off- into a boy's haircut!!!

I was horrified!!!

When I was a teen- I became obsessed with hair. I bought every British hairstyle magazine known to man. I'd save my babysitting money just to buy some every month.

I hung out at a favorite salon of mine- and they became my friends. I learned a lot about hair from them, cutting, coloring and styling.

I had my hair colored every color of the rainbow- every hairstyle- dreadlocks, Mohawks, braids, cornrows, weaves, you name it- I've done it.

And now that I have kids- my hair obsession hasn't changed one bit.

My daughter has very curly, fine brown hair. My son has blonde dead straight hair.

Both of their hair had gotten long- but not evenly, just kind of scraggly and stringy.

So I cut both their hair today- with a professional haircutting scissor- no garden shears here!

Lee now has a little man's hairdo and Violet has a really cute bob with a short fringe.

I would love to take them to a salon one day- but for now since I'm very poor, and they are both kids with special needs- I'd rather they freak out here- than in some stranger's chair- with someone who has no clue how to handle them.

Kisses Bitches and put away those garden shears would ya?!

*Here's a before and after photo of my son's haircut.

Dave finally WON!

Yesterday was a humiliating day- or just another day for me.
Dave had been attacking me with scissors for a few days now- I was tiring of it.
Dave fixed the hair buzzer yesterday and bullied me into letting him buzz my hair off. I was nervous- nervous to the point of nausea- because I have issues with authority, and hate when someone is MAKING me do anything- hate it!
But Dave is probably the only person on the planet that can force me to do anything- and he knows this, DAMN IT!
He got loud with me and I couldn't take it anymore- so I bent over the tub- and let him buzz away at my scalp.
Oh the joy- I mean this as sarcastically as possible.
Afterwards me left me- bald and a little shaken- like a sheep that had just been sheared- to go take care of Violet who had just woken up from a short nap.
There I was alone- left to clean up the hair and wash myself off.
I stared at myself in my tiny little mirror- and saw every flaw- flaws that I'd never seen before. Because when you're bald there's no hiding ANYTHING, no blemish, no bump, not anything.
Oy, this was going to be hard.
I felt like I was going in circles- how many times was I going to be bald in my lifetime? Seriously!
I walked into my living room, where Dave, Kayla and my kids were hanging out.
Awaiting their reactions.
My sister right away said how much she liked it. Dave looked proud of myself- I was still a little upset at how he bullied me.
I walked up to Levi, my son- who smiled and giggled. Yeah- that's WAY better than crying hysterically. I'll take giggling.
Violet didn't seem to mind either.
My mom saw it later that day, and said- "Oh my, I'll have to get used to this look again. It'll take me some time." Thanks mom, for the vote of confidence.
I knew from that point on I'd be getting some negative feedback from the people I knew- and of course they people I don't.
Whatever I seem to do angers people, I don't know why- whether it be the pair of glasses I'm wearing, the clothes, or the hairdo- doesn't matter- I anger people.
And sometimes I think that's a good thing.
An ode to punks- old school punks- not the hot topic, dress-a-like, talk-a-like, look-a-like punks that are around nowadays. Fuck those PUNKS!
When your "punk" outfit costs more than a few bucks- you're officially NOT a punk anymore.
That's my opinion anyways-
BTW my head wasn't shaved- it was buzzed- with a number 2 attachment- for all those girls out there that have no idea what I'm talking about- I pity you.
There is one sound in this world that still gives me goosebumps-good goosebumps- to this very day- the sounds of electric appliance buzzing- because that means either I'm getting a haircut- or a tattoo- the two things I really LOVE getting done in this world.
Speaking of tattoo- I'm thinking of finally getting my head tattooed. I've been thinking about this for YEARS. Now if I could only decide on a fabulous tattoo.
Any ideas???


let me know.
I'll be posting photos of my new do- ASAP.
You know it can't be just any photo- it's got to be FIERCE!

Love and kisses to all my bitches!!!!

More to come...

My head hurts.

Thank goodness my weave was ridiculously cheap because I could only stand two weeks of it. Dave and I took it out tonight and it took us two hours.
I didn't have the money nor patience to go back to the ghetto salon.
My head hurts so badly- from the tugging, and the scratching of my scalp afterwards. It felt obscenely good at the time- not so much now.
While I'm washing out whatever was left of my hair ( half went down the drain- no joke) Kayla comes in.
Earlier Dave brought the camera into the bathroom to take photos of my hair when we were finally finished taking out the weave. To my surprise- he didn't put the camera back where it belonged.
So Kayla comes in and CRASH!!!!!! There goes my camera.
I didn't yell or even get upset. Now remember I use my camera every single day. It's a big part of my life and happiness. It's my Nikon D200, my baby.
I didn't blame Kayla because it wasn't her fault, it wasn't even Dave's fault either really. It was an accident and these things happen. Especially in my house.
She felt horrible- I felt bad- I didn't want her to be upset, it wasn't her fault.
In the meantime- my kids needed to have dinner- the lasagna is in the oven, things needed to get done.
Dave was taking a second nap at the time, I then woke him up, so finally we get the kids feed, bathed, and off to bed. We eat dinner finally- it was good, very yummy.
Then Dave goes right back to bed, and I go cut my sister's hair.
By the way, did I mention that I had a horribly sleepless night. My thoughts were racing ( a big MANIC trait), even though I didn't feel particularly manic.
Hopefully tonight will be better, I hope.
I'm not getting another weave for quite awhile, that's for sure.
Now to think about what's my next hair project...


More to come...

Lug-jur-ee-us (Luxurious) Hair

For those of you who know Katt Williams- you know what I mean by lug-jur-ee-us hair.
I just watched the movie Good Hair. It was fantastic. I bonded with that freakin' movie. You may wonder why- since I'm white. This is my hair story:
When I was a wee little girl- I had dead straight hair, reddish-brown, leaning toward more red than brown. I couldn't even keep a barrette in my hair- it was so thin.
During third grade ( when I was 9 years old) My hair did a complete 180 degree turn.
It was all of a sudden, really thick and curly. I hated it. It wasn't manageable at all. I wanted hair like my other white friends had. As I got older it just got worse.
When I was 10, during a trim from my mother- she accidentally cut off too much- leaving me with a "boy" haircut. My aunt's solution was to perm it- why I went through with this- or thought it was a good idea- I HAVE NO CLUE. She said it would "help" it grow out better. It was permed curly- not just curly, but kinky curls. So I had that done till I was about 12 years old. Then started the coloring.
I went to a Junior High School where I was one out of the only two white kids there.
Everyone said I was "like them" because I had "black hair". I guess I was more "like them" than I knew. Because I obsessed over how to get my hair, like white girls in the magazines. At age 12, is when I started buying wigs. I now own a collection of wigs.
I've done everything imaginable to my hair- braid it, dread it, color it ( every color seen it and out of nature), relax it ( several times- even burned off my scalp once), perm it, weave it. EVERYTHING.
Finally I'd had enough of wasting my time, energy and money on my hair and products.
And I finally shaved it off. Completely. I don't even remember the year - when I first did this. Because since then I've done it over five times. Each time, being fed up, and then once I did it- want really long hair again. It was a bad cycle.
And here I am - years later- with a cheap weave (synthetic), trying to grow my hair out yet again.
Errrrrrr...I hate this. As I sit here- patting my hair-It's "the weave pat"- because you can't scratch your hair when there's a weave in it- and believe me- it's itching.
No matter how well I wash it and take care of it- it bugs the shit out of me.
But it looks good, people tell me. It's taken me so many years to appreciate my "Jew fro". I now LOVE when a girl has her natural hair, not relaxed. I even own afro wigs.
And yes- my weave right now- is called a "bohemian curl", my friends call it Afrocentric hair. Now I would kill to have a huge mind boggling afro ( I still want long hair obviously). I used to be a high- very high maintence girl. I got my hair done monthly, even went a couple times a month for a blow-out ( to straighten it). Used all kinds of ridiculously expensive hair products galore. Spent lots of money on make-up, got my nails done. The whole shabang.
Now I'm very low key. I cut my own hair now- This weave was a present for my 29th birthday. I do my nails myself, I buy make-up from the drugstore as well as my haircare products.
Now my family comes first, I come last, in my mind. As long as my family is fed, has a roof over their heads, I'm happy. And yes- maybe occasionally I treat myself to a hair magazine ( my own personal crack).
After seeing this movie- I feel that I'm not alone in my struggle. In my hair battle royale. And yet again- I'm fed up that I'm even wasting a penny on my hair, for sure.
Hair drama!

Love you all!!!

Kisses Bitches!!!

Anxiety

I have an anxiety problem.
Tomorrow I have to go to SSI because they threatened to take it away again even though I've had it for only 5 months. Insane, I know.
The night before I have things I've got to do that I know will be stressful- I don't sleep. Even now- over a week till my daughter's hospital visit I worry and am extremely anxious.
I remember the time I spent in school- stressing out all the time over stupid tests.
Man, I HATED school ALWAYS. I would not want to go back ever.
I remember taking a test in fifth grade- a math test and leaning over to my friend- who thought she knew everything and maybe she did, and asked her for the answer to a question that was troubling me- what was the question you ask?- The question was what was 8 times 11?
Yeah- that simple. I freaked- she gave me the answer. And yes I cheated in fifth grade- sue me! I helped many friends in High school during their tests on much tougher questions- so it evens out.
Even thinking about getting my cosmetology license- and having to go to school and take tests again, gives me anxiety. And I LOVE hair. Styling, cutting, the products everything. I've done it for years but don't have a license. Besides cosmetology school costing an INSANE amount of money ($16,000)- that only 1/3 is covered by financial aid and loans. I worry about taking tests and my anxiety levels. I have enough stress in my life right now, daily. No need to add some tests into the picture.
I have a goal in mind right now- I set up many for myself all the time- small ones that I feel I can achieve. This one being to not cut or color my hair till September 2010.
That'll make it a year since I'd shaved my hair off ( Sept. 2009). Let's see if I can do it. Hopefully the anxiety of my hair looking like crap won't make me freak out and cut it all off again, just maybe.
I'll be posting monthly updates with photos on how I'm doing- besides my (almost) daily blogs.

This is a photo of what my hair looks like as of a week ago. Wish me luck.

Stay tuned...