Panic!

I don't know what's going on. At first, I thought it was just a post-baby thing. About 5 or 7 months after women have a baby- their hair can start to shed.
But now- I'm losing a LOT of my hair, and no it's not from coloring, I haven't colored my hair in a long time, and it's pretty healthy. I'm thinking it's a hormonal imbalance. I've been going through a lot physically.
I've been experiencing endometriosis symptoms lately- truthfully ever since I gave birth to Violet, and it's just been getting worse. I had endometriosis surgery back in 2001. Which means there's a very good chance the endo is back.
That paired with my heart problems- ARGH!
I have SO many doctors appointments scheduled- but all for April. That's the earliest appointments I could get. Very frustrating.
Yesterday I got food poisoning for the 100th time. This time it was from a small bag of potato chips I shared with Violet yesterday, we bought at some bodega across the street from the playground. We both got pretty sick- but I got the worst of it, thank goodness. I would feel horrible if she had gotten the worst- it's hard watching your babies feeling sick.
I almost went to the emergency room last night, until I realized it was food poisoning. Because at first I almost passed out- well at least that's how it started for me last night after I made dinner.
I feel better thus far, not perfect but WAY better than last night.
I might make an emergency appointment with my doctor if my heart problems worsen again.

On another note.

Today was a rough day all around. Besides Levi's audition, I had a "heart episode" again. Don't worry I scheduled a heart doctor appointment. He's the head of cardiology, and takes great care of my father. I met him, and he was wonderful.
But the soonest appointment I can get is for April 1st. Argh.
I'll be fine- it's just irritating. I'm a very physical person and always running around doing errands, after the kids, and taking care of the house- I don't get to sit very often, so when I can't physically do everything I NEED to do- it frustrates the living crap out of me.
Just today, while pushing, the double (very heavy) stroller uphill, killed me. Couldn't breathe, and a lot of pressure on my chest. Pisses me off!
Aspirin is my friend. My very good friend.
I really want to go see my very talented friends perform ( brilliant musicians- every single one of them) and I'm scared to travel far alone- with my heart problem.
What do I do if it happens on a crowded train at night? I hate being scared.
I feel very undependable now. I like being the friend people can count on- but I feel I haven't been that for awhile now. I'm looking to change that. Hopefully soon.
To all my beloved friends out there that I've let down- I'm so sorry. I really am.
And I striving to change things.
On another note- Monday I go back to the food pantry for my monthly visit.
Now don't get me wrong- things have been better THIS month thus far, doesn't mean anything for NEXT month. I never know how things will be from one moment to the next. So I like to be prepared. Canned tomatoes goes a long way. The food pantry helps, they are so nice there and friendly. But I still feel bad, I wish I had the means to give instead of take.
I go there with my social worker ( I have her through Violet's Early Intervention Program), she's an angel, and has helped my family greatly.
God bless her!


So that's all for today.
Stay tuned.

And here I am back again.

Yes I'm back. Already you might ask?
Well I'll give you three guesses why I'm back so quickly.
They'll all be wrong, unless you guessed- because I have no insurance. Then you be correct!
I went there- by myself- how depressing.
I told them about my chest pain, left arm pain and dizziness.
The first doctor- listened and was great. We talked about getting a cat scan of the chest and a stress tests- he said I might have to stay over.
He told me he heard some wheezing in my chest- so I'd be getting a chest x-ray.
While I'm waiting for the chest x-ray- I'm topless in a gown- totally vulnerable- a couple of junkies start hitting on me, asking me what my plans were for tonight.
Was I planning on going clubbing? They asked.
I answered no. I have two kids and a husband waiting for me at home, I don't think they'd like that.
One said to me " You could get a babysitter!"
Man, my day was getting better and better.
When I got back from the chest x-ray and waited in bed- registration came to ask me some questions.
Not long after, ANOTHER doctor came in and said- right away "Sounds Viral. I'll check your X-rays".
Then about 15 minutes later- I get handed my discharge papers- the person tells me "X-ray is clean, you probably pulled something".
This I KNOW is NOT the case-
She told me to get dressed and go.
Can you believe this?!
I TOLD them I was having chest pains, and everything.
Dave begged me to go. I didn't want to go. I wanted to wait till I got my insurance back.
I'm still in pain, and now I'm frustrated.
I'm gonna chew an aspirin again and eat something eventually.
I'm tired. Today sucked.

Stay tuned.

God has a sense of humor...

My husband is 150 lbs overweight and has a major caffeine addiction- but no, I'm the one with the heart problems.
So I finally talked to my doctor today- but can't see her because I have no health insurance. She advised me to go straight to the emergency room, not to mess around with this. Dave is yelling at me to go. I really hate hospitals- especially since my blood infections in July.
So here I go to St. Luke's- hopefully I'll be home soon- with a clean bill of health.

Wish me luck!