Saturday, December 8, 2012

Tired of poverty.

Sorry I've been M.I.A. lately. I've been severely depressed. A few days ago I was so depressed I wanted to die. Everyday differs in severity. But it's bad. I try to spend time with my kids and love them the best I can but depression has no logic it just is. I am bipolar it comes with the job. I just try to control it with meds and soon more e.c.t. treatment but it's not controlled right now it's loose. Being below poverty level doesn't help my depression either. Sweating at the cashier at keyfood over the total cost for food doesn't help. My kids need clothes but I have no money for that nor food. Times are really tough and about to get tougher. My mom's unemployment runs out soon and we will be near homeless then. I'm panicking. Having panic attacks daily, sobbing all the time. I can't help it. I need to figure out how we are going to survive because we are really struggling now, later on it'll be worse. That's why I posted that campaign to raise money. I'm desperate and unable to work. Barely able to function. Actually not functioning at all. My fiancee carries the weight of me and our children. I love her so because without her I'm worthless. I feel bad she has to carry to weight of me it makes my depression worse that I'm like a child unable to care for myself. She's my rock, my soulmate, my everything. Our kids are cared for properly. I cannot thank her enough. All I am able to do is love them. I hate being the crazy mom. I gave myself that title because that's all I'll ever be. Crazy. Clinically insane. No matter how much e.c.t. or meds I'll never be normal or cured. I'll always be crazy and different. A freak forever. I'll try to post more often but please understand if I can't.

Kisses bitches,
Love your main bipolar bitch

1 comment:

  1. Definitely a fascinating blog, and one I can relate to. I am also bipolar and poor. If it wasn't for my mother I would probably be on the street. I feel that low income often goes with this illness, as many of us are unable to work full-time. I am a mom too, although I have grown kids. It's just me and my two cats. This condition is horrible, but I am thankful I have people who love me, my cats, my boyfriend, and some nice hobbies. I am involved in my community.