Sunday, August 12, 2012

Very bipolar lately



Cycling daily. And I don't mean bicycling!
So much is going on. My kids and I have four or five doctor appointments a week!!! Sometimes twice in one day!
It's overwhelming. I'm finally going on Thursday to see the doctor that performs the hysterectomy. Hooray!!!
In about three weeks it will all be out. Thank G-D! I'm now on progesterone to stop the bleeding but its making me nauseous everyday and my hair fall out in clumps. Fun times. Fun times!
But I need the bleeding to stop.
I have changed my haircolor three times in about one week with manic panic (that doesn't make your hair fall out ). I'm so Bipolar right now one minite I'm talking at a mile a minute next I'm having a crippling panic attack or next minute I'm sobbing. My doc upped all my medications woohoo and added a few new ones. I love my doc. She rocks. Within five minutes of talking to her, she saw me cycling and believed me. She knows me so well. She was the only doc that would take me when I finally left all the hospitals.
All the other doctors thought I was a lost cause. Isn't that nice? And not worth helping.
I feel so out of control right now. I'm trying so hard to center myself. Thank goodness I have Em. She's my rock. When everything around me is spinning I have her to hold onto. I love her so much.
I am losing weight really quickly from my stomach issues, yet to be diagnosed- biopsy from my colonoscopy and endoscopy on august 8th, still haven't come back yet. And the doctors are very scared! So far I've lost (since I had my daughter Lula) over 60lbs. And that was only four months ago.
I feel sick everyday. So once the hysterectomy thing is done, I move on to my stomach next I guess, huh? Hopefully my breasts will be removed not to long from now. Crossing my fingers and my toes!
kisses bitches,
love,
the biggest gay bipolar bitch around!
*photo of my new wildfire red hair

4 comments:

  1. I am also cycling. Bought a depressing CD on the merits of one depresssing song. Have now discovered that every song on the CD is depressing and have listened to it non-stop just to wallow in the sadness. Then I went to a play in Manhattan which was hilarious. Then went out to dinner with friends and laughed and behaved as if nothing was wrong. Got into my car at the end of the evening and started crying again. I managed to keep my facade in place in front of my friends.

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  2. When I was in one of the many hospitals, I "visited"- a nice way to put being committed:)I purposely bought depressing CDS. I listen to music according to my mood. I want to feel COMPLETELY depressed or completely happy. if that makes any sense. I need to feel it with my entire being. Not just partly. I guess that's what bipolar is, right? I understand, what you're saying is what I'm trying to get at. I'm try to save face, so to speak in front of people, and break down in private. Like take my valium- in private. When I'm home and about to have a nervous breakdown becauise I cannot handle anything anymore.

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  3. I might have recommended this podcast to you in the past...he's been interviewing listeners as of late... you might want to get in touch with him, I think you've a story that should be heard...just saying...give it a listen
    http://mentalpod.com/
    it's called the mental illness happy hour.... very very interesting podcast...you are not alone!

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  4. Thanks Ax! I'll try to check it out!!!!!! HUGs!!!!!
    How've you been???

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