Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Tallulah Born April 6th
My baby girl was born April 6th!!! 7 lbs. 11 oz.
She was delivered by a very painful emergency C-section.
Contractions were two minutes apart and the doctor wanted to send me HOME!!! Because it was a Friday and I was scheduled for a repeat c-section on that coming Monday. What a DOUCHE!
Obviously Tallulah didn't plan on waiting.
And my body just has no fucking clue how to give birth naturally, so an emergency c-section was needed.
Let's just say the doctors didn't give enough time for the epidural to kick in (I could feel the tearing)!!!
Yeah, I'm such a bad ass!
The doctors were too busy chatting to let me know Lula ( my nickname for her) was born!!!
The entire day was one enormous shock! I instantly started sobbing when I heard her cry.
She's a wonderful, lovely, beautiful baby. Thank you GOD that I made it this far!!!
I right away tried breastfeeding- it went well for three days- and that's it. It was all downhill from there!
Thanks thyroid disease!!! You little SHIT thyroid disease!!!
Her blood sugar dropped very low after just one night.
She wasn't getting enough milk.
The moment I got home- the postpartum depression started kicking in.
Everyone went nuts, including me.
I was sobbing all the time and very angry at everyone. Well, only the adults. My kids are perfection;)
I was pumping and feeding Lula every two hours, I was exhausted and going full blown NUTS!
After a horrible trip to a new OBGYN-
in which I found that I have multiple fibroids, poly cystic ovary syndrome, there's also an unknown mass ( I'm gonna need a biospy an MRI, and weekly sonograms) and I was hemorrhaging-
and was producing almost NO MILK after all the torture of 5 weeks!!!
YEAH THAT BAD!
I decided to stop breastfeeding. It broke my heart, but I had to go back on my bipolar meds before I was committed.
I was suicidal at four weeks- and I had to choose- either be alive for my kids and not breastfeed, or be dead.
I'm still struggling, and full of anger- but I'm trying to get better, and taking my meds- happily- daily again.
THANK YOU DRUGS!!! I LOVE YOU DRUGS ( by drugs I mean my medication obviously;)!!!
So I'm very sorry I've been M.I.A.- these past 6 weeks have been a blur!!!! A sleepless blur!!!
A very Bipolar sleepless blur!!!
But now I'm back on my meds, and I think the world thanks me!!!
I plan on coming back with a vengeance! So watch out Bitches:)!!!!
P.s. I really want to create a bipolar community, and hopefully a forum- just a few goals I hope to one day accomplish- that and of course to eventually finish and publish my book.
It'd be nice if I could complete at least one of my goals ( other than having kids;)
Check out the bipolar bible facebook page for updates in the meantime!
The Biggest Bipolar Bitch around!
*photo of my little girl